For thirty years, I lived and breathed cinema. I shot on film, rejecting digital like a stubborn relic. I demanded perfection in every frame, screamed at my crew, and waged war with producers who dared to interfere with my vision. My name had once been synonymous with brilliance—auteur, innovator, madman. But now, I was simply tired.
It wasn’t the industry politics, though I had grown sick of the focus groups and algorithms dictating art. It wasn’t even the struggle for funding, the endless groveling before investors who had no love for cinema. It was something deeper, something that had been gnawing at me for years: I had nothing left to say.
My films had been my voice, my way of tearing into the world and exposing its raw nerves. Every scene had been a scream, a plea, a confession. But now, as I stood in the editing room, staring at the reels of my latest project—another grand, tortured masterpiece—I felt only emptiness. The spark that had driven me had flickered and died.
I walked out without a word, leaving behind half-cut reels and unpaid assistants. I ignored the calls from the studio, the frantic emails from my editor. I wasn’t coming back.
I disappeared from Hollywood that night, retreating to a crumbling seaside town where no one recognized my face. I spent my days watching the waves crash against the cliffs, listening to the wind howl through empty streets. For the first time in thirty years, I was at peace.
And for the first time in thirty years, I didn’t care if the camera was rolling.
Thank god, this just merely AI rambling! But be honest, have you ever thought about quiting the industry or giving up filmmaking for good reasons?
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Wow... that was thought-provoking!
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Willem Elzenga compelling melodrama!
I've been a spec writer for fifteen years and a painter and visual artist for 25 years, and I have taken enough "sabbaticals" to feel like I've quit or given up a dozen times, but really I just need time between projects to renew my concepts and create a fresh idea and approach to a new project,
after studying the film industry from the sidelines for 15 years I just made my first film, so I'll probably find reasons to continue to expand from here, until I do retreat to a crumbling seaside town, haha, I think I have already done that too once or twice so far.
Thanks for this post! I've been using Claude AI for some great production planning and best practices, business plans, marketing plans etc., which AI are you using?
I am already looking at AI production methods for the near future projects, although in my latest new film I used miniatures and I enjoy the physical set building as well.
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I used Chatgtp for this and other stories. I also made a casting wishlist with Chatgtp but that wasn't to good. Also a financial forecast for a movie in development. I did a logo with Goggle's gemini. I like AI but think it should be free and in the public domain.
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At first, this post read like the beginnning of a film noir about a filmmaker and I wasn't sure where it was going - I felt terrible for the unpaid asistants. But even a story about not telling a story can be a great story. And that's my answer. It's always about story telling and always will be. Nobody invited me to the world of filmmaking - it was a choice - and nobody will uninvite me because my choice is made. And supporting other filmmakers and this community gives me such joy and hope so there can be no stopping. The show must go on!
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Happy that you are finally at peace, my man. Because life is too short to be waging war from within your own soul. To answer you tag question, unlike yourself, I am not a titan who left after decades, I am someone who has had some success early on and do (I think) have much to still say but finding it so very frustrating to not feel I am spinning my creative wheels in the muck trying to get known and find funding...so right now it's more of a fear that I'll watch waves crash knowing I failed rather than going out on my own terms as you did. Though, I bet, and I'm just guessing here, you do have more to say cinematically, and we may all be less served not seeing it.
Very thought provoking, Willem Elzenga . I'm reminded of an interview with Orson Welles later in his life where he mentioned his regret of being in love with movies, which was the passion he had which drove his career. He said that if he hadn't had such a passion for it, he would have given up instead of struggling so much. Even with his career, he was always fighting the studios and other gatekeepers. I think it's perfectly fine to step away for a while, and even permanently if this no longer is a passion. We all change over the years and maybe I'll end up doing something else later on, but right now I'm right where I want to be and can't think of anything else I want to do.
I think that if you feel peace in your soul and can calmly sit and watch the waves crash against the rocks without worrying about anything, then you have fulfilled your mission—or at least one of them.
Nothing will ever work out if done by force. Over the past 30 years, you have accomplished quite a lot, and not everyone can boast such experience and contribution to the film industry. You have earned the right to simply sit and watch the waves, free from any worries.
Who knows, maybe tomorrow you will find another passion, and the waves and the sound of the wind will once again fade into the background. :)
Honestly, I wish for myself and many others to follow a similar path and, just like you, sit by the shore with peace in our hearts.