I would love to get some feedback on this query letter I am preparing. Is it too short? Is it interesting? etc. Thanks. Here it is. TITLE: Valery Blood LOGLINE: A family of vampires cause upheaval in Los Angeles as they seek mortal companionship. My name is John Watson and I've written a script called Valery Blood that I would love for you to read. The major characters are four members of a vampire family of African descent and the white mortal couple whose lives the vampires violently upturn. I call it a cross between Colin Farell's Fright Night and The Twilight Saga. Carl Childs' wife, Renee, had been taken against her will by vampire Christian Gates after stalking the couple for days. Now in order to gain the powers needed to get her back Carl allows himself to be bitten by Christian's love struck sister, Valery, her intention being for Carl to be beholden to her. Once Valery learns why Carl had given into her sparks of a different kind begin shooting up. I believe the multiple layers of this film with its complex romantic entanglements will attract the vampire lovers always looking for new blood to be pumped into the ever popular genre. Please let me know if I can send you the script. Thanks for your time and consideration.
Your Stage : Query Letter for Valery Blood by John Watson
Query Letter for Valery Blood
Other topics in Your Stage:
Check out Trending Discussions
Register / Log In
Still trying to get query letters down ourselves. I have heard that professionals only give query letters a few seconds, so I think shorter is better. We're going to be sending out queries with simply the loglines of our two scripts, and a sentence or two in closing. I think your closing statement was done well.
Hi I agree with BCM above, the closing paragraph is a well constructed crucial point, in generating readers interest.. In the first paragraph (if I were sending it,) i would not include comparisons to other people's work. You are giving the reader something unique to you, keep it that way. Also you have roughly 15 more words to play with in log line, to bring to life the intense and personal complex union and psychotic love/ hate, betwixt human and non human. I would add this edge. Hope it goes well.
So, Debbie, isn't a logline just one sentence? And I thought it was expected of the reader to see a comparison to a combination of popular movies.
Hi @John A log line can be a couple of sentences, as long as it hits the nail on the head. Most readers want something marketable, unique and memorable enough to turn the page. If an idea hasn't been done before its a bonus, but it's up to you if you want to give comparisons,
Yeah, I've always heard it was a good idea to give comparisons to popular movies.
Ok. Let us know how you get on, hope all goes well. Personally I've never done that.
Will do.