Hello Fellow Scribes,
I have been working on my logline for CRASHERS and I wanted to get the advice of my peers as to which one is the best, most professional and the most attention grabbing. Here they are:
#1: Reckless and impulsive 20-somethings devise risky car-crash insurance schemes.
#2: A trio of reckless and impulsive 20-somethings devise risky car-crash insurance schemes to collect blood money and get caught up in the seamy underworld of crime and fraud.
#3: Reckless and impulsive young people devise risky car accidents to collect insurance blood money, get caught up in the seamy underworld of crime and auto insurance fraud and suffer the nightmarish descent as events spiral out of control.
Any and all advice is certainly appreciated!
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3
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Lindy Hudis cheers!
Sounds to me like a cool workable concept.
I'm seeing a CGI Mark Wahlberg made to look the right age, along with his crew, tone of Gone In 60 Seconds / Pain & Gain if you saw that one, depends how dark you go here?
For this genre I would stick to 25 words or less
but #1 I think is too short and lacking dimension of story.
We want to see Acts I, II & III implied in the logline, three beats, BOOM BOOM BOOM.
Just my opinion, maybe a little more specific implication of story material or subplot.
So #2 is closest. Things like "events spiral out of control" / "nightmarish decent" to me sound too vague and a bit overly familiar, I think the logline should always be for JUST THIS STORY, accurate, concise, cinematic, evocative, grabbing my brain!
20-somethings are almost always reckless and impulsive.
We need details and a story that visually unfolds in front of your eyeballs when you read the logline BOOM !!!
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I prefer 2. It’s succinct and we get it in a perfect 30 words. 3. Rambles and is overkill. “Seamy” in 2. says in one what unnecessary sentences say in 3.
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Personally like #2. Short and to the point, Good luck.
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2.
Wow, some excellent feedback! Thank you guys!
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i' am like #2.
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Def 2.
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You've nailed it with option 2.
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Agreed - I think #2 is a nice balance.
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Go with #2
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I generally hate going with the crowd... but... 2!!!!!!!!!!!!