Screenwriting : Guidance please by Marie Hatten

Hi Marie this is an interesting premise and while the parallel narrative can work, is there a more 'solid' link happening between the two or are the being kept completely separate? By solid I mean something to connect the two other than just a theme - not essential but an audience needs to be clear why the two are taking place and how or if the resolution of one narrative will impact the other....hope this makes sense, just some initial thoughts....

I would start by deciding which scenes you would like to stitch together that take us from Story A to Story B. What are the natural transitions that can advance the overall plot of the movie even between the two timelines. A good example of this would be AN AMERICAN HAUNTING, I suggest giving it a watch as it bounces between timelines of two families experiencing the same kind of supernatural events.

What a story! I'm very sorry - I write family and animation so this is not my genre but I do appreciate the concept and idea. Well done.

My suggestion is to tweak your logline until it hits hard. Can post it here if you like.

A trusting woman moves in with a passionate lover who is abused to death in his past life and she must get him to change, or share his gruesome evolutionary fate.

sounds intriguing & workable. ? genre: fantasy can allow imagination to be fostered as you progress & a female voice can offer a certain emotional depth. am also Australian & have just now joined this forum. also put out a pitch here. feedback from competitions, while expensive, can provide invaluable feedback all the best - from Byron town.

Your script sounds interesting, Marie Hatten! I agree with what everyone said in the comments. I suggest watching Yellowjackets.

Hey Clifton Stewart thank you so much for your response and it absolutely makes sense. The dual narratives are interconnected.. The B story female protagonist aids the A story protagonist in realizing that she's being abused and even plays a part in the ending.

Nathan Smith brilliant thank you I'll give that a watch.

Thanks so much Lauren Hackney , really appreciate that.

Hey Wal Friman I've only briefly attempted writing a log line. It's proving quite difficult to summarize so succinctly maybe being low concept/ maybe I don't fully grasp it yet?

Melody Lemond hey fellow aussie! Thank you , are you working on something right now?

Thanks so much Maurice Vaughan , a friend actually recommended Yellowjackets to me too.

You're welcome, Marie Hatten. I'm on season 3 of Yellowjackets. It's incredible!

The concept sounds powerful. Maybe try writing a simple one-page outline for each timeline to help you see the structure more clearly. Wishing you clarity as you move forward!

Regards to non linear tandem/parallel narrative with two separate action, relationship & time lines I’d suggest a go to book Linda Aronson The 21st Century Screenplay latest edition. (Mines over 10 years old, maybe another.) There is no one golden rule fits all in how to proceed with the above but the whole process is de mystified. Done live masterclasses too. Linda also puts out free material sometimes on line. I’ve a tandem parallel narrative same time zone following two protagonists. Another story is both a current plus a historical one. Keeping relationship, action & time lines tight/coherent & knowing when to overlap/juxtapose stories are key. Emotional beats add towards each section end & place reveals for maximum impact but know when to hold back to create mystery. Reader just has to know more. Also the main plot thread must tether the whole content. (Unless Anthology, Rashomon Effect, Unconnected Etc.) Micro subplots woven in with the Macro plots can help to glue the content & provide pathways of connection. However I never ever use sheer coincidence to bring either characters together or to join/allow plot points.

Thanks so much Nad Oria appreciate that.

Thanks Debbie Croysdale . I'm yet to write a logline/ outline/ even character bios so might flesh it all out more first.

I’m terribly sorry I can’t help you unless you have a logline, outline and script for me to read and critique. I can’t really pinpoint where you’re having trouble unless I read the script. My suggestion to you is hire a a really great legitimate script coach and have trustworthy screenwriter buddies to read it out loud along with you.