Screenwriting : How to Convey a Concept by Scott Clarke

Use paragraphs. It will be very difficult for you to properly present your concept because you are not a writer. Writing is difficult and writing in a way that inspires others is even more difficult. But if you simply remember back to your school days and break up your solid block of text into paragraphs and remember sentence structure that will go a long way to presenting something readable.

Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, it's difficult to put down in a message what's in your head if you lack the knowledge of readable formats or industry norms. I was actually attempting to keep it short and what I hoped was succinct (failed obviously) School was a fair while ago and I recall getting expelled for being a smart arse in class and a general disruption to other students but I take your point entirely. I'll give it another go and maybe flesh it out a little as opposed to the abridged version. Once I have done that I'll put out a message asking for volunteers to put themselves in harms way. Thanks again.

I know when I started I took online classes to help me with the basics, and that really helped. Look at Writer's University for short and long-term classes. Also The Writer's Store will alert you to classes also. Just as a suggestion, if you are not using software such as Scrivener or Final Draft or Movie Magic, use the font Courier New on your computer. (Its' the font that any script usually gets formatted into when you are ending your finished pieces off to be seen. Hope this helps!

I'm not talking about industry norms. I'm suggesting you write your concept as if you are writing a story or an essay. If all you had done was break it up into paragraphs I could have easily read it. Even if you changed nothing at all - just separate the block of text into paragraphs.

I think what the writer was looking for was a simple logline... the essence of the story in about 25 words. Just the concept, not the details.

Trade you - Take a look at my loglines and synopsis for either one of my scripts and Ill take a look at your rambling movie idea and see if I can sort it out.

Scott buy a program called Final Draft, it does most of the formatting for you. I never studied screenwriting but taught myself with this and some webinars, I have received feedback 60 % in favour. I need improving but it is a start and can be for you too.

I'd follow what D. Marcus suggested for just an idea summary. Make each paragraph have no more than 4-5 lines on a page before you give it an extra line break. That will make it easier on the eyes because it's easier to keep track of where you're at in the document. Check out how people setup articles on Wikipedia, for example. Sometimes they go over 5 lines, but I think you'll get the overall idea. Perhaps each scene or sequence idea is one paragraph, something like that. Hope that helps!

I have had a website for new writers at www.scriptnurse.com where we give out tons of free advice to anyone who wants it. Maybe one of the members would like to take on the idea. Register in the forum to do that.

Scott - First off, don't worry too much about early screw-ups - we all do it and doing so helps us learn. After a table read of the first 10-pages of my very first feature-length screenplay, titled, THE TREE, one screenwriter asked, "Does it have to be a tree?". I have yet to figure out how that question/comment was supposed to help improve my screenplay, though I did come to realize that as it stood, THE TREE was pretty bad. CUT TO SCOTT: Final Draft can help in many ways but before you buy it, download it and fire it up with FADE IN:, pare your concept down to logline length, answering the question: what is your movie about? And I mean cut out everything that distracts and only include what moves the story/concept forward in a compelling way. For instance: Teenage lovers, Ben and Mary are fishing Bullfrog Creek when they hook a decayed corpse - Mary's abusive stepfather. I'm not claiming it is great but it cuts to the main theme and sets up future conflicts, and may prompt a reader, producer, etc., to want to read more. It also forces you to be clear about what your story is really about - beginning, middle and end. Now, with your permission, I need to get back to my own screw-ups. Good luck. Bill

If you aren't a writer but it sounds like you have that creative streak - try storyboarding - visual moments that connect together to tell a story.

Scott, Lots of great advice. Here is my two cents worth. In one sentence describe your idea (logline). Following that write three short paragraphs (beginning, middle, end). Then you have a simple basic outline.

Every one has given great advice, so Scott I hope to see your movie soon....don't give up. Take rejections as a reason to try harder.

Hi Toni, tremendous advice, thank you very much.

Thank you, William, I will do the necessary research on loglines. I appreciate your advice.

Hi Alle, you've summed me up pretty well. My undiagnosed ADHD (all my kids have it) means the creative mind space is a jumble at the best of times with a layer of fog over the top. I find it much easier to talk about my idea than write it down and I would welcome the opportunity to bounce my idea off you.

Hi Kathy, thank you very much for your valuable suggestions. To a non-writer, format guidelines like this are tremendous.

