Hello, Stage 32! Great to meet all of you! I am an aspiring screenwriter who at 45 years old, got his B.A. of Film Studies from Arizona State University because - screw it, I'm going after my goals! So I have a TON of loglines to share, and to be honest, I don't even know where to start. I'll just drop a logline for one short and one feature and see what happens.
THE COOKOUT (feature): Horror/Dark Comedy
LOGLINE: A group of white privileged friends on a summer cross-country trip discover a booming and progressive African-American town only to discover it holds a deadly secret when the sun sets during the town’s celebratory centennial cookout.
USED (short): Horror
LOGLINE: A family man battling a hidden porn addiction arranges an online sex session with his favorite adult star, only to find himself trapped in a twisted nightmare where his darkest secrets are exposed, and his past sins come back to haunt him in ways he never imagined.
I really don't know how to do this.... was in a bit (understatement) of a creative dry spell, until I was in a car crash that I am 1000% certain should have killed me, yet I walked away without a scratch. A switch flipped - my psych got me on new meds to help pull me out of depression - and then something I believe miraculous happened...Starting from the end of January to today, I have written drafts for (4) feature films and (8) short films. I am working on (4) other drafts and I created outlines for another (12) or so story ideas. I have dedicated three hours every single day just to write. I am pretty sure I am in hypomania and I am just taking advantage of it creatively. I have a bunch of other loglines that I would love to workshop with anyone who is willing to take a look. I would be more than willing to trade eyes! Obviously I have completed drafts for these as well.
Thanks, everyone! Hoping to foster and develop a lot of great relationships in the near future!!!
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Hey, Len Archibald. Glad you walked away from the car crash without a scratch! You wrote a lot since the end of January! Congratulations!
The Cookout and Used sound interesting, especially The Cookout. I think the loglines need some work. They're just the setup right now. I suggest adding the story goals and stakes.
Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).
Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.
Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.
Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).
Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.
All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.
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Maurice Vaughan THIS IS AMAZING and exactly the kind of feedback and workshopping I have been looking for! I have no ego....well, we are all creatives, we have a LITTLE ego - but honestly I just want to be a better writer. I am at the age where it is pretty difficult to hurt my feelings or take criticism personally - so thank you so much!!! I will continue to plug away and tweak my loglines.
You're welcome, Len Archibald. That's a great attitude to have! Let me know when you redo your loglines, and I'll let you know what I think.