Screenwriting : Received a pass on written pitch by Adam Brandt

What happened to me was that I sent my pitches twice and both times I got great comments, pretty good grades too, but no requests. If they like it, why they didn’t ask to read it? They made some small suggestions, but no explanations what is wrong (they actually said it has a great potential for the market). Producers already have an idea what they want and they want it now. They don’t say what they want, so we can only guess, and if we are lucky enough maybe our idea matches theirs. It’s so unfair… but I guess that is the price of being a screenwriter.

First and foremost, DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED. Most Writers, without the aid of a great platform like this, go years before they gain access to Producers/Managers or agents. Getting professional eyes and feedback on your stories is an excellent and valuable opportunity. Having said that, I believe phone/Skype pitching is the way to go here. The written pitch may help you craft unsolicited pitches or give you an idea of what to include in a pitch, but it's not as effective, useful, or practical as a verbal pitch. I would take the feedback you've received, craft it into a verbal pitch, then you have a few options; You can dive right in and buy a few phone/skype pitch sessions or, before you do that, work it out in the Pitch Practice or Pitch Tank they offer in the Writer's Room. Chances are, your first few pitches are going to be a "pass," but if you apply the feedback, you will likely get a material or script request. Also, be judicious when choosing who to pitch to. Look for Producers who have deals with Production companies, studios, and streamers , and look for Development Executives who are currently with a company. Now, about "leave them wanting to know more"... That's what I used to think, too! Turns out, that's not the case. The "more" you want them to discover, may actually be the detail that's preventing you from getting requests. At first I had a hard time with that ("But the twist in my pilot is brilliant. How can I possibly give that away?"). That was a huge and game-changing adjustment for me.

I hope that helps.

Hi Adam Brandt - in my experience, everyone involved in the process has difference likes, look-fors, and expectations. It's part of the package. One wants short and sweet while another wants blah, blah, blah. I recommend reading many sources about screenplay "one pagers", find you best middle-of-the-road, and then rewrite as more good feedback comes your way.

Adam - I've found this type of feedback to be disturbingly common. They just identify whatever it was that you couldn't fit into your two page pitch, and then ask for more of that. Of course without suggesting what you would leave out of your pitch to make room for this extra information, their advice is worthless.

Less is more when it comes to not including minor things and unnecessary things in the pitch, Adam Brandt, but you want to give the reader enough to understand and connect with the story and the key characters (things like their personalities and their motives). Email success@stage32.com for the updated written pitch examples. One of them is for a series.

I don't pitch often because I once had a producer tell me that "Our default response is NO. It's almost automatic." I could never shake that comment. Therefore, I invest in producer "script reads" / phone conversations instead of pitches. I may get back into the pitch saddle. Meh. Maybe.

Adam Brandt Correct me if I'm wrong, you have up to 2 pages, correct? You submitted 1 page. So, you do have room for more information. Since this is a 1/2 dramedy, it's important to speak about the other characters. If you think about the show Superior Donuts, it about Arthur running his shop, but also about the young Franco coming in to help the outdated Arthur get himself in to the modern age. All while serving a recurring cast of characters in the shop. With that in mind, the show isn't just about the dad and his food truck, it's also about the family members, the other food truck owners and the land owner and the recurring customers.

Christopher Phillips yes. The last pitch I did a month ago wanted a one page. I had hoped I put my best work into the one page. This last pitch said 1-2. I went with my best one page.

I have a 19 page bible, and 2 pages are just character introductions. There is a lot to tell and unpackage, and coming from the prior pitch that wanted one page, I could've reworked it to fill up two.

Everyone wants something different.... I was gaining traction on virtual pitch with one pagers, so I concentrated on that!

Just venting and thanks for the feedback!

I would say at most only 1-2 pitches are going to actually get requested so you have to remember it often has nothing to do with anything other than it’s not what they’re looking for. you could have a perfect pitch but if it’s for a thriller and they are looking for a comedy they’re not going to request it. also most producers of value have a slate of their own projects that they’re already working on so there isn’t a lot of bandwidth for new projects and then only projects that are in line with their specific taste. it’s unfortunate but there’s always an element of luck that comes into play as well, finding the right producer at the right time with the right project.

I've revised it just a bit. Anyone interested in checking out the new pitch, just over one page, can find it here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-_C3yS0a1HEEr61DyYGhdi5gtuRBSXZGG1gy...

Adam Brandt I took a look at the document. The format could use some rearranging. You start with the title and the logline. The next thing should be a summary of the story. (3-5 paragraphs). You started with background on the lead character and then started listing bios of some of the characters and then some more background material. It should be a summary of the story - beginning, middle, and end. You weave in all the elements as you summarize the story.

Grillo-Marxuach has some nice examples of all the various pitching formats on his website. http://okbjgm.weebly.com/downloads.html

Here is Shonda Rhimes' 10 page pitch of Grey's Anatomy. Maybe you can lift something from her pages and use.

What I dig is the opening paragraph: this is world of a first year surgeon, and then Main Character & premise in bold fonts.

https://script-pdf.s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/greys-anatomy-pitch-tv-scr...

Christopher Phillips Thank You. Originally it was logline. Then just like you stated, 3 act structure. I guess it's tough trying to provide so much backstory as I tell present and future.

Like I said, I don't envision the mother and daughter coming back into the fray until season 2 when the new park is looking successful. The first half page will be strictly background info, which I've read to concentrate on present and pushing story forward.

I'll get at it!

Dan MaxXx Thats a great pitch. It looks similar to my longer show bible. 4 pages of character introductions. I'd wonder how anyone would ever take that pitch and get it down to a page or two...

If people asked for 10 page pitches, I'd have no problem providing the information. Thanks for joining in!

Dan MaxXx I loved this part of the document, Dan.

TONE: Dramedy. Smart characters, smart dialogue. I want this show to be funny and

edgy even though we are dealing with illness and death, even though we are dealing with

emotional issues. I don’t believe in melodrama and I don’t believe in EARNEST SAPPY

MOMENTS.

That really resonated with me.

I like your pitch, Adam Brandt. It’s entertaining and you did a great job describing the characters, story, and obstacles. Here are some suggestions:

#1) Use the extra space at the bottom of both pages for something. That’s a lot of room. I suggest using that room to add more to your pitch.

#2) Mention the tone of the series.

#3) Add a comma after “Dixie-Mae” (1st page, 6th paragraph)

#4) On the 1st page, 6th paragraph, it says, “She took Dixie-Mae 21, after Sr. decided to buy Jr. Bitcoin for his 13th birthday.” That’s a strange reason for a mom to take her daughter from her dad. I suggest explaining that a little more.

#5) You mention that Elsa operates a dessert truck twice in the pitch (1st page, paragraphs 5 and 7).

#6) On the 2nd page, 5th paragraph, add a comma before “not expecting to stay.”

#7) Briefly talk about the future seasons at the end of the 2nd page.

#8) Maybe end the pitch with something entertaining, like you did with “Damn, queasy stomach!” on the 1st page, 4th paragraph.

"Corn-Dog Ken.” Haha

Maurice Vaughan you always come through with some of the best advice! Fixed and found a way to squeeze in a couple more paragraphs. Thanks friend!

You're welcome, Adam Brandt. Ok, great!