Your Stage : The Code of the Falcon by Olaf Blunk

Well, here´s the short synopsis, a logline was only meant to be a one-sentence-conclusion: Martin and his best friend Bernie are involved in an internal war at the CIA. The hunt for Slimo, who assassinated members of Martin's internal investigation unit, leads them to Mexico, where they have to deal with hostile agents, gangsters and a Mexican drug cartel - a demanding journey that will take them to the limits of their skills, experience and energy simply to survive.

Thx, not quite right, Martin and Bernie are hunting down Slimo, who is spying on a Mexican drug cartel on behalf of the CIA.

Olaf: I think the second half of your logline is weak. Of course his skills and experience will be tested during the hunt. Reading that second half of the logline might make people pass because you're stating the obvious.

The first half of your logline should state the reason why the superiors are corrupt, and why they hunt Martin. Something like "After discovering the connection/relationship between a drug cartel and his agency, a CIA agent is hunted by his superiors."

@A.S. Templeton: It would be nice, if you could show or explain me the irregular margins and nonstandard placement & use of parentheticals, as I don´t see any.

Here´s an example page, you can refer to:

@Emile M. Hobo: The sample you linked to, also has the character names centered. What do you exactly mean by set margins? Is it better to split a dialogue on 2 pages with (CONT´D) or have less than 54-56 lines per page?

@Rick Hernandez: Here´s the long synopsis from my query letter, as the short synopsis leaves many question unanswered but many don´t want to scroll through the entire script:

The movie begins as Martin enters the disco "Old Canteen" in Washington, D.C. at night. He is supposed to meet an informant there, who offers him information about the internal war going on at the CIA .

The meeting at the disco turns out to be a set-up. Shots are fired, Martin survives, gets caught by a SWAT team and is processed to a police station. He manages to place a tap at the station phone before he is carried away by corrupt secret agents in a penitentiary bus with no destination at all.

He succeeds in taking over the bus, kills his opponents and interrogates the driver. His best friend Bernie, also a secret agent, picks him up in the middle of nowhere. After some highly charged debate, they agree to take action against their corrupt CIA superiors.

Susan, who also works for the agency and supports them wherever she can, joins them. Slimo, a half- Russian secret agent, who was mentioned by one of the deceased kidnappers, turns out to be their target number one. He was responsible for the assassination of members of Martin's internal investigation unit and is spying on paramilitary and drug cartels in Mexico.

Martin takes a plane to Mexico City, where he manages to identify Lucilla, the girlfriend of Slimo's buddy Chris in the night club "Las Ventanas." The next day he's ambushed by hostile American agents in a supermarket. He barely survives a gas explosion and escapes to Vivy's appartment, a female friend of Bernie. She takes care of him until Bernie arrives.

Martin and Bernie show up at "El Nuevo Paradiso", a brothel Lucilla works at, which turns out to be the next setup. After a heavy shootout the three escape to Vivy's place with an ID card of one of the gangsters. It leads to Javier, a member of the "Los Muertes Vivientes" drug cartel, which has its headquarters in the mountains north of Mexico City.

Javier and Martin become friends over the Playstation Network, then meet in person in a national park, where he and Bernie are escorted to the drug cartel headquarters by helicopter. A cat-and-mouse game unfolds, with Martin finally succeeding in Javier giving away where Slimo and Chris are hiding.

The "Lobos Uno" TV station - the drug cartel hideout in the capital - is the place of the showdown. Martin and Bernie succeed in convincing Carlos, one of the bosses there, to help them by letting his surveillance team track down Slimo and Chris' location.

Bernie catches Chris, then Martin finds Slimo and takes him into custody after a hard fight. As they leave the station, Slimo's hired hitmen attack them on the highway. After a wild car chase Martin and Bernie escape to an abandoned airport, where they switch to a helicopter. They fly to a small mountain city where they finally board a jet that takes them back to Washington, D.C.

Chris is interrogated, gives it all up – and it's all recorded on tape. Martin, Bernie and Susan succeed in bringing the corrupt CIA superiors to trial who are convicted and taken into custody. The movie fades with a zoom out of a black-and-white photograph of Martin, Bernie, Susan and several other agents standing behind the old bosses, who are seated at a desk.

Well you can´t do more than to to center the names on Word, can you?

@Owen Mowatt: The screenplay is based on my novel, there you´ll find the answer on page 108:

https://www.amazon.de/Code-Falken-Olaf-Blunk/dp/3710323681

AS

There ain't Black spies in the CIA running drugs to Mexico. The 'default' complexion in Hollywood scripts is white. I havent read the script though. I apologize to Mr Olaf If I am wrong.

Well, hold on guys, "dark-skinned" is meant in a brownish, maybe Latino kind of way. You have to bear in mind, that I´m a European and black dudes are an absolute minority, especially in the northern country I live in less than 0.5 % of the population. I don´t write black characters because I simply don´t interact with any in daily life, and rarely see some on the streets. I will consider most of your formatting tips, especially those with the parathenticals, but I´m quite surprised about the page numbering, since most of the popular screenplays I read i.e. "Pulp Fiction" don´t have any. @A.S. Templeton: Where do I have to write a Fade In / Fade Out?

Emile M. Hobo , A. S. Templeton Thanks for the formatting tips, I nearly took all of them into consideration.

The reformatted script now features:

- U.S. letter (8,5" x 11")

- Character lines in the right place

- Parentheticals in the right place

- page numbering

- Fade In and Fade Out

All of these changes unfortunately lengthened the script by 20 pages, I hope 140 pages is not too much for a spec script writer.

The altered screenplay is now online on:

https://studios.amazon.com/projects/144420

Good to have you guys around :))