Screenwriting : Problem with logline for writing script by Rafael Pinero

When a mother and her son move into a new house, she discovers her son's new friends aren't actually people but dangerous ghosts that haunt their new home.

Rafael -- great to hear you have an idea for a story. From the sounds of it you haven't started writing yet. Not sure what your level of experience is so some of this might be falling on experienced ears. I wouldn't worry too much about the log line at this point or even trying to tell people about it. You might want to start with a well defined outline first. Break your outline into three acts and then fit the story into those key segments. Heck, use "Save the Cat" if you have too to figure out what needs to happen when. After you do this you might find new angles or adventures for your characters or arcs an when that happens your old log line will go by the wayside. Or you might find that the original log line you worked on was exactly what you stuck too and made a success. Either way, you will need to work a process. Idea > Outline x10 > Write the first draft > Rewrite x5 > Log Line > Coverage > Pitch & Promote. Good luck and Happy writing.

You're right Stacy, as a matter of fact I am kind of using the Save the Cat method, building an outline... But then I realized I had no ending, then I thought "This is stupid, there are too many movies about houses being haunted", but somehow I still feel the story is pretty good, but I end up with the fact that I don't know my ending or resolution of the story. So the outline that I was building had some pretty cool scenes, but with no ending I just got lost. So I learned that with a clear logline I could solve my problem.

By the way, the logline that you proposed from the mother's POV is pretty good, the story follows that action.

Hi, I'm a literary editor, and my advice is not to worry about log lines - you need to start writing the story, if you want to tell people you're writing, just tell them you're writing a horror story about the ghosts of murdered children who want to harm another child's mother, just keep it really simple and tell it how it is in your own words, no need to script it, or give so much detail, when you do talk about it, have confidence and belief in your ideas.

Thanks For the advice Rosalind, that's what I've always been told, to write and write everyday at least 10 minutes if I don't have time. I did that once, I wrote my first feature length script, I wrote everyday and it was great, but I did get lost a lot of times because I didn't have an ending, and it was tough, I had to do a lot of rewriting and I finally produced and directed it, won a couple of festivals and still haven't been able to find distribution. And now that I have this as my next project, I wanted to have a clearer idea of the structure first before jumping into the writing, but to be honest it's not working for me, when planning my 2nd Act I get really lost in the maze, and this is before actually writing the script... I don't know if this happens to anyone here, should I definitely outline the story first or should I just write and get it all outs? Thanks for all your input, its great to be able to share this frustrations with actual screenwriters.

Rafael - I also tell my clients, when they are panicking about the fact they have to go over their work a multitude of times, that writing, in any genre is 10% inspiration, 90% rewrites, and it really, really is... you know, some publishers have many editors and proof readers and when they receive a submission that they want to publish, they give the manuscript to every editor in the building, because it doesn't matter how many times you look over something, you can always miss something and it's always good to have as many eyes look over your work as possible, I work on my own, so I do an edit, then I leave it for a while and go back to it later, and each time I do an edit, I leave it for a bit, I have never gone over something twice straight away. I also understand about the writing, producing and not being able to find distribution, but, you have to persevere, you have to keep going and just don't give up, it is disheartening and it is very difficult, but you just never know if the next door you knock on, will open for you, it just takes the right company and the right person to see your work, love it and want to invest in it If you feel something you're doing isn't working for you, don't do it, change it - there really is no right or wrong way, you have to do what's best for you and you know also, ideas come from ideas, so just start writing, if planning it out isn't working, just start writing and see how that works for you, you can't lose anything other than a bit of time, so go for it. I have five clients I edit for and none of them have planned anything, they just write and they all write differently, some like complete silence, some like classical music on when they write, some write a chapter before going over it and editing, others edit page by page, everyone is different and you have to be comfortable with what you're doing, otherwise it becomes a chore rather than a joy, just finish the book.

Sorry, just had another thought as I've seen you're worried about the ending... stop worrying about the ending, I've got a client who is writing a crime thriller, she doesn't know how it's going to end and she doesn't want to know, because she wants to see how the story pans out as she writes it, it doesn't matter if you don't know how it's going to end - I think you're thinking too much about everything, I think you need to take a deep breath, don't worry about every aspect of the journey, just trust yourself, take the first steps and get writing.

