Screenwriting : Being repetitive by Neo Bryce

Post an extract so we have some context.

I gravitate towards my favourite words and I often sense I'm being repetitive when writing action. I'm a novice but my approach is to keep writing, not looking back until I've completed the draft I'm on. I can fix anything jarring or repetitive on future drafts.

Well, in general, you want to avoid redundancies -- repeated words, repeated information, repeated beats, etc, etc, etc.

Let the story flow through you then when your done give it a week then go back and take your time making the corrections where needed.

Pierre Langenegger this is just one of many. Notice I repeat the word 'smiles'.

A. S. Templeton Action, mostly.

Todd Bronson Thank you! Thank you so much.

Adam Harper yeah, I do that too. Maybe I should try that more often. Because thinking of the right words usually disrupts my flow.

Beth Fox Heisinger thank you, thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

Herbie Galloway thank you so much. This is really helpful.

A little trick I use . . name your characters after their annoying habit. So when you see the name you instantly "feel" them. For example: I have an agent of the the law I call Ball Buster (just for now). Characters have to be doing something: Ball Buster plays with a knife, sips drinks, taps a pencil, squeezes your shoulders a little too hard . . .things that a Ball Buster would do. I generally don't use a facial expression. Let the actor figure that part out. Give them annoyance. Hope that helps.

I would worry about using the same words in the same chunk of action or scene.

Ex. John runs along the roof and jumps the chasm between two buildings. Then he run and jumps up and grabs the top of a squat chimney and pulls himself up. He surveys the cityscape around him. The SHOT of a gun makes him jump.

I would also hesitate to use the same adjective repeatedly. "He languidly walks across the bar and enters the restroom. He languidly shuffles to a urinal."

But using the word repetitively can be used effectively. As an example in the original "Alien" movie (but not in the script) there's a sequence of dialogue:

Ripley: Whenever he says anything you say "right", Brett. You know that?

Brett: Right.

Ripley: Parker, what do you think? Your staff just follows you around and says "right". Just like a regular parrot.

Parker: [laughs] Yeah, shape up. What are you, some kind of parrot?

Brett: Right

Neo, in your example above, I find that repetitive -- looks, glances, smiles, smiles. So we have two people looking and smiling without further context. It doesn't give much to what's behind those smiles, any subtext, and the adverbs don't help much either. Repeats can work fine if they add another element to the scene or further context. Not just repeat. In your example, consider a smile is already implied with "incredible." So perhaps just: Maggie looks out at the orange sky. "Incredible." (Imply a possible romance or love interest?) Perhaps then: Jordan watches, his eyes never leaving her. "Yeah, incredible." Now, you have a repeated word "incredible" but with different meaning behind it. Hope that helps!

I wouldn't worry so much about the repetition of smiles, but I would remove subtly and silently.

I tend to use the same verbs over and over again in my vomit draft, then I go back in the polish rounds to cut them down to be used once or twice max so their recurrence isn't a distraction to the reader.

Pierre Langenegger I see. Are “subtly” and “silently” not doing anything to support the whole action?

Beth Fox Heisinger thank you! This really helps a lot. I have more scenes like this that if you read them, they have no context behind them.

Steve Cleary Thanks! Thank you so much

I think the advice Todd gave earlier in this thread is sound advice. Don't worry about it too much when you're on your first draft. You can refine and amend with better verbs and adverbs in later drafts; trying to weed them out in your first draft could affect the flow.

I'll always remember the advice a poetry tutor gave, even though I rarely work in the medium anymore. He said that the most creative part of the writing process, for him, is the editing. His point was that the first draft is the foundations of whatever he was writing, and he saw the subsequent drafts as the space where he could refine and be more creative.

To answer your question Neo, they're adverbs, you don't need them. How is an actor going to show subtly? If a character doesn't speak at that moment then their smile will be silent, you don't need to tell us that the character is not talking when they don't have dialogue.

Neo, another aspect of repetition to consider is overwriting, which is a common struggle for new screenwriters, well, for all screenwriters. Lol! Great action writing is sparse and powerful. If you are overusing unnecessary adverbs and/or adjectives then you're not choosing active verbs and/or you may be inadvertently overcompensating for a lack of clarity—using "fillers." The use of adverbs and adjectives themselves is perfectly fine (they are their function) but use them judiciously and effectively, especially in screenwriting. Overuse or glaring misuse is not effective screenwriting. Example of poorly written action: "Sue looks angrily at Bob." Better action: "Sue glares at Bob." The clearer the image you depict, the more enjoyable your story will be for your reader. And as Pierre pointed out... also recognize and utilize natural common knowns of images, words, concepts, actions—of life. Smiles without speaking are silent—no need to say more. And as I pointed out in my example above, a smile is also implied with your dialogue "incredible." If someone is looking at something in amazement or aw or admiration, then what expression is usually on her/his face? A smile or a wide-eyed look, right? So by giving some subtext to what's going on in that little moment, rather than just the obvious, that gives your reader more information. And should this go further... the actors will have something more to work with too, take your hints and play that scene as they see fit. :) About silence... When a verbal response is expected from a character and she/he gives none, that can work well. Or perhaps there's an uncomfortable or ugly silence between characters... that can be effective. It's trying to capture on paper a sense of palpable action and emotion — hard to achieve! But when you do, the effect is powerful. :)

Neo Bryce You are very welcome! Another thing I do is a search for "ly" and try to remove all the adverbs and replace the verb with a more powerful action verb. Ex: "Steve smiles smugly at Neo" becomes "Steve sneers at Neo".

I tried finding a certain scene from one of my screenplays, but couldn't:( Anyway, it goes a bit like this, sorry if it's not identical, but I think it's very similar to what I wrote:

"(The hero) marches into combat. Five enemies fight against him. He kills one of them. He annihilates a second. He neutralizes a third one. He obliterates the fourth. He then plunges his blade into the last enemy and slashes him to death."

Martyn John Armstrong , Pierre Langenegger , Beth Fox Heisinger , Steve Cleary ,Victor Titimas , Bruce Burnett thank you so much! This has been a great help!

According to some of the best books on screenwriting, the same word should not be used every time. The reader / production companies gets bunches of scripts on their desks daily. Some are good and some doesn't sounds heavy enough to impress. If you use the same word over and over again the reader gets irritated. U should keep a dictionary by your side for similar words. This will help you. And the first ten pages of your script should have the power of convincing the reader to read the script further, or they ain't gonna read it further. Hope you got me.

read scripts. that's all. read 1000 scripts. Working Execs know more about screenwriting than trained writers.

Worry about style and voice. Repeat, rewrite and smash. Study Shane Black's lethal weapon script. Look at his sentence descriptions, one word descriptions, unfilmable suggestions. He smashed the foundation of screenwriting at age 22.