What’s the difference between the following sentences?
“He sits, drinking coffee.”
vs.
“He sits on a chair at the far end of the restaurant, facing a blank wall, slowly sipping a black coffee.”
“He gets very angry after receiving an email rejecting his script.”
vs.
“He slams the computer screen repeatedly until it goes dead. His hand then drops calmly onto the keyboard—blood seeping between the keys.”
“He feels afraid.”
vs.
“His eyes remain locked on the curtain as it moves. His mouth hangs open. A slight tremor shakes his head.”
“He wears a coat and a hat.”
vs.
“He wears a gray coat, a gray hat, a white shirt, black pants, and brown shoes.”
The difference between the first and second sentence in each example is the power.
The second sentence is always stronger in terms of imagination and execution.
It delivers a visual translation of what’s happening
This is crucial for:
the actor
the director
the production designer
It defines how the scene will be shot.
And once we know how we’re shooting the scene, we already have the foundation of a strong film and a good screen.
These small details determine how the script reader sees you:
a professional writer—or a weak one.
If you write in a scene:
“They sit, smoking cigarettes.”
→ this says nothing.
But if you write:
“They sit facing each other.
The first character smokes a fine Cuban cigar.
The second smokes a plain white L&M cigarette.”
→ this says everything.
So always try—whenever possible—to write the second sentence,
by rewriting the first.
Rewrite.
Rewrite.
Rewrite.
2 people like this
I used to "tell, not show" a lot, A.J .Abd El-Rahman El-Janainy.
Example:
I used to write "She's scared."
Now, I write something like "Her heart bangs against her chest."
2 people like this
Maurice Vaughan Now You are telling me something , that i can imagine it and hear it too plus feeling it as if it inside my chest
2 people like this
I'm rewriting some of my older scripts, A.J .Abd El-Rahman El-Janainy, making the action lines stronger. That includes "showing, not telling."
4 people like this
He sits alone in a faded yellow booth at the back of the restaurant, staring into a mug of coffee, watching his reflection dance off the steaming brown liquid.
3 people like this
Sean Rodman You Smashed it
Now you've truly told me how he feels, you've shown me the faded colors of the scene and imposed certain strong frames on me, and you've also dictated the rhythm of the scene. Keep it like this always.