Your Stage : Logline Suggestions by Andrew Heard

Hi, Andrew. I would suggest letting the title and logline work together and adding more excitement and plot. Right now it reads a bit too flat in my humble opinion. This story seems somewhat familiar to Percy Jackson, yes?

I don't know your story... so just for fun and for example:

PANDORA'S BOX

A teenage descendant of Greek legend is tasked to guard a mythical box, but when ancient forces invade her high school, threaten to expose her and release the box's powers upon the world she must fight the god come to destroy us all.

If that's a bit too long you could omit "to expose her." It's not necessary but, hey, I like it in there. ;)

The omitted version:

PANDORA'S BOX

A teenage descendant of Greek legend is tasked to guard a mythical box, but when ancient forces invade her high school and threaten to release the box's powers upon the world she must fight the god come to destroy us all.

Those two options give you something to play around with, see what else you can discover.

Hope that helps! Good luck! :)

Hi Andrew,

I'm not that great at Loglines but perhaps this helps:

A teenage descendant of the legendary Pandora's box, tasked with guarding a mythical box, must fight invading ancient forces determined to open it.

Sorry Andrew. "and release its powers" could be tacked on the end.

Just another angle to consider/build on.

And reversed with a bit more detail...

When her parents entrust a mysterious box to her protection, Pandora, an average/typical high school teenager, is thrust into an ancient/epic battle/struggle involving spirits and Gods/the supernatural.

Unknown magical powers want to open Pandora's Box, and only Pandora's modern teenage descendant can stop them!

All really interesting suggestions. I'll take them into consideration and see what I can do.

Any more suggestions are also welcome.

Be mindful of the differences between concept/premise lines, taglines, and loglines. A logline is a concise summary of the story, conveying the most abbreviated version of the main narrative. Here's a pdf that may be helpful. It's Christopher Lockhart's paper on how to construct a logline: http://www.twoadverbs.com/logline.pdf. Again, hope that helps! ;)

Thank you Beth, I'm curious if I should be more detailed in my synopsis? I feel like it's too similar to the logline. And given that it's the premise for a series, should it be a summary of the pilot episode or the series overall?

Yes, they are too similar. Your synopsis seems too thin, too short as well. It doesn't really dive into the story or characters or plot, etc. Summarize your pilot episode in full, including the ending, and then give an overview of your series. Where it goes from here, the season arcs, etc, multiple seasons, perhaps. Avoid getting into every detail, of course, just main story arcs. You want your title, logline, synopsis to all work together in tandem, and not be repetitive of each other.

Oh, and you're welcome. ;) Best to you!

Thanks very much.

So, I made a major update to both the logline and the summary. The summary is much more detailed and lays out my ideas for future seasons and episodes.

Like, Beth jugested, I already try to add a 'but..' to raise or show the stakes of the story. A 'however' also works. Also my humble opinion. Good luck. Tip: read lots of logline samples. INKTIP has lots of suggestions and no need to pay.

Hi Andrew, I know you've probably got your loglines down pat but, I came across a Stage32 webinar I downloaded in 2016 titled: Logline:Sell your Story in a Single Sentence You may wish to check it's still available. I've found it extremely informative and will endeavour to apply it to mine. Good luck with it all.