logline
Young man from a low socio-economic background who starts working at a burger place. One day, he is approached by mysterious individuals who offer him a lucrative side job: becoming a hitman. Along the way, he uncovers a dark and unfamiliar world that pulls him down a path of moral corruption and destruction.
SCENE 1 - JOB ADVERTISEMENT
Int. Adam's home.
CLOSE-UP on a newspaperas, ADAM flips through quickly there's a visible headline that says "Another millionaire was murdered when will it end?"
Adam flips past it, reaching the JOB OPENINGS SECTION. He spots an ad for a position at a burger place. It's lighten by a blue light.
His hand CIRCLES the ad neatly, and he picks up a phone and dials.
SCENE 2 - JOB INTERVIEW
INT. BURGER PLACE - DAY
Shot on the burger place with "shady" lights. ADAM enters, the MANAGER sits there drinking coffee and looks at the newspaper waiting for him. He spots Adam and gets up.
Manager: (As he shakes hands) - How’s it going? (They both sit) - Want something to drink?
Adam: No, thank you sir.
Manager: Something to eat?
Adam: No, no thank you. I'm good sir.
Manager (laughing loudly): Are you sure? We’ve got some pretty damn good burgers here.
Adam: I know. I’ve eaten here before. But I’m full, sir. Thank you for the offering.
Manager (studying him): So, you’re Adam, I assume to understand.
Adam: Yes, sir.
Manager: Call me WALTER. No need for "sir." So.. what brings you here?
Adam: I’m looking for a job, and I saw in the newspaper that you’re hiring, sir... (manager’s name).
Walter: This is a burger place, and that’s all the job details you need to know. (laughing) - Our job is to make folks get fat, and the ones who are already fat we make them even fatter (bursts into laughter). Can you make sure of it?
Adam: I’m willing to.
Walter: Good. So, on a regular shift, it’ll just be you. All alone, but on weekends, there’ll be another guy working with you. How many shifts do you plan to work?
Adam: Every day.
Walter (mocking laugh): Every day? Well, you’re hired. (laughs) Tomorrow at 6:30 a.m., I’ll show you how to run the place.
Adam: What about promoting?
Walter: As long as you are serious as you are talking then you'll get a raise after no time.
WIDE SHOT: They stand, shake hands, and Walter pats Adam’s back. Adam nods subtly, hiding his emotions.
As Adam turns to leave, Walter signals for him to wait. He retrieves the WORK UNIFORM and hands it over. Adam takes it politely, muttering a quiet:
Adam: Thank you.
Adam exiting the burger place, carrying the uniform neatly over his shoulder.
SCENE 3 - RETURN FROM THE INTERVIEW
INT. ADAM'S APARTMENT - EVENING
The apartment is tidy and well-lit. Adam walks in and puts his jacket on the hanger in the apartment entrance. His girlfriend is sitting on the couch. She SPRINGS UP excitedly when he enters.
Adam holds up the work uniform, his face calm.
Adam: I start working tomorrow.
Girlfriend (cheerfully): Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!
She throws her arms around him in a tight hug. Adam reciprocates briefly, his smile reserved.
She makes out with him and she leads him toward the bed.
FADE OUT. CUT.
INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
Adam and his girlfriend lie in bed under the blanket (their pillows have different pillowcase). It seems to be they just had sex. Adam stares at her, his expression has a shy affection. She gazes back at him, her affection visible.
Adam reaches out and TURNS OFF THE LAMP. The room goes completely dark
SCENE 4 - FIRST DAY AT WORK
INT. BURGER PLACE - MORNING
Adam enters, the manager is already there, sitting and waiting for him.
Manager: You’re early. I already like you young man.
Adam: I like arriving early.
Manager (laughing): And I like hearing that.
Walter stands and enthusiastically leads Adam into the storage room.
Walter: This is the storage room raw materials, cleaning supplies and ect. You'll find it all here.
They return to the counter, where the manager demonstrates how to operate the equipment.
Walter: At the end of your shift clean the floor with water and cleaner. Since it’s your first shift champ, Josh will help you out. Got it?
Adam: Understood.
Walter: Good, and good luck.
Adam sneaks a smile to the manager and he exits. Josh enters. The shot is on Josh's back and the manager's face they say hi and smile to each other.
Josh: Hi, I’m Josh. Or Joshua it's up to your likness.
Adam (shaking his hand): Nice to meet you. I’m Adam.
Josh: First shift I suppose.
Adam: Indeed so.
Josh: So... how’s the place so far?
Adam: Just another burger place.
Josh (laughing): You got jokes, huh? But have you got any questions?
Adam: No, I think I'm just fine. Thanks.
Josh: Great, I’m here if you need any help or whatsoever. I can be really useful.
Adam (half a smile): Thanks.
Josh: I think you and me will get along.
Cut.
They finished the shift. They sit and eat hamburgers in front of one another.
Josh: So.. how would you conclude your first shift? Enjoyed?
