Hi I am David I have a short film I am working on it's about an ex navy seal. Working for the cyber crime division Who discovers several agents from the FBI are involved in a money laundering scheme. But it's only the log line
Introduce Yourself : Aspiring screenwriter by David R McDowell
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Sounds interesting, David R McDowell. I think your logline needs some work. Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality and the protagonist's position/role) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).
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First off, great to have you here, David. Second, some sage advice from Maurice above.
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If it's one or two sentences then why would it need some work?
My bad, David R McDowell. The "Who" in your logline is capitalized, so I thought that was a separate sentence. A one-sentence logline is ideal.
I think your logline needs a better structure and more details about the story.
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Hi David R McDowell - it's great to meet you here in the community!
I’m the Director of Education here at Stage 32. If I can ever recommend any of our education for you or be of any help on your Stage 32 journey please reach out to me directly at edu@stage32.com.
Also, here is a link to the Stage 32 education landing page so you can check out all of the webinars, classes and labs that are at your fingertips as a community member: https://www.stage32.com/education