Author and general writer offering stories and sketch ideas pro bono. I am too Finnish and not-networked enough to get anything done by myself lol, right now I am writing a book about my history including several rapes, addictions, abusive relationships, amnesia, dissociation, suicide, auditory hallucinations and traumatization. Also a peanut called Harley makes a special appearance.
I finished a surreal heist-movie script for which I have a sponsor for in Finland, it's still cooking because (look the second sentence above). Anyone wanting to hop on board for this dadaist caravan of broken hearts, notify me. No? Anyone? Offering bits and pieces of what's currently in progress. I am also a decent comedienne (give me a wig and I can be anyone), must be with this history lmao.
// The narrator (me) escapes to local shelter for abuse victims, and the violence she experienced triggered past trauma memories she had dissociated away for decades. She understands she had been sexually abused as a child, and everything she thought to know was a lie as the sexual violence happened in a family she was close with... //
" I have been thinking about getting a tattoo
So far I have none
It’s not the pain or forever-aspect I fear in those but giving away too many clues what I am like
I am not trying to be a mystery, closed book, nothing like that
I just don’t want to show any telltale signs I am a person and not just a shell
Every time I’d see my tattoo, it would remind me of that
The contrast might some days be too much
My current favorite idea are letters on knuckles, the badass I am
Inked words ”Mercy” and ”Grace” to both hands
Or my deepest, uttermost fantasy that ”It’s all grace”
When right now, it is really difficult to believe in that
Or anything in fact
I look like a country singer from the 80s, I am growing my hair as a costume I can wear
And my little eyes peek under pink massive heavy fringe like two mushrooms through concrete climbing towards the sun
I feel closer to suicide today than on those really tormented, dissociative nights when I prayed God that he’d exist, swore I would get to him unless he’s real, slice him with a samurai sword and feed his head to pigs
I am working, in the piece a doll-like figure is crucified head down in a winter forest with a bucket full of blood coming from her hands
It doesn’t ease my decision, to yes or no, that I am still alive and with some tiny prospects one day it being okay
Internal war is its peak and I know a choice is near, like church bells from the distance my death announces firmly it cannot wait much longer
I can see myself with a needle rolled gently from my right hand, my head arranged in the middle of puke mousse
Eyes like glass, eyes like antique teddybear’s I have taken one long last look
But what would it be
I am scared to address what I am really going through as my emotional vitals cannot really take it still
I see my spirit dancing on Scandianvian breeze wearing nothing but laurel wreath
My oxygen is running out, panic attack is rising
Or then it’s just the gas chamber I am in
I just want to go "
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Good to meet you, Velvet Elle, and welcome to the community! You definitely have come to the right place to network, although as a writer, you don't really need anyone else to "get things done", do you? Are you currently writing and releasing it to the public, like through a blog or twitter/instagram posts? Getting it out there is going to be just as valuable as your relationships, in my experience.
Wow, congratulations on writing such incredibly personal and powerful stuff! Are you working with a professional therapist as well? I can say from my own cathartic writing, it's incredibly healing to write about it, but when it comes time to share it with the world, you have to be okay with letting go with what you wrote for your healing and look towards what is aimed at an audience.
Since you are an author, I would highly recommend checking out the Authoring Lounge (https://www.stage32.com/lounge/playwriting) to meet like-minded creatives. Be sure to scroll through and comment on the conversations there to mix and mingle, too!
Keep in mind that these lounges are like the VIP Filmmaker's Lounges at Film Festivals, so this is where you can meet the people doing the work, get advice on anything you're working on, and/or give back to those who may need advice. We're a very supportive and encouraging community! I think you'd also enjoy my blog post on how to get the most out of the Stage32 Community:
https://www.stage32.com/blog/SocialSaturday-Mining-for-Gold-in-the-Stage...
Enjoy exploring the lounges, and don't forget to comment and respond to others’ posts, too! It's the best way to really connect!
Thank you Karen and good morning from this Finnish snowy dead-end town which has its own special beauty nevertheless within. It was so nice of you to welcome me here and show me how to navigate, truly appreciate that. Regarding your question; yes I am seeing therapists, and usually look after myself the very best I can. I have a professional contemporary artist website, but haven't thought of posting my recent literature work online. Apart from Stage32 I am not "anywhere" meaning IG or so, I have sort of given up the hope ever finding an audience outside my visual art which is quite sad obviously, but I play with the cards given to me. Having been ill for two decades, I cannot get thrills on success so I don't actively seek it, if this makes any sense. Happiness to me is measured in other forms. Luckily my fine art practise takes the majority of my time, and offers rewards so I don't actively regret my life choices each and every day.