Title: Script Excerpt - Seeking Collaboration and Feedback
Hey everyone, I’m sharing an excerpt from my script and would love some feedback and potential collaboration opportunities!
Plot Overview:
A man in his 40s, stuck in a mundane office job, discovers that his mother has passed away at the age of 76. He reconnects with his younger sister after many years and begins to search for his purpose in life.
Scene 1: Work
INT. WORKPLACE - NOON
The workplace looks very generic and dull, with everyone wearing clothes of the same color.
Mark is sitting in front of a computer in the office, typing a report. He has a tired, weary expression. He stops typing, looks at the clock—it's only 3:10 p.m. He takes a deep breath and continues the report. He scratches his eyes because he's tired and checks the time again—it’s 5:03 p.m. He puts on his jacket, says goodbye to everyone, and leaves the office.
Scene 2: Mama is in the Hospital
INT. HOME - NIGHT
Mark is sitting on his couch with his work clothes on, watching TV. His phone is out of reach on the desk. He looks tired. His phone starts to ring, but he doesn’t answer. The call ends, and it rings again.
Mark (slightly angry): What the hell?
He answers. It’s the hospital calling.
Mark: "Hello? Yes, I'm… (surprised and with a little energy) Wait, what did you say? Where is she? What hospital? I’m on my way."
Mark rushes to his car and drives. He almost falls asleep while driving. He turns on the radio. “Come and Get Your Love” is playing.
Mark: Fuck it
He switches stations, but there's a similar song playing, so he angrily turns off the radio. He keeps looking at the time.
Scene 3: Is Mama Dead?
INT. HOSPITAL - NIGHT
Mark enters the hospital, looking nervous and in a rush. He goes to the secretary.
Mark (fast, nervous): "I’m looking for [Mama's name], she had a car accident."
Secretary: "She is in room [room number]."
Mark goes there and sees his mom connected to a ventilator. The doctor comes in, speaking calmly and gently.
Doctor: "Hi, are you her son?"
Mark: "Yes."
Doctor: "My name is Dr. Morrison. I’m in charge of Ms. [Mama's name]. We informed your sister; she should be here soon."
Mark: "What… what happened to her?"
Doctor: "She was in a car accident. We don’t know all of the facts yet, so I won’t say more than that. She came with severe injuries. We ran tests like x-rays, MRIs, and CT scans. Her condition doesn’t look good. I’m sorry to inform you that… we treated her for internal bleeding and broken bones…"
Mark (interrupting): "Don’t… don’t tell me more. What are the chances for her to…"
Doctor: "Her chances to survive aren’t promising. If she pulls through, she will most likely be in a vegetative state for the rest of her life, and all of her memories will be lost."
His sister arrives, looking confused and frazzled.
Sister: "How is she, Doc?"
Doctor: "As I just said to your brother, we ran tests…"
Sister (interrupts): "Just give me the final line."
Doctor: "She probably won’t make it. And if she does, she’ll be a vegetable and won’t remember anything."
Sister: "Fuck. Fuck. I knew she was gonna get herself killed driving. How many times did I tell her that, huh?" (says her brother's name)
The doctor leaves.
Sister: "I hope he treated her well. Even though I don’t know if she deserves to be treated the best. Right?"
Mark (exhausted): "Just be quiet. I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now."
Sister: "Fuck off (her brother’s name). You have to admit she was kind of a bitch."
Mark (yelling): "Shut up. Okay, please shut the fuck up."
Sister: "Sorry, big brother. Didn’t mean to upset you. I thought you hated her guts too."
Mark: "Just leave? Please, I’m begging you. What are you doing here anyway if you hate her so much?"
Sister: "Well, she’s my mother too, you idiot. She brought me into this fucked-up life, so I need to see her say goodbye to this world. I’ll go buy me some snacks. Want some?"
Mark: "No."
She leaves.
Mark looks at his mother sadly and gets close to her.
Mark (emotional, with tears): "I love you. I always did love you. I know I didn’t show it, and now I’ll regret it for the rest of my life for not giving you hugs and kisses when you asked. Hope there's a better world up there."
His sister returns with chips, eating them loudly.
Sister: "The chips here in the hospital are awesome. You gotta try one."
Mark wipes his tears.
Sister: "Come on, don’t cry. You’re older than me and you don’t see me cry. Grow the hell up. Be a man. Here, take one."
She hands him a chip, but Mark doesn’t move.
Sister: "Your loss, my win. Where do you think she’s going?"
Mark: (no response)
Sister: "My bet is… hell. Unfortunately, she’s gonna meet our pops there."
Mark looks exhausted.
Sister: "You’re gonna stay here much longer?"
Mark: "You still have room for another guy?"
Sister: "For my brother? Always."
Mark: "Thanks. Sorry about before."
Sister: "It’s okay. I’m used to your stupidness. Wanna go now?"
Mark: "If it’s fine by you."
Sister: "I waited for you to crawl back to me. If it wasn’t you, I would've been long gone, brother."
Mark: "She was kind of a shitty mother."
Sister: "Tell me about that."
Copyright Notice:
© Oded Nave 2025. All rights reserved. This script is an original work and is protected under copyright law. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this material without permission is prohibited.
I’d appreciate any thoughts, feedback, or suggestions from fellow screenwriters or collaborators. If you’re interested in working together or have any advice, feel free to reach out!
