Screenwriting : How to improve actions in your screenplay? by Nick Ferwerda

Write only what the camera sees. Omit details that don't affect the plot. If you have blocks of action that's longer than 3 or 4 lines, cut or break it up. I try to make each line a shot, but if it's a fast paced action film, that practice can stretch your page count a lot. Make sure that you aren't telling other people how to do their jobs, such as the set decorator, the fight choreographer, the costumer, the DP, the director, etc. Go for a "tone" or a "flavor", and move on.

Great Advice!

Wow! That is indeed a very, good question to ask!!!! I was thinking the same! Plus, the advice gave me a clearer picture! I now know what to work on!!!!!!! Thanks you guys! Very helpful!

We often use 100 words when 10 will do. We think being wordy makes us look smart. I disagree with most people. If you need a shot or camera angle to tell the story, use it. No one is going to be horrified or disgusted beyond belief if you state something. Plus your spec will never make it into the hands of a DP. Even if it does, they'll just ignore you. I use metaphors in descriptions. For people I like the Craig Mazin approach, gender, hair, makeup and wardrobe.

Less is best.... Be direct and clear but do not be wordy.

There is no description, only action - things moving, people doing things. And those actions tell the story and reveal character at the same time. Everything in a screenplay should be there for a story reason... not enough space for describing the curtains or having someone scratch their nose.

Write tight. Excess exposition will kill the read every time - the opening pages often include a bit more exposition, as you're setting the stage. Give a brief description of every plot-significant character when first introduced, ie. (TOBY (7) in summer bright play clothes). That makes life easier for the casting director. Keep your action blocks to 4 or less lines. It's easier to read and stay on the story track. No adverbs – find a stronger verb. Write in present tense. Use commas in place of “and”. You have less than 20K words to tell your story in a 100 page script. These are guidelines with no absolutes.

One can add expressions or emotions, but strictly avoid camera movement or scene angles in script. Let the director take this call. Your job is to maintain the flow of the story. One can always refer to Raw scripts to understand the flow at http://www.imsdb.com/ which is a database of scripts and screenplays.Use MONTAGE to describe or explain the series of scenes or enviorments.

Keep it tight and to the point.

Absolute Present Tense.... For more insight on pro action/description/direction, see: THE VISUAL MINDSCAPE OF THE SCREENPLAY by Bill Boyle.

C.J. Every writer has his/her style and I certainly see nothing wrong with your action block but I submit my own stylistic take. I've reduced your word count from 64 to 46 words – a savings of 18 words per action block. Assuming only 18 word savings per page on a 100 page script, I get 1,800 more word space which on a really tightly written script (195 words/page) yields an extra 9.21 pages for story. Neo, ready with two pistols, fires both wildly until his guns are empty. CLICK.. The Agent sidesteps every shot, pulls his gun, returns fire. BANG, BANG... Neo dodges screaming lead until SMACK, he's hit, goes down in a pool of blood. The agent approaches, glares down; DIALOG (AGENT) As the Director and depending on the budget, I may want to show the bullet vortex in slo-mo and I may want bullet ricocheting SOUNDS. Note too that I've included a close-up on the agent's face without including any CU camera direction. Any way, it's just a difference in style and hopefully those of you who read this get the point – WRITE TIGHT!

Doug, while it's always a great point to keep one's writing tight... CJ's action block example, I believe, was a direct lift from the shooting script for THE MATRIX. What you cut out to lessen word count (just for example) removed much of its creative flavor. In my opinion, writing tight is always a good idea, but don't sacrifice flavor. Lol! It's really learning how to strike a well-crafted balance, is it not? ;)

...Okay, not a direct lift, but CJ's action example does better match its flavor — I just looked at the script. THE MATRIX, whatta fun read. ;)

Beth, I see your point and understand your reasoning well but I work & speak from the spec side of scriptwriting; and I did point out that that there is nothing wrong with CJ's example. I'm only providing another example of tight(dense) writing. Making a movie is highly complex and needs the input from many minds to bring the process to fruition. My job as a spec writer is to tell a compelling story in the most succinct manor I can. Of course I'm going to insert my creativity into it the tale but I also know (from experience) that others like the Director, DP, Editor and Score Editor – who are all creatives – expect to participate in the process: I respect that and I believe they should. Most indie films today fall in the under seven figure budget and I have to keep that in mind as I write. If I insert big ticket FX – a slo-mo shot of a bullet coming toward a character – I may blow the budget and not sell my script. Whereas if I keep it simple, the others can put their creative fingers on the story. The Producer may find a few more dollars for the budget if the Director and others plead their case. These (and so much more) are things a spec screenwriter must know and understand to strike a well-crafted balance. Keep in mind that the writer is not a one-person band, you are part of an ensemble.

Say what you need to say to get the scene across... and only write things that are "actionable" by a member of the crew. The main difference between novelists and screenwriters is that novelists write a story. Screenwriters are writing an instruction manual.

CJ, no I didn't miss your point regarding story pace & rhythm... It's absolutely vital in the finished film – so I wholeheartedly agree with you on in that respect. But I like to point out that the writer is only one player on a filmmaking team and must allow other creatives to participate in the project. When writing a novel the writer is also the Director, Casting Agent, DP, Set Designer.... and in some cases the Producer and Marking department (self-publishing) all rolled into one. In that case, the prose, style and flow are vital. And yes, it's much more complicated than most even realize. An aside; many Directors run a “closed set” - no writers allowed on set. A word to new writers: Play well with others and leave your ego at home.