Filmmaking / Directing : First Short Film by David Leo Michael

Congratulations again on making your first short film, David Leo Michael! I like the movie! It’s gripping, moving, and it deals with something a lot of people face.

The film is shot well. My favorite shot is at 1:19.

I think the first two shots of Dave are too dark.

The audio when the scenes changed could’ve been smoother.

I think the scenes of Dave getting ready could’ve been shorter, and I think you could’ve cut the shot of him putting on his shoes. It adds time to the film, but I don’t think it adds anything to the story. The same thing for the gearshift shot at 2:23.

Congratulations on completing your first short feature film. Thank you for addressing a topic that resonates with many people—addiction—and for exploring its complexities. Many viewers relate personally, knowing family members who struggle with addiction and sometimes even themselves. The subject is nuanced and offers many aspects for further exploration in storytelling.

The introductory scene’s lighting is too dark and could benefit from additional illumination. In filmmaking, it’s often advised to avoid clichéd scenes such as characters getting out of bed and walking upstairs. Instead, consider starting with the action already underway—for example, the protagonist searching for drugs while on the way leaving for work. Scenes showing routine morning activities, like washing hands or other daily preparations, tend to slow the pace and may be unnecessary.

Depicting the protagonist preparing drugs slows the narrative, especially after it is established that he is an addict. Repeating this preparation more than once can detract from the story’s momentum. Similarly, scenes of him entering the car could be streamlined by starting with him already inside or driving. Scenes where he opens a beer and drinks it slow the pace; focusing on the character after he puts the beer down.

It would be beneficial to provide more insight into the protagonist’s feelings and motivations, by adding more action and dialogue. I believe the most profound and powerful moment in the film occurs when the protagonist is getting high and reads a letter from his mother. This scene stands out as genuine and offers a chance to reveal deeper aspects of the character. Through the letter, viewers learn that his mother is loving, nurturing, and supportive. She encourages him to overcome his addiction and reassures him that his life is more than his mistakes, offering hope and love by expressing her belief that he will return home. It’s an opportunity to deepen the story.

The mother’s letter provides an opportunity for the protagonist to reveal himself—perhaps by talking, crying, or showing remorse. For those familiar with addiction, such moments are when genuine emotion and vulnerability surface. This could be the pivotal moment where the character contemplates recovery or emotionally reaches out to his mother, even while under the influence. A flashbacks to his life before drugs, or the moment he left home, would further enrich the narrative and provide context for his current vulnerability. This is your greatest scene and seems to be the heart of the story.

This short film contains many compelling elements and represents a strong start. The fact that you chose a very complex issue to write about really is commendable It involved significant effort, and it shows in the work. If you are open to making some adjustments, consider starting the movie with th

Pretty good

Wow! That was an incredible though painful film. You captured visually with a minimum of words the pain so many of us feel. At times it was tedious filmatically. I know you want us to feel the tedium the character feels and believe me you do a fantastic and precise job. But at the same time, being human beings, we want some level of entertainment. People pay lots of money to a shrink to sit through their extremely depressing lives. But they don't want to pay to have to sit through someone else's ongoing depression. You're not wrong because I subject my viewers to scenarios they won't be comfortable with. But what it comes down to is pacing. You have many long scenes where the grip of his unyieldingly miserable life drags on through scenes. My suggestion is not to change anything about the content. It's the pacing you got to work on. I believe the length of scenes could be cut and your audience will more than feel the pathos which is strong. Maybe even cut out one or two of the same repetitive scenes. You're here to entertain primarily and to inform in the process. Your movie clearly informs. The scene with the letter from mother is such a relief finally to hear and feel something positive. But you have to get them there.

Incredible achievement

Keep up the good work, some creative shots, the over head reverse snori :)

Good job, I liked it.

This is a powerful piece of work, David! The emotional depth really comes through. Music can play such a crucial role in amplifying these intense emotions. If you ever need an original score for future projects, I'd love to collaborate. I specialize in orchestral composition for film. You can check my work at https://aitziber-olabarri.musictip.net/ - Keep creating!