Hi Anthony, thank you very much for your offer. I have been overwhelmed by the very helpful comments to my post and I am sure I will be able to turn what I now have into something more user-friendly. Looking forward to seeing your loglines!

Hi Marilyn, thank you very much for the tip and congratulations on your feedback!

Thank you, Kindari, for your sensible advice.

Hi Don, thank you very much for this information. What a good idea!

Hi Bill, permission granted and thank you very much for your informative and helpful comment!

Hi Lynne, great idea. I storyboard or at least visualize scenes in my mind so this would seem a logical way for me to move forward.

Hey Scott. You can send your script to our business "www.perfectedprose.com.". Check out the website and if you'd like, send your script to my work email... E.Thomas@perfectedprose.com

Hi Landon, thank you very much for your advice. I will work on a logline and post it.

Hi Marilyn, I feel overwhelmed and pumped!

Logline (first draft): In a future world the only vacations senior executives can hope for are astro-projection vacations into "holiday rental" bodies. While Dan Barrett is out of his mind having the time of his life, someone is using his body for murder.

Sounds good I would watch it... has a bit of the Island to it which was a interesting concept too.

Just create a Concept and/or treatment or synopsis. Lots of examples of how to set it up on the Internet. If your idea is of interest to any screenwriter they will in fact take anything you can give them and make it work. As a newbie it's hard to get certain people to even look at your work. Especially well established writers. Maybe find a newbie screenwriter? However If the idea is really good almost anyone will want the chance to write it because they feel it will be sellable. As a newbie don't get caught up with paying a screenwriter up front. Just my advise and honestly I'm a newbie as well. My advise comes from what was told to me by others in the industry and seems to be working well. Last thing I did was just registered a concept and I now have 3 screenwriters wanting in. So keep that in mind. Good luck with everything!

Thank you Marilyn! I have to admit I have not seen The Island and I hope this is not too similar.

Thank you, Scott. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment and for your sensible advice.

Some producers may say that but if you look at the movies out there, almost all of them have similar stories. That is why I like fantasy, you can create unknown stories. Take for example Desperate Housewifes and Devious maids, the stories are very close. Star Crossed and Roswell. Almost every thriller is very similar,every spiderman basically the hero has to fight a bad man. So given this if you believe in your story then don't give up on it.

Scott, that is so much better than what you sent me. I like this concept. Mostly because I can actually understand it. I'm sure this concept is somewhere in what you called "my ramblings" but I could find it but I had a difficult finding it.

Scott, I am open to writing someones screenplay but I would have to get paid (like 500 dollars a month), with the right software you can write it yourself. Don't pay a screenwriter to do it, do it yourself and rather get someone later to proof read and help you fix up the script. I entered Blue Cat Screenplay competition and they do a assessment of your script for a bit extra, they really assessed mine and brought up things I also throught were not working. My biggest problem was my characters needed voice, so rather do that it takes longer but in the end you know the story will be yours. Otherwise you can paste it as a non paying gig on the international screenwriters website and try see if you will get any writer willing to help freely, maybe with a share in credits when it is made.

Just FYI Scott, when I read your concept it reminded me of the original 'Total recall' with Arnold Schwarznegger - only the bit about astral projection vacations, although the 'Total recall' was done by wearing a helmet thing, and the vacations were all in the mind of the client. BUT... you go the writing of the logline down really well! Well done! I find loglines hard to write.

Thank you very much Toni!

Thank you, D Marcus, I appreciate it.

I know what you mean Toni, a friend said the same thing. I thought I kept it unique by having something happen to his body while he is out of it. Identity theft on a grand scale, so to speak.

I have written a 1 page overview in 3 acts following closely what Kathy suggested. I know it's not perfect and tends towards the ramble but it's not too bad. Any feedback to it would be greatly appreciated!

it might be helpful if you concentrate first on what happens in the story and stop worrying about what any of it means When I write I think plot and meaning and everything else ends up coming along for the ride on its own.

Great advice, Tabitha!

So send me what you have written or post it and we can all give you some feedback.

