On the eve of her wedding, a Southern Belle wants her kids to be free to chase their own dreams… but in Peachland, the heritage Cult’s Reverend injects brides with its pure seed to spread the Cult’s influence and membership.
Screenwriting : Log Line: Comments Please by Brian Couch
Log Line: Comments Please
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Hi, Brian Couch. Is "wants her kids to be free to chase their own dreams" her story goal or just her life goal?
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Seeing what you're doing with the contrasts there and it's beautiful. Maybe it needs more about the stakes for the protagonist.
A Southern Belle risks her life, spurring children on to the biggest of dreams, as one of the brides that their reverend injects with pure seed to secure a blessed cult progression.
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'Thanks'... every insight offers a new perspective on how to make the script better.
You're welcome, Brian Couch.
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How about this Brian Couch
With her wedding mere hours away, a Southern Belle teeters on the edge of panic, desperate to spare her future children from a nightmarish fate in Peachland, where a merciless cult Reverend prowls like a specter, his gleaming syringe brimming with "pure seed" to chain brides to a grotesque, suffocating legacy of domination.
or...
As her wedding clock ticks down, a Southern Belle spirals into dread, clawing to protect her unborn children from a grotesque doom in Peachland, where a sadistic cult Reverend, eyes glinting with mania, wields a dripping syringe of "pure seed"—a vile, pulsing toxin—to bind brides to a festering, inescapable lineage of horror.
With 30 Words or less:
Hours from her wedding, a Southern Belle fights to save her unborn from Peachland’s cult Reverend, who injects brides with a vile "pure seed" to breed his twisted dominion.
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'Thanks' for the insights Mark... they certainly add horror to the event, but I've been told to steer clear of individual insemination because audiences will see it as rape... have to play in the group grope space. However, your suggestions sparked a visual addition to the Cult's Baby lab.... half-ass AI photos of Cult babies produced from genetically modified experiments for WalMart. Thanks.
Brian Couch
Not a problem Brian Couch and glad to help.