Hey guys. Throwing out another logline. You're all so good at it and I suck. Last time was a great experience for me. I really appreciate the help.
What do we think of this?
When a secret agent sets out for revenge on the man who killed his partner, he uncovers a conspiracy that threatens to destroy his beliefs, his family and his very life.
Love your input. Thanks. Keep it coming. Lol
"A secret agent must find the man who killed their partner before a life-threatening conspiracy is leaked to the press"
Just my take without knowing the context of the story, it still leaves a lot of questions. I feel the need to know what the character must do to resolve the conspiracy issue. It feels like two stories - 1) a revenge plot, 2) a conspiracy/mystery plot. I'd think about which is more important and maybe focus on that for the logline.
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what is so unique about this agent? why are they choosing revenge as an option? you need to look at giving this depth and point of difference because it just sounds like every 4th movie on Apple trailers at the moment. This type of film has been done a lot so give us your unique film. Sell the character. And dont use word "conspiracy" in logline cos now I know a major plot development plus the conspiracy thing has been done a lot. Save it for the screenplay.
"A bureaucratic intelligence agent secretly chooses revenge over justice after her partner is killed and discovers something that shakes her core beliefs and risks the lives of those close to her."
not great but you get what I mean -
already we have learned this person is bureaucratic, officious, maybe even very loyal to institutions and structures. We learn that revenge is a hard choice for them and that she has to do it in secret. And we learn she is going to be challenged as a person with some sort of moral dilemma and conflict by what she discovers and it places lives in danger.
By putting a bit of meat on the bones, a better (not perfect by any means) and more appealing version of a common story take shape.
Thanks Pete. I appreciate the time you took to respond.
That's what's so great about this site. Getting real feedback from people who think and offer options. THANKS TO EVERYONE!
HOW ABOUT THIS: "A secret agent sets out for revenge when he uncovers a truth that shakes him to his core, now, if he wants to live, he has to trust the man he thought he despised most." Better??
Brian Elias That last version is rather ambiguous. While it's natural to want to hide the real facts - especially in a spy thriller - you do need to convey more in your logline in order to truly whet a reader's appetite. Failing to cmmunicate what's special and unique about your story is only going to hurt it; it'll just end up sounding like a thousand others. If you'd like, I can send you a Logline Helpsheet I put together a while back for my clients and subscribers. Message me if you'd like it. My best, Phil. www.philmscribe.com
maybe you need to go down the Moby Dick road about an agent whose path to revenge leads him down a road of self discovery etc etc and use the spy story as a back drop more than a plot device - now that's a slight point of difference to the the genre. BUt depends on what you want this story to be - drama and character based? action summer blockbuster style? comedy?
Thanks guys, I'm digging in!!
1 person likes this
You can like it! I loved it! lol
1 person likes this
WHAT DO WE THINK OF THIS? TOO MUCH??
"A secret agent tracks down a mysterious element capable of weaponizing people into super humans and uncovers truths that make him a target by enemies and friends. Now he's forced to trust the man he despises most if he wants to survive and see his family again."