Returning to an action/comedy script I started a while back. Hoping to finish first draft shortly. Though I haven't finished script yet, I do like to nail down a solid logline in my mind as I find it helps. Which one do you feel is better?
A rookie police officer is given two weeks to choose his new partner. A fierce competition develops between two rival policeman who’ve been threatened with working together if they can't find a partner.
Two rival police officers are threatened with working together if neither of them can find a suitable partner. When a new rookie arrives, 'to protect and to serve' becomes the least of their priorities as they compete to win the rookie over.
Hi Pete, I like the first one.
For me, the second one. I did a double-take when reading about a rookie choosing his own partner, because that doesn’t happen. The second made that situation clearer. It also sounds like the two feuding cops are the focus of the story, not the rookie, which bolsters the reasons to go with the second.
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they're both terrible. No story. Just a setup.
Thanks guys. Appreciate the comments. I think if I tweak the second one I can get it sharper and still keep it's appeal. And Stephen you are right, the two cops are the focus so the second logline probably shows that more,
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Off Dan’s comment, I don’t think every logline needs to detail a plot if other elements like theme and character are enough to capture your interest. It seems like, for this story, the character relationships are the driving force. They could be solving a murder or waiting in line for donuts and it would not change what the story is about. Based on the second logline, I don’t need to know the plot to know I’d totally watch it.
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Great stuff, Stephen. That's terrific insight. Best of luck, Pete.
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Thanks to all. I got no dramas with Dan's comment. I have agreed with him on this site more than not agreed with him.
And anytime any throws something like a logline or idea or comment in the forum, you gotta be prepared for a variety of feedback.
And yes, logline is a bit of a setup style but deliberate. Other loglines I have done have been more story or arc focused but different context or genre. If somehow this cop movie was made, I think we can all imagine the style, tone and type of film it would be and so logline is setup biased. But I got no dramas with the Dan. Good man.