Screenwriting : Curious to hear your thoughts on this logline. by Deborah Bete

And one of them is a psychopath?

David Taylor No psychopaths. Just two people slowly dropping their masks.

Interesting premise. I like the intimacy of the setup. One thought might be whether there’s a clearer sense of what brings them together and what the stakes are for each of them as the masks come off. That could help sharpen the hook while keeping the character-driven focus.

Here are just two examples. You have a great start, but you definitely don't want to be vague when you're writing a logline. You also want to always have a hook and a ticking bomb, (stake).

1.) When a movie star fleeing a public scandal crosses paths with a French woman harboring secrets of her own, they’re spontaneous afternoon together in New York becomes a reckoning with the identities they’ve been pretending to live.

2.) A world, famous movie star and a guarded French businesswoman formed and unexpected bond over one afternoon in New York City, forcing them to confront the truth they spent years hiding behind crafted personas.

I hope this example. helps.

One problem with your logline is that the characters appear not to do anything, only talk. And it is hard to guess if the story will have a happy end or an unhappy end.

Lots of times as screenwriters, we often hear "write what you know". In addition, there's also a fear of taking risks. But what I've learned is, screenwriting requires research and when a writer takes a bold risk with the storytelling, there must be a level of painstakingly going deeper into the realm of life to dig out who a character is which takes time and working out problems and solutions the exact way we do a math problem.

Brett Wickman thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. The project is intentionally a two-hander built around conversation and character rather than plot mechanics, so the hook sits more in the emotional tension between them than in external stakes.

Mone't Weeks thank you for the examples, I appreciate you taking the time. The film is intentionally written as a quiet two-hander, closer to a contemplative character piece than a plot-driven story, which probably makes the logline read a bit differently from the usual formula.

Göran Johansson you’re right that the characters mostly talk, that’s actually the core of the film. It’s a dialogue-driven two-hander where the tension comes from what they reveal about themselves over the course of the afternoon.

Bram Christian thank you for that thoughtful comment. The film is very much built around that idea of digging into who the characters really are behind the personas they present.