Your Stage : Seeking feedback for my short film by Derek Schweickart

Derek,I enjoyed your short " Picked Up " it captured the full Spectrum of Love & Lost, laced with Humor, well crafted with emotions. This Short reminded me of Harold Melvin's Song- The Love I Lost http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STs1QlyawpY

Thanks for the feedback! I like the song. It has the sort of upbeat energy dealing with heartbreak that I wanted for the film. I didn't want to fall into melancholy. I can see the similarity.

Derek, I was immediately reminded of Harold Melvin's song " The Love I Lost " because it fit, your "SHORT FILM" and I had to watch it twice because, The Script was profoundly written with great detailed thought and consideration, Ben tried emotionally to reconnect to Aprils Heart and for a brief moment, Ben Smiled with Humility. April made every attempt to brush off Ben's advances to reconnecting by Lying, verbally abusing, threatening possible violence against Ben, in a way that two people once in love can do and not to be taken seriously. Ben pauses after a few more comments, that "April " makes, and realizes he's not going to clear the hurdle from his past transgressions against " April's memory", As "Ben" get's up to walk away, and painfully smiles of his loss, " April " (SKILLFULLY Time Wise) Touches "Ben's hand, to indicate, she's sorry, and unsure, if she making the right decision to let him walk away, This is confirmed by her actions by looking back watching him walk away, while Ben could not look back as he fades to blur, THIS IS JUST an IDEA to enhance your short, there's about 2 minutes and 42 seconds, that you can edit from 5 plus minutes song by Harold Melvin's - The Love I Loss. That can start ? - When April has doubt about getting back together, the levels on the console, could gradually introduce the song, before "Ben gets up off the park bench and the song can continue rolling pass the Credit's. Your Video is approximately 11 Minutes, by adding some "STILL PHOTO'S" of BEN & APRIL" in a much Happier time in their life, when they were first dating, birthday parties, with other family members, etc, etc. and photo's of the entire cast, smiling and proud of their contribution to the film, If you use 35 to 40 Still pictures flipping every 3-4 seconds will carry the music to the video's conclusion. Now you can send it into "The Sun Dance Festival "By adding these photo's. and music you will still come under 15 minutes, perfect for Festivals... P.S. as always, when using other peoples music, get all the proper clearances in writing --- Henry

Very nicely done, Derek. Well written. Well acted. Well executed. Will you be hitting the festival circuit with this little gem? I've got one to consider: www.WSIFF.com.

Loved it! Great acting and a great script. The only thing that bothered me just a bit was the overuse of unmotivated camera movement during the part of the dialogue where Ben tells April he quit smoking, etc. but that is truly a matter of taste. The writing and acting were so good that I was able to overlook that aspect of it and, again, just a matter of taste, some people love that kind of camera movement, I happen to dislike it. I was amazed by the ability of your film to tell such a deep story, giving so much character background without being expositional in such a short amount of time. Great work.

Yeah, there ended up being two films in here, the first was the mystery of who are these people to each other, the second was a more straightforward love story. It's funny you had that reaction because I have had other people want more of the mystery of the beginning to continue. I think the beginning, as unrealistic as it may be, helps draw the audience into wanting to know who these characters are, in a way that you wouldn't have it they just went straight into discussing their past. I had a line in there to help explain April's actions, but it didn't quite hit right. She says "it was only ever going to end this way." She knew from the beginning that this encounter would just cause them both pain. She was willing to play dumb, and make up this ridiculous game to avoid it, whereas Ben is more "ernest" and just wanted to connect with her, with no real thought to the future or the possible pain. This is great you guys. I'm very grateful for the feedback. It is so good to put this out there are have a chance to discuss it. To Antonio, I was a bit frustrated with some of the steadicam operating. Our actors were great, but sometimes during the walk and talk they would end up in different places, so it was hard to cover that scene. He had to do his best as it was happening. Some of his choices were better than others, and then when cutting, I had to get the best performance out of differing camera moves, and different actors' positions. That was tricky. All in all I think we did pretty good. We covered 9 pages of dialogue in 9 hours in one day.