Walk through Cold Fire logline:
Unhappy with her mundane suburban life after the loss of her mother and her father’s remarriage, sixteen-year-old Desiree Valentine longs for freedom. A fateful summer vacation in Breechwater provides her with adventure and a sense of belonging when she falls in with a group known as the Outlaws and falls in love for the first time.
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-Thoughts?
Hi Angie, I picture this as a coming of age, but then I'm not sure if it's a drama or a romance? The premise is very clear, I would just clarify the main conflict so that I want to go to read the script to find out what happens at the end. Also, what about stakes? Just my thoughts. Good luck with it! :)
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Thanks Martina! It is a coming of age, and it is a drama and a romance! I am glad all of that came through with this logline. The conflict lies with her middle-class values vs. those of the Outlaws that she becomes a part of. The stakes would be if she chooses to stay a part of the Outlaws, she would give up her promising future and alienate herself from her family, but she would have the love and belonging that she thinks she can only get from the gang. Not sure how to work all of that in, but will keep trying!
Revised:
Unhappy with her mundane suburban life after the loss of her mother and her father’s remarriage, sixteen-year-old Desiree Valentine longs for freedom. A fateful summer vacation in Breechwater provides her with adventure and a sense of belonging when she falls in with a group known as the Outlaws and falls in love for the first time. A tragedy forces her to choose between her middle-class values or her newfound friends, a decision that will determine her future.
revised logline is worse. (IMO).
Keep it simple and short, clear concept that another person can pitch "upstairs to their bosses."
my take: A spoiled suburban teenager falls in love with an outlaw biker and they become the new Bonnie & Clyde, riding and robbing across America.
Can I try for fun? When a restless 16 year old meets a group of rebel teenagers and falls in love with one of them, catastrophic events push her to choose between her middle class conventional family and the tempestuous new love of her life. Just a try...you have all the elements, you just need to say it all in less than 40!words! Good luck! :)
Dan- thanks! Yours is a different story, mine is more YA- Think CW channel style. But yours sounds fun!
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Following the death of her mother, a sheltered teen unwittingly finds love and solace with an outlaw. Solid concept. Lends itself to a wealth of possibilities
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My take:
A summer vacation in Breechwater provides Desiree, a 16 year old struggling to come to terms with her mother's death and father's remarriage, a sense of freedom and belonging when she joins a rebellious group known as the Outlaws and falls in love for the first time.