Hi. I'm Ashley and I finished my first draft of my short film "One Too Many" about drug abuse. It's about a high school girl who loses her older brother also in high school to drug abuse. It's a short film about 12 pages. I want to make it powerful and I need help doing that. I didn't write much action in the script because I want the actor to feel it themselves and not be told how to do it from reading what it says to do. (If that makes sense). I'm also directing it. Also I didn't show drug abuse in the film because I don't' want to have kids learn how to use drugs from my film. ( I know its done on tv/film but I don't want to teach that). I wanted to know if anyone would be interested in reading it and giving me advice on what to make it stronger?
Screenwriting : Need help improving my short film by Ashley Jacoby
Need help improving my short film
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If you still want a reader, I wouldn't mind taking a look. It sounds interesting. You can message me if you'd like.
Yes I will send it to both of you. The more opinions the better. This is going to be used on a website I am creating for mental health awareness. Mental illnesses and drug abuse go hand in hand.
Yeah I can give some advice. christopherbinder@hotmail.com
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What I meant by that is that I wanted to work with the actor on that. Since I will be directing it I am going to work close with the actors. I know exactly how they should feel but only they can bring it life. I want them to be their actors. Anyone can play someone else, but really show casing that persons personality is so hard to do now a days. I want the actor to build this character from scratch with my help. I don't want the actors to get it in their head how they should act. I want them to feel it with in from how they would.
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I can help let me know.
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i'd like to read it
Hi Ashley, Be careful thinking you can direct the story back into the script. Dialogue is not the most powerful tool so writing the entire screenplay as dialogue driven sounds very talky and theatrical. I'd suggest writing a screenplay that would be brilliant regardless of who directed it.
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Ashley... Keep going! You have a beautiful title: "One too many". Push yourself little bit more and... when you want to go and get to any place, first ask yourself what that place or site where you want to reach. You have to see it, feel it, live it. Then discover where you are and between these two points: starting and destination use all your imagination to link these points with all your passion. As mentioned Alle Segretti: Do not tell, SHOW! Show off your passion and vision, the art in you and visualize the characters and dialogues and make a deep history. If you want to write a script of 40 pages, as do 100 and then polished with every confidence that it will have the best result! Good luck. Greetings. Ivan
Yeah I think I more or less drilled that into her head guys.
write the action