Since we have earlier discussed AI for creative work...
I asked AI to improve my sales letter, for my new screenplay. There are cultural differences between my country respectively USA, so it was relevant to check if my sales letter is written in the right way.
First, this is what I wrote and asked AI to improve upon :
"
Dear Madam/Sir,
I have written a 95 pages long comedy. May I send you my screenplay?
The title is "Saved by Andromeda". A CIA operative suffers from her uncle’s demands, which can send her to life inprisonment, while a scientific discovery can heal her from the loss of her baby.
Since conspiracy theories are popular, a small side effect is that the murder of Marilyn Monroe is solved.
If the movie becomes a success, a sequel is possible.
The story is original, but I included characters which have functioned well in my earlier projects.
What makes this screenplay different? I am a scientist. So the reversals come from the scientific discovery which is alluded to in the title. Those who have read my screenplay like that a large part of the story is in the academic world, because this environment is rarely seen in movies.
Five actors, "100 hours" and a shoestring budget is enough for filming. Since I have produced 22 hours with television programs, I am used to a shortage of money.
How I learned screenwriting? I have created multiple TV mini series for public access television stations. And three comedies which are slightly more than 100 minutes long. My longest play is about four hours long.
With my background, I write in such a way that my films can be broadcast. I mean, no age limit.
Actors like how I write. I am used to people who love to participate because I make it possible to work fast.
Other filmmakers have told me that I write well. I am also well known at some theatres.
I don't participate in film contests, but a decade ago I was awarded a prize as best director.
Best,
Göran Johansson
"
Here comes what AI suggested :
"
Subject: Screenplay Submission: "Saved by Andromeda" – A Unique Comedy Experience
I hope this message finds you well. I am reaching out to share an exciting opportunity for your production company that could lead to a captivating addition to the world of film. I have completed a 95-page comedy screenplay titled "Saved by Andromeda," and I would love the chance to send it your way.
Logline: "Saved by Andromeda" follows a CIA operative grappling with her uncle's dangerous demands, which threaten her freedom, while simultaneously confronting the emotional fallout from the loss of her baby. As fate would have it, a groundbreaking scientific discovery offers her a shot at healing, and in a thrilling twist, it unveils startling truths about the murder of Marilyn Monroe against a backdrop of popular conspiracy theories.
Why This Screenplay Stands Out: In a landscape saturated with predictable plots, "Saved by Andromeda" offers a fresh perspective by intertwining comedy with a rich narrative rooted in academia and science. As a scientist with a flair for storytelling, I weave scientific principles into the fabric of the plot, creating engaging twists and reversals that will keep audiences on the edge of their seats. The academic setting is often overlooked in film, providing a unique backdrop that enriches the viewing experience.
Production Feasibility: The screenplay has been crafted with practical production in mind. It requires just five talented actors, approximately 100 hours of filming, and can be achieved on a modest budget. Having produced 22 hours of content for television, I understand the challenges of working within budget constraints, and I am confident in the film's viability.
Background: My experience includes creating multiple TV mini-series and comedies that run slightly over 100 minutes. My longest play spans four hours, demonstrating my ability to develop engaging narratives. Known for my audience-friendly writing, I ensure that my films can appeal to viewers of all ages, facilitating a quick and enjoyable shoot with actors who appreciate the collaborative environment I foster.
Recognition: While I do not frequently enter film contests, I was honored as the Best Director a decade ago, which speaks to my storytelling capabilities. Additionally, I have received positive feedback from fellow filmmakers and am well-regarded in local theatre circles.
I believe "Saved by Andromeda" has the potential not only to resonate with audiences but also to pave the way for a sequel, should it achieve success.
If this piques your interest, I would be thrilled to send you the full screenplay for your consideration. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to the possibility of collaborating with your team to bring this unique story to life.
Warm regards,
"
What do you recommend?
добавьте частичку себя в текст 2 и это будет потрясающе
I think I understand what you mean, but if fear that hyperbole may backfire. Or do i misunderstand you?
If you're only looking to sell a screenplay and not establish relationships, whichever you like more. If you're looking to establish relationships with the people you query, think of it this way: do you want computer AI reading your query to decide pass, consider, or recommend?
If you want a human reading your letter, there's your answer, IMO. Write on!
Do i misunderstand?
I wrote a sales letter in the way one would write it in my native country. But what works in sales, that differs between different countries. So I asked AI for help. And AI suggested something which differed so much from what I had written that it was not clear for me if I should accept the suggestion. So I decided to ask.
Selling or establishing a relationship? I have a list with companies which appear to accept screenplays from us who have no literary agent. Largely very small film companies. So if they buy my screenplay, it may easily take years before they know if they want to buy any more screenplay from me.
And if I fail to sell, I can film it myself.
AI reading my query? Well, AI reading my screenplay would probably conclude that filming would be easy since there are so few characters and locations.
Göran Johansson In the US it's called a "Query Letter" (even if an electronic transmission apparently). I have found that US companies that accept unsolicited query letters often triage via logline submission, and then will either ignore you completely, or potentially respond to your communication seeking more information and/or your script(s). Re: your logline it could use some slimming down and clarification, e.g. Grieving from the loss of her baby a CIA officer must also grapple with her uncle's dangerous demands which would return her to a hazardous post... The latter part of the logline is a little confusing, re: the healing (mental or physical?) and the "scientific discovery" and Marilyn Monroe.
Sure, I am myself not completely satisfied with my logline, so I will think about it. Any more suggestion?
I would say streamline the logline as much as possible and save the other detail for a synopsis. From what I have seen of you posting about this particular script previously the hook, or draw for potential readers is the fraught/dangerous relationship between Gunpowder and his niece (who is his protege?). The baby loss is obviously important as a driver for her actions.
Apologies for the misunderstanding, Göran Johansson - my post was meant as a comment on choosing/using AI or not. I believe I'm the one who misunderstood. Cheers :-)
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Yes Mike, the toxic relationship between Pauline and Uncle Gunpowder is vital. In act 3, Pauline shows that she has realized what is wrong. So she points her handgun at him, and humiliates him. He reacts by committing suicide in such a way that he in practice confesses that he murdered her daughter.
Mathew, yes, I know that AI is highly problematical to use. Check all answers by asking a human.
OK, I have to do something. Because I have the impression that my posting "started in the wrong end".
To begin with, what can safely be deleted? Can I delete :
Since conspiracy theories are popular, a small side effect is that the murder of Marilyn Monroe is solved.
If the movie becomes a success, a sequel is possible.
The story is original, but I included characters which have functioned well in my earlier projects.