Screenwriting : Please give me feedback on my short screenplay. by Cassidy Orme

There's nothing posted.

it's under loglines/screenplay. I don't think you can just post a screenplay by itself

You sure? Checked on two different computers/browsers.

Yep, there's nothing there.

A screenplay by itself will not get you noticed. Logline?

I don't know how to upload it then.. I uploaded it to logline. this site used to have an option for uploading a screenplay... seems that option is gone

uploaded it again.. thanks for being patient.. should be there now if not ill have to add a

link

It's still not uploaded to your profile as far as I can see. For what it's worth!

Is this your first script?

I have a couple of tips up front:

- Don't post your script in Word format. Save it as a PDF and post that instead.

- Use screenwriting software so your script will contain page numbers. It's impossible for anyone to give you specific notes if there are no page numbers for reference.

- Don't introduce a character as MAN and then attribute their dialogue to BARNEY, that just doesn't work.

- Don't explain why an action occurs. This falls under "Show, don't tell".

I strongly suggest you read scripts of movies that you enjoy and are similar to the genre/theme that you're currently writing. Look at how they write, look at the lengths of their action paragraphs and how the description works, look at how they introduce characters, look at how they use dialogue, then read as many scripts as you can get your hands on. Make yours look like those.

Cassidy:

The writing is solid and you have conveyed a clear tone and world where your characters live. The script kept my interest and that's the name of the game. The image of a guy in a Barney suit getting smacked around is a good sight gag.

I won't point out any formatting errors but when you post in a forum like this one, most writers will point them out. And since some of the previous posters don't know what screenwriting software you have, I think their suggestions were kindly meant. Best of luck with your work.

Cassidy – Yes, you really do need to explain.

You say you have Scrivener and Final Draft. I don’t know what Scrivener looks like on the page but if it doesn’t add page numbers then it’s not a good tool, so I would suggest you use Final Draft, if you really do have it.

You also need to explain “Word pdf is easiest way to upload”. This is not a PDF, this is a Word document that I can edit. Are you saying that you wrote this using screenwriting software then converted it into a Word doc to upload? If you are, then that is a very awkward and convoluted way of doing things and not the way anybody who wants to be taken seriously would do it. If you really do have Final Draft then you should know that it can save your script as a PDF and THAT is the easiest way to upload and share.

And please explain what is wrong with the notes I gave you? I’m not going to repeat it, they’re just up there if you scroll up a little. I’m happy to give you more detailed notes on your first five pages but only if you add page numbers to your script. If you want people to read your script then you have to provide a PDF that’s properly formatted otherwise most people just aren’t going to bother. I’ve helped people win competitions, do you think that’s because I gave terrible notes?

Look, we all started at the same place where you are right now but the successful ones are the ones who learn rather than complain and try to justify why the notes are wrong.