Hi All,
I'm delighted to say my feature script, THE DARWIN PROTOCOL, won “Best Opening Scene” at the WILDsound January 2022 festival and the good people at WILDsound have turned the live read award into a screenplay movie to give us a taste of the opening! Screenplay movies can help an executive get a sense of the script, but as this script is a work in progress I would appreciate any and all comments...
https://storypitches.com/2022/01/04/screenplay-movie-the-darwin-protocol...
Here’s a brief story outline to give the opening some context…
Agent Zak Barnes is a man on a mission; to cover his ass before his dirty little secret reaches tipping point and exposes him to his government superiors. Having used the Covid–19 pandemic and the rush to find a vaccine as cover to funnel billions of dollars into his own off-the-books genetics project, which involved recruiting death-row inmates and tuning them into super soldiers, Barnes is now in hot water.
As all recruits were pathological serial-killers which made them more efficient soldiers and with the help of the latest gene technology, Barnes was able to restructure their genetic code giving then immense strength, super-fast reflexes, fantastic stamina, recuperative powers and off-the-charts cognitive abilities. But the experiment soon went horribly wrong and now Barnes has realized too late that two of his “recruits” have given their handlers the slip and are wreaking havoc across Europe.
Barnes must now rely on the skills of a third, “recruit”, Brett Nagel, another death-row inmate, a man who was in fact innocent of his crime, but Barnes deliberately withheld evidence which could have exonerated him. The problem is that the experiment wiped the memory of all three, so Nagel, his one hope to end the carnage has no idea of who he is, or who he was.
Many thanks...
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I love this synopsis. It sounds like a wild ride. I’d love to read it. But man, i’ve tried to brainstorm stories with effect of current events but it’s hard! Everything’s changing so fast, it’s hard to keep up!
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It’s a great hook. Definitely has my attention, and I can see how it won. My only constructive criticism is that the dialogue seems too forward. It’s good to leave things open to interpretation. Adds suspense.
For example, instead of “I just stopped your heart. Maybe i’ll start it up again, if you behave.” try “Do you wanna behave, or would rather end up like your friend over there?”
Just my two cents. But overall i’m impressed.
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Congrats on winning, Shane McCabe. I really like the synopsis. It sounds like an exciting story. It has high stakes. Give me a few minutes to listen to the screenplay movie. I'll give feedback.
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The screenplay movie was entertaining, action-packed, and thrilling, Shane McCabe. I like how the contest used pictures during scenes. The sound effects really brought the script to live. I liked how the script cut between the jogger and the woman. The opening scene had mystery and suspense (I didn't know who the jogger and the woman were or why the woman was afraid, but I wanted to keep listening to find out). I think this screenplay movie can be a great fundraising tool/etc.
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Hi Maurice Vaughan many thanks for your input. Yes, the idea is to create a sense of mystery with the opening... we will discover just who the Jogger is and the young woman, and why the thugs reference Sergei... The Jogger is part of the genetics project, a former death row inmate who is one of the super soldiers... glad you like it. I feel the competition did it justice with the visuals but I had the storyboards done myself and asked them to add them in... I appreciate you taking the time to view it!
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Kevin Goodyear, thanks for taking a look and your comments... yes, some food for thought... the idea is that he knows he can easily dispense with the two thugs who he considers total trash, so he plays with them... the ability to stop the heart is a bi-product of the genetics experiment... I like your line though. Again, I appreciate you taking the time to view it mate.
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You're welcome, Shane McCabe.
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Congratulations Shane! Keep an eye out for our 6th Annual Sci-Fi/Fantasy Contest this year!
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Congratulations on your win!