I have been trying to perfect screenwriting for awhile to get it ready to show producers, managers, or agents, or just anyone that can take this to the next level of getting closer to being made. I finally believe that I got something to bring everybody in to the movie theaters.
Logline: It is a mixture of “Love Actually’s” meets
“Deliverance”. A story of a husband that cheats on his wife with
his secretary that turns into a brutal family vacation. Pirates
with the background of ex-marines spare no mercy when it comes
to getting paid!
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Interesting idea. What genre? It sounds like potentially drama and comedy.
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Don't know if you've seen Christopher Lockhart's How to Craft a Logline webinar. It's very good. Here is some (or a lot) of info from it plus suggestions from others. Hope this helps!
Loglines are crafted by answering three questions: Who is the protagonist? What does she need? What stands in her way?
Also note that loglines usually don't reveal information beyond the first act.
Example from the Wizard of Oz:
Dorothy. Wants to get back to home to Kansas. Wicked witch stands in her way.
The below includes the 3 elements, and adds great visual info, but still isn’t right.
1. Use a strong adjective to describe character. A lonely farm girl (don’t use names!). For famous people, use an adjective to show how the character is being presented.
2. A lonely Kansas farm girl is whisked (rewrite to avoid passive voice) to a mysterious land in a cyclone and sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard who can whisk her home.
3. After a twister transports a lonely Kansas farm girl to a magical land, where she makes an enemy of a wicked witch, she sets out on a dangerous journey to find a wizard with the power to send her home.
Words to use – active, cinematic, physical
1. Loglines generally convey only the first act.
2. "No character names, please! Better to say 'a handicapped trapeze artist' than 'Jane Doe'.”
3. Tie together the big picture and the personal picture. Which character has the most to lose in this story? Now tell me what he or she wants to win.
4. Read the one-line blurbs on the New York Times Bestseller list to learn how to do this. Writing a one-sentence description is an art form.
5. Use cinematic words the convey the movie, the cinematography,
6. Use words that make the protagonist active not passive. Use words to see the protagonist.
a. Use words that are external
i. Struggles, fights, investigates all connote momentum and conflict
b. Avoid internal words
i. Decides, realizes, learns
ii. These suggest moments in the story rather than the dramatic overview
iii. Use words that display and active protagonist rather than reactive. Keep your protagonist at the forefront and on the offensive.
7. The goal is the purpose of the story – without a goal, there is no story
a. If Dorothy had no goal to get back to Kansas, there is no screenplay.
b. Drama is the quest of the hero to overcome those things which prevent him from achieving a specific, acute goal. The goal is what attracts movie stars.
c. The character is defined by the choices she makes in the pursuit of the goal
8. Infer stakes and urgency
a. A twister dropped her in a foreign land conveys urgency to get back home (goal)
9. Use words that are in the tone of your script.
10. Use words that allow you to say less
11. Use the best words to say exactly what you want to convey
Examples of bad loglines and how to fix (some of them)
After his wife of 35-years dies, Joe must choose whether to stay in his house or move to Florida.
1. Choose is not a very exciting word. 110 pages of trying to decide where to move. Not a strong want.
2. No antagonist force is visible
A boxer stricken with MS takes a job sweeping floors at a hair salon.
1. No info about a goal.
A dishonest attorney must tell the truth for 24 hours.
1. This is only a concept without a goal
2. Rewrite: When his son makes a [magical] birthday wish, a dishonest attorney find himself unable to lie for 24 hours and struggles to win the biggest case of his career armed only with the truth.
While peeing and texting his feminist boss, a fresh faced recruit accidently sends her a “dick pic.”
1. No goal
2. Rewrite: While peeing and texting his feminist boss, a fresh faced recruit accidently sends her a “dick pic” and struggles to get to her phone and erase the photo before she sees it.
3. Don’t need to explain why she hasn’t seen the pic yet, etc.
When a young boy claims to see dead people, a distraught psychologist struggles to help him.
1. Ineffective structure. Lead with the protagonist.
2. A distraught psychologist struggles to help a young boy overcome a bizarre affliction - he sees dead people.
3. While this goes beyond the first act (don’t know about seeing dead people until the second act), it’s ok.
Good loglines
A hydrophilic sheriff struggles to kill a man-eating shark during tourist season when the Chamber of Commerce refuses to close the beach.
Colorado Springs’ first black policeman infiltrates the local chapter of the KKK – posing as a white man – with the intent of taking down the organization.
A bounty hunter and six diehard gunslingers struggle to kill off a robber baron and his cutthroat army that has stolen the gold rights from a small town.
1. Even though there are 7 in actuality, pull out main character and separate from the rest.
Loglines that aren’t typical – ensemble, two protagonists
A varied group of Brits struggles with the pleasures, pain, and power of love during the Christmas season.
1. While this isn’t a typical logline, it works. An ensemble piece may be what someone is looking for.
With two protagonists, pick one to write the logline for because the story usually belongs to one character.
What a logline does
• Conveys the dramatic aspects of the story
• The 3 parts must feel organic and all work together
• A window into the story
• Present the basic facts of your story. Not gimmicky. Do not state the theme. May infer theme, but do not state.
• Can see the movie
• Don’t put the ending in. Want to entice.
• Not a synopsis. One or two lines describing story in a dramatic and succinct manner.
• It the calling card for those
• The GPS of your story. Helps keep it on track.
• Logline are not poetic, they simply tell your story
1. Loglines are not coy (i.e., characters go thru romping fun)
2. Objective but subjective. Do not tell them what it means to them. Let them extrapolate what they want to.
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I second what Leslie Weller said about Christopher Lockhart's webinar, Joseph Richardson. It's incredible! It'll really help with your logline. Here's the link: www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...