Act I Dan Barrett is a highly paid futures trader living in a futuristic world. He is a good looking much admired ladies’ man, a bon vivant and general mover and shaker. He has expensive tastes, is unattached and is dedicated to his work. In this world there is no work/life balance for senior executives as they work 6 or 7 days a week, occasionally partying after work but certainly do not take vacations. Too many days away from their work can mean the difference between success and failure and in a world where there are critical population levels and no social security, success is life itself. In the early scenes we see Dan taking a call, the news is not good but we are unaware what the call is about. Act II Dan has changed, he is spending less time making big deals and more time daydreaming. He finds an online advert for Astro-Vacations – a form of vacation where through enhanced principles of astro projection he can have the best of both worlds i.e. enjoying a vacation in a “rental body” with a high level of his consciousness while his body and a lower level of consciousness continue to work. He encourages George Finlay, his close friend with independent wealth who doesn’t work, to come with him on a weekend trial which goes very well; the two using rental bodies in Pamplona to run with the bulls though not without a few dents and scratches to the "rentals". On returning Dan is confronted by a beautiful female who is convinced she and Dan have shared intimate moments. Dan and George decide to embark on a week-long astro vacation, projecting from location to location. The vacation is a blast but on returning to full consciousness in his body he finds strange objects in his pockets and has scratches to his neck and arms. His videomail has a message from the mystery female asking where he is and giving him her address, again. In the background Dan can see a person walking towards her but it is not until she ends the call that the stranger comes fully into focus. Dan is shocked to see that it is himself. He makes his way to the address given only to see a cordon of police and her body being removed. He rushes over to George’s only to see a similar scene. The Astro-vacation company appears to have gone out of business and all evidence of an alibi disappears. He begins to receive sinister text messages with the final one being, “you killed a girl, let’s meet”. Act III Dan meets his adversary who is a younger underwhelming junior from Dan’s office who turns out to have substantial inherited wealth and who owned the Astro-Vacation business. When Dan projected out of his body, he projected into it. He offers Dan a deal; they can swap total consciousness permanently, or Dan will be arrested, tried and sentenced for the murder of the girl. With all the evidence against Dan he has little choice. The swap is made using projection beds and Dan now in the junior’s body uses the junior’s phone to call the police. The junior is relaxed and says he has already set up a bribe in the lab where the evidence is being processed. Dan informs the junior that he may buy his way out of jail but not the grave as Dan had earlier received results from a biopsy and that he has terminal cancer of an aggressive form. The junior is arrested though is now freaking out and needs to be tazed and sedated. Dan quickly makes his way to the bank, confirms his identity as the rich junior through retina scan then transfers the money into new accounts. While doing this he has a test-flirt with the female teller which she responds favourably to. He then calls the office and resigns as the office junior ready to begin his new life with a clean bill of health. Thanks for reading. I also have an alternate ending.

This ending seems a bit too neatly tied up, maybe can I see the alternate ending?

You may want to watch "Surrogates" (2009 ) before starting your story.

Hi Florian and Marilyn, the alternate ending picks up after the total consciousness change is complete and Dan has called the police. While waiting for the police Dan informs the junior that he may be able to buy his way out of jail but he won't be so lucky buying his way out of the grave. The junior replies, "oh, the cancer, you mean? How else would I have gotten you to go on these vacations in the first place?" Horrified, Dan realizes that this was all part of the plan. He is however grateful that he will at least not have to face the murder charges and wishes the junior all the best getting off the charges. The junior casually tells him that the scratches on Dan's neck and arms were his own work and that while in Dan's body he only seduced the woman. As the police sirens close, Dan comes to the realization that the junior killed her while in his own body, the body Dan is now in and all the evidence will point to that. As the police arrive and arrest a bewildered Dan, the junior pulls out Dan's phone, calls the office and quits then walks off whistling.

Hi Florian, I had thought to have three degrees of consciousness low, high and total. Once total consciousness is achieved in a body you have effectively become that body or at least that's how it works in the world of Dan Barrett. Needless to say we would need to rely on the audience's willingness to suspend disbelief.

Hi Anthony, just had a quick look what Wikipedia says about Surrogates and totally see what you mean. Would that be enough to sink my story do you think or should I just be wary of it and write away from it as much as I can?

Very good point, Kathy!

Your story may be similar but if you can make your characters memorable, put a unique spin on it and show something that Surrogates missed, then it can work. The first step is actually watching the movie and noting the similarities and differences between your screenplay and the movie, then seeing what you can do that will make your story something that is all your own. The two screenplays that I have loglines listed on this site are classic story lines that have been told a hundred times but my characters are have their own style and personalities, my settings are not overly used and I have twists that make my versions unique. These were the words from some of the professional feedback that I have received. You can do the same. Its issues like these that bring out the true writer in you.

