G'day directing friends.
Screenwriting novice here. I wonder if you could provide some insight into how I might address something I'm told could put the backs up of directors.
Right at the top of my script, before we've met anyone, I want to set a scene and have used the term 'we drift through' to depict the movement through rooms where the main protagonist is staying. Along the way, we see a rucksack on a chair, an open unpacked suitcase on the floor, wallet, keys, boarding pass and passport on a dressing table etc etc.
The decor suggests were in a Mediterranean apartment and the sounds that fill it tell us were in a city.
Here's the opener. What are your thoughts and many thanks for your input.
INT. IBIZA TOWN - APARTMENT - MID MORNING
SUPER: SUMMER 2004
Sunlight pours in through open floor to ceiling shutters as we drift through a living room filled with the SOUNDS of the street below.
Open double doors at the rear reveal a suitcase lying open on the floor and the lower half of a motionless clothed body on a bed. A mobile phone rings.
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Tons of people will tell you not to do that. It’s fine! Just don’t do it so much it becomes distracting. “Drift” is a good verb in this case, gives us a feeling of floating aimlessly.