Adam: First time, you know how first times are.
Josh: It seems as you quickly grasped how things go around here. It looks like you're aiming for the long run.
Adam: That's what I'm aiming for.
Josh: So, what do you think about the burger you made for yourself? That's what you've been making for customers all day.
Adam: It's nice. But it's missing something. Personally, I would add some kind of sauce. You can find a burger anywhere, but the sauce can make the difference.
Josh: You really are passionate about burgers. What do you like to do?
Adam: Like hobbies?
Josh: Yeah, like hobbies.
Adam: I don't really got any.
Josh: Impossible, you've got to like somthing... me, I love spending time with my wife and kids, Charlotte and Toby. (He gets out his wallet and takes a picture of both his kids and hand it over to Adam).
Adam: They look sweet. (He gives him back the picture). I love spending time with my girlfriend.
I’d appreciate any thoughts, feedback, or suggestions from fellow screenwriters or collaborators. If you’re interested in working together or have any advice, feel free to reach out!Copyright Notice:
© Oded Nave 2025. All rights reserved. This script is an original work and is protected under copyright law. Unauthorized reproduction, distribution, or use of this material without permission is prohibited.
1 person likes this
Looks amazing and is similar to the Good Burger Film which has not been explored for a long time Oded Nave
3 people like this
Interesting concept, Oded Nave! And great way to start the script (the catchy headline)! Here’s my feedback/suggestions:
I think your logline needs some work though. It’s more of a short synopsis than a logline. Here’s a logline template that might help: After/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: A _______ (the main flaw the protagonist has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the protagonist’s personality) _______ (the protagonist’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/event that sets the plot in motion).
Loglines are one or two sentences. A one-sentence logline sounds better, and it takes less time for a producer, director, etc. to read it. Try to keep your logline to 35 words or less. Long loglines can make producers, directors, etc. pass on a project.
Avoid using “must” in loglines. “Must” usually means the protagonist is forced to do whatever they need to do in the story instead of doing it willingly. You might need to use “must” in a logline though, like when the protagonist is forced by another character to do something. Using “must” to choose between two options is fine.
Names in loglines are usually for biopics, well-known stories, and franchises (like Mission: Impossible).
Sometimes I put the location and date that the story takes place in instead of the inciting incident if it’s a Period Piece script.
All stories don’t follow this logline template. Biopics, documentaries, and Experimental scripts might not follow the template. The series logline for a TV show can follow this template, but the pilot logline and episode loglines for the show might not.
Shots like CLOSE-UP are usually for production scripts. Some writers put shots in spec scripts, but spec scripts read better without shots in my opinion. There’s a better way to show something close up without using CLOSE-UP. You can write the action line something like: Hands hold a newspaper. ADAM flips through quickly there's a visible headline that says “Another millionaire was murdered when will it end?”
And near the end of scene 3, it says, “WIDE SHOT: They stand, shake hands, and Walter pats Adam’s back. Adam nods subtly, hiding his emotions.” I suggest taking out WIDE SHOT. We can tell it’s a wide shot because the camera is filming them standing up, shaking hands, and Walter patting Adam on the back.
Describe your characters' personalities when you first introduce them in the script. And their appearances and clothes/accessories if those things are important to the story. You don't have to take a lot of space describing their personalities, appearances, and clothes/accessories.
You only need to put Adam's name in all caps when you first introduce him in the script.
Near the start of scene 2, it says, “Manager: (As he shakes hands) - How’s it going? (They both sit) - Want something to drink?” Try to keep action out of parentheses.
In scene 2, the manager says, “So, you’re Adam, I assume to understand.” How does he already know Adam’s name?
In scene 2, the manager says, “Every day? Well, you’re hired. (laughs) Tomorrow at 6:30 a.m., I’ll show you how to run the place.” That’s fast. What about a background check? Or maybe the manager doesn’t care about doing background checks.
At the start of scene 3, it says, “The apartment is tidy and well-lit.” I suggest telling more about Adam’s apartment. A setting is an opportunity to reveal important things about characters and the story. I also suggest describing the front of Adam’s apartment (in scene 1) and describing the burger place (scene 2) some more.
Also, it says “Adam’s home” in the first scene heading, but it says “ADAM’S APARTMENT” in scene 3’s heading. I suggest making the scene headings the same.
In scene 3, Adam’s girlfriend says, “Congratulations, congratulations, congratulations!” so you don’t need “(cheerfully).”
I suggest giving his girlfriend a name if she’s important to the story.
I think scene 3 needs more. There’s not much happening other than Adam coming home, his girlfriend congratulating him, and them making out. Maybe add dialogue of her saying how she knew he would get the job, which would show the reader she believes in him and supports him. Then maybe give Adam some dialogue.
I also think scene 2 when Adam meets the manager could have more going on in it. They basically meet, talk, Adam gets hired, and leaves.
I feel like you could show the characters’ personalities more to make them and the scenes more interesting.