Whenever I find it difficult to convey a concept I try to condense it into one sentence. Just a single sentence that encapsulates the overarching idea. Even if you can't do it, the exercise should give you a valuable shorthand for your story. And once I have that shorthand. I try to elaborate on it. It is like writing poetry, trying to express the largest ideas in a compact form. If you start with a simple sentence that really touches upon the central theme/concept/struggle, you can then broaden the scope and fill in the blanks.

Thank you all so much for sharing your wonderful comments, thoughts, experiences and feedback. This is my first attempt at putting a concept together rather than just random thoughts. I am certain that whatever the result, I will thoroughly enjoy the experience.

I would try this ... pretend you're sitting with a friend and he says, "Tell me about your movie idea." You say something like, "It's a movie about ..." and you l;ay it all out. As you do that, type it out, just how you'd say it. Any time things change, start a new paragraph. New location, new character, new twist in the story ... start a ew paragraph. See how that works.

So you're saying over and over that if someone does not have the talent they can't be a writer? No one can learn to write? No one can learn to create stories?

If you have the story and passion to see it come to life, yes, you can learn to write! One way, read great books. The other way is to subscribe to "Writers Digest".

This exorcise is not new but This is how I've been working on my current script to help get the story. I am writing character synopsis/analysis in at least three pages per character. How do you do this. Write what you know about your character in detail. of course you are creating his/her make up and background but that is the challenge and fun of writing. It's such an open door to start so you can get creative. Where was the character born and where they raised there, home life, Happy, sad, rich parents, poor. Trouble maker as kid. All these questions and more need to be laid out to get into the interior of your character. Do the same for the story and the goals and challenges and you will have more answers coming at you. Then you can start writing with a purpose and a road map. When you get stuck (blocked) do the same thing again on your situation, again you will get the answer. Good luck!

Be respectful of their time. Be brief. Start with a logline: a tight, one- or two-line summary of the idea and characters (check out movie descriptions on your cable TV menu). Then write a brief (no more than two pages) synopsis of the story, starting with the protagonist and the circumstances. There are many resources online to get examples of both the logline and synopsis. If you have trouble with the logline, then it's time to refine your story idea until it can be succinctly stated. Here is one logline example: MOONSTRUCK - A bookkeeper from Brooklyn finds herself in a difficult situation when she falls for the brother of the man she agreed to marry. Hope this helps! Good luck!

HI Scott. In the book writing world we have something called the elevator pitch. Short enough to spark interest and make them ask for more. If I were to solicit material I would want that pitch as a bare minimum—plus—I'd like to know your protagonist; personality, driving force, the who, what, when and where of that persons presence in the story. If you have an idea for a film, you must know your main character, the setting location, the time period, and the driving force behind the story. Here is my pitch for my book: THE THIRTY-NINTH MAN – On December 26, 1862, at 10:00 in the morning, a man named William Duly cut a single rope and 38-Dakota Indians fell into eternity. President Abraham Lincoln made sure the 39th noose was unoccupied. When the listeners interest is stirred, be ready to answer questions directly and to the point. Nobody wants to hear a convoluted explanation of how you would make the story unfold. Your answers need to draw them into asking for more information. We all make the same mistake of trying to explain the story in detail. It is much better to reference snippets and create a curious response from you listener. Much easier said than done.

Dear Scott; I would like to properly know regarding that concept of you, but ... Observe the idea and see that within the same must exist: Setup, confrontation and resolution. Of course, important is the climax in each and the "big climax" in the concept in general. Write in one page the all history. Also in 4 pages write it in the same story. Make a resume or background of each character. Write the story. Rewrite the story. Then type a logline and confront the story from the initial idea to the final result. Must match the ideas. I think writing a novel or screenplay is rather something that is learned in the process. It is true that there are different "techniques" or methods, but it is really just that: WRITE images, actions. I wish you the best of luck and hope we have contact, regards Ivan

Send it to me and I'll have a look and see what I think you are trying to say. I would advise breaking it up into four or five line paragraphs. mike: touchwoodpicturesltd@hotmail.com

I would suggest getting a NDA (Non-Disclosure Agreement) before you continue sending your idea to anyone; #copyright #trademark

Great advice, Donna. How do you get that any way?