Screenwriting : Paralysis by Analysis by Charles V Abela

Hello! In this case "less is more" would be fitting. You provided a logline. If there's an order to things: logline, synopsis, and then comparables. Comparables, just mention the two movies that are similar, don't go into details, as it got muddy quickly. Synopsis: just hit the beats or who fights whom about what? What's the central conflict? What are the stakes involved, and what happens if the hero/protagonist doesn't win. And do not give away the ending. Jason Wicks sound too much like John Wick, so I would change the name. There's more I could write about, and for now, let's get these few things wrangled up.

Thanks Lindbergh. The Graphic is meant to act as a "Teaser” glance. The order you stated L, S and C is the one followed and written in the Treatment. The Synopsis already appears on this website. In my mind, I would have liked to see the "Comparables" catching the eye of producers (or money men) to see if there is a market, specifically if there is an interest. If a market does not exist, then it's almost futile. Taking your points, I will change the message slightly, if nothing else to render the Graphic's purpose clear(er). As far as Jason Wicks name goes, that would be quite a change, however, I will be happy to do that if there is real interest. Thanks and I do appreciate your comments. Further to your comments, the comparables have been meant to reflect the characters rather than the plots. I guess my message failed there.

Charles V Abela send an email to writerhelp@stage32.com and ask them for the sample of a written and verbal pitch and they will send them. Also, if you are a member of the writer's room - you can join a pitch practice session they have every Thursday to learn how to pitch. In addition, they are a massive number of webinars both on this platform for a fee or even free on YouTube to learn how to write a pitch, present a pitch and all the things you need to know. In addition, you probably should learn how to write logline research it. Best of luck on your journey, keep moving forward!

With last name of Wick, I thought lawyer by day, assassin by night movie.

I dont remember The Lincoln Lawyer as flamboyant or resourceful; more like sleazy conman who happens to be a lawyer. But I did see Jamie Foxx played a real lawyer, Willie E Gary, who does fly in private jets and trials big paycheck cases.

"Jet Stream Lawyer" sounds more like a reality tv series than movie. Does he own a jet or just rents 'cause full-time office in a jet is kinda goofy."

Dan MaxXx There are many Wicks, especially on candles. The truth Wicks as in John Wicks never entered my mind. Weird enough, there is not even one shot fired in the movie. You may be right on sleaze. In the script, Jason is a bit sleazy or appears to be. My main task there, was to see a different picture of Jason emerging. I think it's called character arc. And he leases the jet. It only comes through in the last piece of dialogue. Also, I agree it's not exactly real-life picture. BUT, I am a new in to this profession and I don't understand the difference between tv series and a movie. There must be a gray line. You can PM me.

Amazing Kacee Thanks for the advise. It's good advice for many, but in my case, it is an area I am trying to avoid not to get further bogged down in "Paralysis by Analysis."

Lindbergh E Hollingsworth Following on your comments, I changed the sub-head to clarify the purpose of the Graphic.

Hi Charles, first off, why is there an animal on the document? Gimicky. Delete it. It serves zero purpose for what you're doing. I feel you shouldn't use this format as you've shown. As I mentioned it's logline, synopsis, and comparables. Just mention the titles of the movies you're comparing. Simple as that. Don't go into details and reasons why it's comparable. All you do is loose the reader. This is about your story, plain and simple. Logline, Synopsis, Comparables, mention the titles of two movies. Do use the email Amazing Kacee provided. Get the info, and get your info to its highest level.

Lindbergh, thank you for your comments. And I truly do appreciate them. Hence why I changed what you clearly pointed out as being wrong. It’s always good to have opinions. I do tend to disagree on the Deer Picture, I don’t see it gimmicky.. It’s good to have something different, perhaps refreshing… not to everybody. I do like to break the rules as they are set and preached, as long as I believe I am able to get my point across in the communication. Back to your comment, “muddled,” the people I would like to reach out to are the shakers and movers, would I be so lucky, so I don’t see how they should be muddled. (People who could be following this thread may be saying “that’s exactly how you won’t reach them.” I hear you. Just another opinion.) I am not into webinars, seminars and mentoring. My past experience tells me that it’s feels great to listen and learn often from dubious performers, but I never tend to follow up on the notes, books etc. Further education does give one a short mental boost, however… Forty years ago, I spent well over $2000 attending to, listening to and collecting everything motivational, how to tools, secrets etc from Zig Ziegler (Texas). I loved his dynamism, what he said and how he said it, in the end I was always somehow too busy to follow through.

Great advice in the comments, Charles V Abela! I suggest giving away the ending though. Producers will want to know how the story ends. If you hold back on the ending, it could make some producers pass on your script. Your pitch can be two pages if you're doing a written Pitch Session. Also, there's an extra space before "tendency" in Russell's bio.

I'm just not buying the protagonist. He has no flaws, no false beliefs or conflicts. He's already conquered everything, so honestly, why should anyone care about him? He's not relatable to any audience member who needs to skip a few items from their grocery list to pay for a movie ticket for this.

You've summarised so much, it's just win win win win in every aspect.

As suave as James Bond is, he's still utterly flawed. And the name John Wicks? Is this a parody? I'm sure you can come up with a better name.

I'm honestly not trying to be cruel, but it's convoluted, out of touch, and a fever dream.

Maurice Vaughan Thanks for the comment. I do indeed hate typos or formatting errors, so I will fix pronto. The Graphic you commented on, is only meant to shine the light on the two main characters, and how they compare with those in the two referenced films. That was my ONLY objective. I learnt that a top Producer or a financier will ?know? immediately from the Comparables if there is potential… at least, whether they should spend 12 minutes going through the Treatment while on a coffee break. The Graphic that could answer the point your raised is incorporated in an email campaign. That graphic incorporates this line next to the deer’s head: “See attached file for Logline, Synopsis and Treatment.” However, what you're suggesting, is that I should incorporate "the ending" also here, irrespective. Am I correct? Happy to proceed if you say “Yes.”

Lukas Strautins Thanks. No, you're not cruel, you're saying it the way it is, exactly how you think about it. Most people quote from the books. And ultimately, that is what I am after. But I suggest you read the comment I posted to Maurice Vaughan. This is Hollywood though, fiction, exaggerations, aliens... I am sure you know. And I hate to go by the books and the rules as they are laid out. Sure, I am often wrong. I am happy to read further comments.

You're welcome, Charles V Abela. "However, what you're suggesting, is that I should incorporate "the ending" also here." If you want your pitch to be one page like it is now, I suggest replacing the leading characters section with the synopsis. If you want the pitch to be two pages (like a written pitch for a Pitch Session), I suggest adding the synopsis with the ending on the second page.

Matthew Kelcourse I agree. The Synopsis for JET STREAM LAWYER is already on this site. It's three words short of 500. After myriad write-ups on the subject of "Logline, Synopsis and Treatment," I decided to follow Shane Stanley's methodology. That will do me.

Maurice Vaughan The Synopsis is already on your site. It is a separate item. The piece in question is just a "publicity pitch," but I never intended it to be a proper pitch whatever the format. But it's worth taking your point. Still need to fix up the blank space you pointed out. Thanks again.

You're welcome, Charles V Abela. Hope you find a producer for your script!

Maurice Vaughan Good on ya, mate. Thank you. Very flexible in your thoughts. And the extra blank has disappeared.

You're welcome, Charles V Abela.