Screenwriting : Help me please with this scene by Jack White

I use notations like SceneNo-letter e.g. 6 and 6A to denote two scenes running together as one scene

SHOW what he sees, and TELL in the heading. If it's something that happened before, it's a FLASHBACK scene. If it's something that hasn't really happened, it's a FANTASY scene. If it's several different scenes, then it's a SERIES OF SHOTS or a MONTAGE (FLASHBACK optional with the montage). If you go back and forth a few times, always bring Sam back to the PRESENT.

Don't be shy - if he goes back and forth a few times, keep changing the header to the appropriate time and place. Even if the total length of the meditation scene is one minute and what we see is three flashbacks, and back to the couch three times.....make sure you have the appropriate headings that represent pictorially what has happened.

Good luck and Happy Writing, Carter!

Thanks so much Bill !

If you go back and forth a lot of times, maybe (in the action description) write "we alternate between shots of him meditating in the living room and him walking around at the airport" or something to that effect.

It's a little unconventional, but I think it works.

Structure. Okay, so, if your character is in his living room and fantasizes about being at the airport (voice-over optional):

INT.SAM'S LIVING ROOM-DAY

Sam is sitting Indian style on his couch meditating.His eyes are closed as he's trying to focus.Everything is silent around him.

Okay, now, he starts fantasizing.

INT. AIRPORT - DAY (A FANTASY)

He's walking around, weaving through crowds of travelers , buys his ticket, looks for his departing gate, etc. Also, you could voice his thoughts by using a voice-over (V.O.), or words something to himself (to self). When you're ready to return Sam to his living room, just return him to the living room with this slug line:

INT. SAM'S LIVING ROOM (RETURN TO REALITY)

Sam opens his eyes or whatever. You get the idea.

It's straight forward and correct. Hope this helps.

Thanks a lot !

If you are not jumping back and forth a lot. I'd change scene heading, just like the audience will see it. They don't get to read you script. You could call out "soft focus, dream like". The read will get the picture. The director will have their own way of getting the idea across, perhaps by moving in of the person face then smash cut with an audio change. You just have to get the idea across.

Ernest gives a good example but you can also do it with action such as:

Everything is quiet, Sam fantasizes.

Inside whatever airport, whatever, whatever, whatever.

Sam reopens eyes with look of revelation, confusion, whatever.

The only reason I say this is because you want the audience to really never leave the living room in their mind as well even though you want them to see what Sam see's.

From a director's standpoint maybe he/she wants the fantasy scene structured. IDK but this way is definitely NOT directing on the page.

This also depends on relevance to fantasy later in movie but this is the way I generally understand what you want to convey. I could be wrong though because there truly are numerous ways to do things.

Good luck, I run into stuff like this all the time and really wonder which way is most correct to give proper conveyance being mindful of audience and reader understanding. I figure if I get lucky thinking like a director will come with rewrite notes anyway.

Michael Lee Burris

"Life really is too short not to look at the lighter side of it." & "I'm trying my damnedest not to fly around like a blind bird."

We each have our unique writing style, mine is very minimalist so I would write your scene thus:

INT. SAM'S LIVING ROOM - DAY

Sam, eyes closed, sits on the sofa, tries to meditate.

FLASHBACK

INT. AIRPORT TERMINAL - DAY

Action, action....

BACK TO SCENE

As the Director, this tells me that we need a MED CU to see Sam's closed eyes and enough background to see smoldering incense and a candle or two in a light subdued setting - a little Sitar music. Then a JUMP CUT to a bright, loud airport terminal. I'm assuming tis is not the first time we've seen or his living room.

@Doug I'd do a slow crawl in on his eyes, then fade to the new scene with a vastly difference sound production. I am itching to do another short.

Going back and forth using loglines takes up a lot of space, though.

Actually gave this one a wee bit thought off some of Craig's comments. Here's what I came up with.

Int. Living Room, Sam’s House- Evening

Sam sits alone on couch in meditative state, all is QUIET. Sam’s rhythmic BREATHING soon causes stoic transfixion.

Off Sam his view enters whatever airport. Whatever happens.

View fades out of airport back to a slightly smiling meditative Sam who’s eyes open and gleam with confidence.

His view is our view this way. and we can relate to whatever feel is written. No confusion. Just an opinion. These sorta things drive me nuts because with all the hard and fast rules there really are none.

Tamim - back and forth using loglines???

Craig - Yanks & Aussies; sometimes I have a hard time with the terminology. I think of a CRAWL as what takes place when the credits roll at a film's end. I think what you're suggesting is a MID CU to an ECU but we don't know the story through line, the scene's purpose or its placement. That makes it difficult to stage and block. I like a strong rhythm so I wouldn't use a FADE or an X FADE here - I suggest a JUMP CUT to a loud jostling Airport to make the audience wake up and pay attention. That's just my take.

I mean slug lines. Sorry.

Write it as a narrative. If you are writing a spec, which chances being that you are, try to avoid technical language. Normally, I only put a new location in if the character I am describing actually goes there.

Carter, If your character is meditating he really shouldn't be thinking at all visually. What I would do is give a few seconds of silence in his meditation and have it interrupted by a phone or a knock at the door. That way you can avoid this situation all the way around. Stock shots are archive footage, library pictures. Stock shots are film or video footage that can be used again in other films. Stock footage is beneficial to filmmakers because it saves time shooting new material. What you are referring to are Dream Sequences. CUT TO: FADE IN: are the words I think you are looking for. Write to the library of congress or the Writers Guild East or West depending on where you are, and have them send you a screenplay formatting guide. It should be updated by now. You got the low down on shot descriptions and formatting for your script. You can also use Celtix at https://www.celtx.com/index.html

This is a great platform to write your screenplay. It automatically formats where your scene descriptions should be, and it sorts your characters and plots etc for you. Check it out and good luck.

Thanks a lot !!