Your Stage : My Query Letter: Your Opinion Please! by Frances Beckham

I've written several query letters for a novel I've completed. I'm posting two of the latest ones I've written. Please tell me which one is best. LETTER 1: Abigail Sharpe is an unlucky girl whose family is a part of a cultish religion where disobedient members are punished with “divine retribution”. Chasing her dog Shippo through the woods one night, she stumbles into a spirit summoning ritual performed by Claude Funkhauser on his twin brother Ciel. To her misfortune, Abigail, as well as Ciel, is cursed by Inugami, the heinous spirit summoned by Claude. As Claude assumes Ciel’s identity and control of the family fortune, and Ciel, trapped in Shippo’s body, is lost on the wrong side of town, Abigail must go against religious teaching to seek help from unlikely sources to break the curse and avoid divine retribution. Set in Seattle, Washington IUNGAMI’S CURSE is a 90,000 word young adult novel that deals with religion, intolerance, and greed in a creative narrative. The novel makes uses of the ancient Japanese folklore of Inugami, a dog spirit controlled to use in nefarious deeds. I live in the Pacific Northwest with my family. In addition to my degree in accounting from Western Washington University, I studied English and film genre. I run a critique, and coverage service for screenplay writers, helping clients get their material ready for their script agents to market, and I do ghost writing for film scripts. If you are interested in the full manuscript of INUGAMI’S CURSE, feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Frances Beckham Email: ahicks4298@q.com LETTER 2: IUNGAMI’S CURSE is a 90,000 word young adult novel set in Seattle, Washington. Abigail is an unlucky girl. Everyone in her family except her is blonde; she had to quit school at 15; and her two best friends run away from home; and her mother is arranging to marry her to the most boring man in the world. Worst of all, she and her family apart of a religion where disobedient members are punished with the furnace. The story begins when Abigail finds and takes in a stray dog she names Shippo. While her parents are out of town, she sneaks to the circus where Shippo runs amuck. Chasing him into a nearby park, Abigail accidentally stumbles over Ciel Funkhauser. His twin Claude stands summoning Inugami. Cursed by Inugami, Ciel and Shippo spirit swap bodies, and Abigail gradually turns into a wolf. Claude assumes Ciel’s identity and control of the family fortune while Ciel, lost in the city, must regain his memories. In spite of her own fears and prejudice, Abigail seeks help from unexpected sources to find Ciel, brake the curse and escape the furnace. IUNGAMI’S CURSE narrative dealing with religion, intolerance, and greed. The novel makes uses of the ancient Japanese folklore of Inugami, a powerful dog spirit controlled to use in nefarious deeds. I live in the Pacific Northwest with my family. In addition to my degree in accounting from Western Washington University, I studied English and film genre. I run a critique, and coverage service for screenplay writers, helping clients get their material ready for their script agents to market, and I do film script ghost writing. If you are interested in the full manuscript of INUGAMI’S CURSE, feel free to contact me. Thank you for your time. Sincerely, Frances Beckham Email: ahicks4298@q.com Which letter is best to use? Which one kindles your interest? What do you feel is lacking? Thank you for your opinion!