Hey everyone! After lots of labor and toil, I finally finished my fourth original script, "The Atocha Crew."
Logline: A group of kids must reach Key West to recover a mythical treasure while being pursued by two criminals after the same treasure.
It's in the comedy-drama/adventure genre and the premise is familiar, but I've put my own personal spin on it. I would greatly appreciate if you guys would rate my logline and offer any feedback.
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Congratulations on finishing your script, Celine Leon! I think your logline just needs the inciting incident and the stakes for the kids.
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I have the impression that Atocha is the name of the treasure ship. And presumably quite a few other readers will guess the same. Is that correct?
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Göran Johansson Yes, it's the name of a treasure ship! I was inspired by an actual shipwreck in the Florida Keys in the 1600s
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I like this logline! We learn about the heroe/heroes, the obstacle, and the goal! I'd say it could be improved by adding the stakes, what happens if they don't find it? Don't find it in time? What happens if The Criminals get there first and or catch them? Also, a brief description of the kids would be good. Are they misfits? A mixed bag of nerds and cool kids? Are they family? Etc. Something to give us just a glimpse at who they are so we know how that ties into the story. But great work! If you added none of these suggestions it's still interesting! I just think these could make it stronger
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Hi Celine, the longline has something of "The Goonies". Kids set out on an adventure. All the best!