The all-mighty logline. In a screenplay I have just wrapped up, the story is told from three very distinct points of view. In order to show that this is a story told from different perspectives, I mention all three components in the logline. At times I like it, at others it feels disorganized. If anyone has any insight/criticism I would love to hear it!
James, it might help if you put up the logline.
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Haha, yeah I suppose that would be useful. Logline: An obsessed detective goes head-to-head against a high-powered human trafficking ring - that has recently abducted a young girl - and ends up on a collision course with his vigilante ex-partner.
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Your logline isn't disorganized at all. It's actually well-constructed. Good job :)
I value neutral opinion, thanks for taking a look Monique and getting back to me.
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It's not bad at all, but a bit overwritten. How about - When an impassioned Detective tries to bring down a high powered human trafficking ring and rescue its latest young captive, he finds himself on a collision course with his vigilante ex-partner.
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You see, I do like that it reads as one flowing thought as opposed to feeling chopped up. That's a nice change Danny, thanks for the input.
I'd even shorten it a bit more. To use Mr. Manus' brilliant reworking as an example: "When an impassioned detective tries to rescue the latest young captive of a powerful human trafficking ring, he finds himself on a collision course with his vigilante ex-partner." This sounds like a really interesting script, by the way. I wish you all the best with it!
Thank Rebecca. I like the flow of that logline a lot! Clearly you've written a few yourself. It was a fun screenplay to write and we'll see what opportunites come up for it. In the meantime, on to the next project!
The goal of your logline is to get your script read. Sooo, can you tell your story in one sentence? We don't need to know the 3 components, only the one that will get the producer interested.