Screenwriting : Horror feature - First 53 pages to 105 - Feedback by Caglar Akdag

Sounds interesting, especially the down to Earth family angle.

A slight tweak, stating the biggest stakes last:

Thanks Michael. You are absolutely right.

Welcome to the community, Caglar Akdag. Here's a blog I suggest checking out. It'll help you navigate Stage 32 and make connections: www.stage32.com/blog/how-to-successfully-navigate-the-stage-32-platform-...

I like Michael's logline tweak. The only thing I would change is switch out Frank's name for "_______ (his flaw that the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes his personality) _______ (his position/job/career)." Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE).

Stage 32 also has feedback services (www.stage32.com/scriptservices).

You could post your script on your profile for feedback. And producers search profiles on here for projects. Click the gear symbol in the top right-hand corner and select “Edit profile” in the drop-down menu. Scroll down to “Loglines” and click “Add/edit loglines” to the right of “Loglines.” You can also post your script on your profile this way (near the top where it says “Add a Logline”): www.stage32.com/loglines

Thanks Maurice. I read your recommendations carefully. I am a new member so I will need some time to use the platform effectively.

You're welcome, Caglar Akdag. If you ever have questions about Stage 32, let me or another Lounge Moderator know (we have badges on our pictures). Or email support@stage32.com.

"When Frank Hamilton, a vintage book dealer struggling with the sinister visions, encounters a cursed book that uncovers the town's dark past, he must team up with an extraordinary nun and protect his family while stopping Satan's plan to rule the world."

I would take out the name, Caglar Akdag. And I forgot to say this in my other comment. Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something.

When a vintage book dealer struggling with sinister visions encounters a cursed book that uncovers the town's dark past, he teams up with an extraordinary nun to protect his family while stopping Satan's plan to rule the world.

Great, I'll definitely use this. Thanks Stage32.

You're welcome, Caglar Akdag.