Great thread and some great comments above. :)

Rosalind, I appreciate your input, I guess that if I don't start writing without having every beat figured out yet, I'm gonna waste another year, than you very much for your advice and support.

Hi Lisa, I also totally agree with you, I guess I'll just sit down and figure out what my antagonists really want and try to think of many possible endings. I also read somewhere that for writing a Horror story it is best the figure out first all the characteristics of the antagonist/monster, and from there build the protagonists obstacles. Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice, once again I'm convinced this is a great place.

Try this: After moving to a new house, an antisocial child makes friends, only they're a pair of vengeful ghosts and the don't like moms.

Write the story you want to write. I usually don't worry about loglines until I have a polished first draft done. I have to get the story out of my head otherwise it'll linger and I'll lose interest in it if I get caught up worrying about other things.

You said you're searching for an ending, and that this is a horror film, so I was inspired to throw out an idea for you to help with that ending :-) What if .... ....the lonely kid discovers his mother is not actually his mother? Maybe he was adopted, or kidnapped. THIS mother actually DID murder those two kids, and they want justice. THIS mother now suspects that her kidnapped kid somehow knows the truth, and now HIS life is in danger! You may have to make the kid older than 6, though, for this to work. I think your idea has potential, Rafael. Keep at it! Work out those beats using Save The Cat. Why not? If it's your first script, it will help give you some structure and teach you a lot. I can also highly recommend a book called 'Writing for Emotional Impact' by Karl Iglesias. Worth its weight in gold. Good luck!

Wow... Thanks everyone, this is really helping. I really appreciate it.

That's one of the problems, pitching the story, have you ever felt like you really know your story in your head but when you try to pitch it somehow it just doesn't sound as good as you thought, but still in your mind it's great and you just couldn't pull out the right words to pitch it and that's when you start thinking "where's my story really going and what is it really about.

Like The Sixth Sense crossed with American Haunting?

I think what you need is an OUTLINE set and clear before you bother with a logline. intact too many people here are worrying about loglines when they should be worrying about their scripts. Seriously it's not that hard folks. And if you can't write a logline god help your screenplay.

so is he on the side of the two kids or not? Or is that the central conflict - choosing between his two friends and his mother?

Hello Dave, the kid is antisocial and quiet, he plays with his new friends which by the way it's odd since his mother knows his son usually doesn't have any friends, so she thinks they are imaginary friends and her son doesn't really know his new friends are kind of protecting him from his mother, because they think she will harm him the same way they were brutally murdered by their mother.

Interesting John, that's exactly what happens to me when I try to externalize my story

WHAT ABOUT: When a boy and his mom move into their new home, the boy befriends two very mysterious boys while his mom experiences a series of strange injuries and accidents.

Obviously he can't be that antisocial if he's making friends left and right, and with ghosts to boot. Also ghost stories are mysterious and thrilling so your pitch / logline should recreate that expectation. Finally, whomever is the protagonist should be presented first, whether its the ghost boys or the human boy. Those are my three takeaways, humbly submitted.

Zach and John, thanks for your loglines, they are giving me a clearer idea of the story. Zach, the kid is antisocial and the beauty of it is that he is capable of making friends with only these two mysterious ghosts which by the way they are a 6 year old kid and his 9 year old sister.

Mmmm, I don't quite agree John, but maybe you're right that it isn't the right term. By antisocial I mean that the kid is not the type of kid who has friends to play with, he might be shy, not very social, very reserved, a loner maybe, but it's not impossible for him to make friends, maybe he doesn't seek friendship like other kids.

He's not handicapped

You're right, introverted would be a better word, sorry, English is not my first language, so my mistake. Thanks.

Hey Jeffrey, it was called EL DESCONOCIDO, haven't got distribution yet, right now I'm making some adjustments to the film and the new title will be Aversion.

You're right Lisa, I was kind of looking for some irony like "the antisocial kid who's only friends are ghosts", "The ghosts who are kids and wanna hurt moms". You could actually write a logline of The Shining from the kid's POV, or Jack's POV and I think it would stil be interesting.