Screenwriting : Help with editing script by Beatrice Wong

Hi, Beatrice Wong. I think it'd be more impactful if you show her gradual descent into despair and madness in scenes throughout the script than a montage. Montages are usually short, so there isn't a lot of time for readers to get invested in them like with regular scenes.

Go with your gut and artistic motivation. A montage sounds fine.

Sounds like this is more of an abrupt moment at the end of the gradual descent, since you mention the character having a panic attack. I think you could write a scene about the panic he is feeling or use a Series Of Shots rather than a Montage to really get that sense of panic across to the viewer/reader.

Thanks, guys, for all your feedback. Nathan Smith if I were to use a Series of Shots, how would I incorporate it into the script? I want it to be like those scenes in films where it's just short action shots with no dialogue but the audience can understand what the character is going through.

Here is an example of how to use Series of Shots:

SERIES OF SHOTS - JOHN HAS A PANIC ATTACK

A) John paces back and forth rapidly, biting in nails.

B) John screams at his reflection in the mirror.

C) John stands on the rooftop of the apartment, looking over the edge.

Thanks for that clear cut explanation, Nathan Smith! I want to show a gradual descent into madness, so it isn't a short period of time but over a few years and show character change.

Ah I see, yes if it's meant to be something that happens over an extended period of time then a montage would be what you want to use.

Thanks so much for the feedback, guys! It's much appreciated.

You're welcome, Beatrice Wong.

A montage is a terrible way to go, especially if you're seeking an emotional or plot climax and any authentic connection to what your character is experiencing.

There are so many reasons why a montage would not serve you well, but think about what your are proposing...a long descent into madness in just a few seconds. Whatever is happening in that montage would have to be an afterthought for the viewer compared to whatever came before and whatever is about to come after.

Hmm... Peter Jackson successfully used a montage showing Gollum's descent into madness. It worked because we already know the fate of Gollum. So yes, a montage could work if the descent is already in progress through previous distressful emotional events. But I agree with Neal, it would not have the impact if it's used to expedite the descent in a few cutscenes.

I’m on the fence about a montage cos it really all depends if “seeds” or “hints” were laid about his emotional state from the start. I don’t mean spell his condition out but give enough plausible clues for audience to think “looking back makes perfect sense.”. If the montage is sudden, out of the blue & not related audiences can be confused. I’ve seen mistakes a few times & felt as though an entirely separate story was cut & pasted into another film. Also to consider before doing a montage:- Is it with or without sound track, how much time is condensed into sequence & how many locations? Well crafted & strategically placed for maximum impact it will aid film but there are many variables to consider. Occasionally very little dialogue can help EG In this particular case perhaps a word that the character hears in their own head during descent into despair. Another idea is repetition of unspoken symbols in each shot that tie in whole theme.

Thank you very much, everybody, for all your feedback and guidance. It has been beneficial!

Hi, B!! Look up the film or script of "Four Brothers" There is a perfect montage of the four brothers being interrogated by the police inside the police station in separate rooms. Why don't you DM me the scene? I'll take a pop at it for you.

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Here's a simple montage of a guy having a panic attack over his illness being exposed.

Dimly lit by the flickering glow of a desk lamp. The hum of a laptop fills the air. JAMES (30s), lean, restless, sits hunched at his desk, staring at an email notification on his LAPTOP SCREEN: "Your Medical History has been accessed." -

-James’s pupils dilate.

- his breathing quickens.

-His hands clench the sides of the desk, trembling.

-The text on the screen distorts, the words "medical history" twist into "EXPOSED."

I hope this helps. Cheers! Happy Thanksgiving!

Thanks so much for your example, DD Myles! I will send you a draft of my script. Hopefully, you can see what I'm trying to achieve in the script.

All the Rocky & Creed movies have awesome montages before the big fight/last act. Lots of emotions from sweating & lifting weights! GL!

You can always hire a writer to polish or rewrite the script.

E Langley That's great to know! Thank you so much for telling me.