... a new threat: radiation vampires

Rutger Oosterhoff I almost wrote "irradiated vampires" or "radioactive vampires," but to me that makes the project read more like a campy Creature Feature type of thing, and in actuality the spec aspects are elevated with a premium or streamer in mind, and I do think accurate tone is just as important as length. Thank you so much for your input!!

That is right Kaitlyn, now you say, I see the picture. So yes, the logine is shorter but the reader then is mislead of thinking it could be an other genre movie.. Good catch!!

One last try...

Step 1:

Iliminate "new threat", it is redundent when you explain "what" thread anyways.

So:

After World War Three nearly destroys the human race, a world-weary ex-child soldier struggles to lead a colony of survivors against vampires created by radiation from the war.

Step 2:

So I know, now this whole logline reads odd, but not if you ad the word "nuclear" in the beginning.

Step 3:

Also It does not really matter if the war is called WW3, because we already know it is a war affter WW2, it's name doesn't have any effect on the main theme.

Step 4/(5)

Further more the fact that a traumatised boy AGAIN must lead a war makes it LOGICAL it will be very hard for HIM or HER(?) Making the loglinell as ACTIVE as possible, letting us feel our protagonist is somehow in CONTROLE (and cutting an other word) :

After (a) nuclear war nearly destroys the human race, a world-weary ex-child soldier MUST lead a (or his/her) colony of survivors against (a new threat:)vampires created by radiation..

Bu now I think of it, this misses the build up PAY-OFF feel, that's why I replaced "against a new threat" berween brackets.