For the two teleplays I am currently working on, I am looking to get some critique on my loglines. Any little bit from "I wouldn't watch it." to full page advice posts will be very much appreciated. Logline 1 - "Ranger": A Ranger from the New Espania territory is called upon to defend a struggling trading post while dealing with his runaway fiance, an alcoholic sheriff, bandit attacks, and a dark past he unknowingly shares with the caravan's young sword-arm. Logline 2 - "Vigilance": When a retired Vigilante's fiance goes missing, he is forced to don the mask once more in order to find her. Shade's already unfamiliar world is shattered when it is discovered that his fiance may be the victim of a renoun serial killer known only as "The Dead Man". Will be happy to return the favor to anyone!
Screenwriting : Logline critique? by Kieran C. Herman
Logline critique?
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It does, and thank you very much for your input. However, I would like to clear up what seems to be a small misunderstanding with the second logline (which does say something to their quality). The protagonist's fiance did not run away from him, or leave him. Not sure if that helps, but there you go! :D