Screenwriting : Finally done and ready to pitch my play by Carol Tanis

I like the logline, but I feel it could be more succinct. Learning his wife is a lesbian directly implies that he'll have trouble keeping the family together, so that might be easily cut, saving you a few words. You also repeat the word 'learns', which could be improved on. Altogether, however, I think that it gives all the information it needs to relatively concisely.

I think you could work on hinting at the tone as well. The way you have it now, the first part somewhat suggests a comedy, or a farcical situation. A fish out of water story, a classic twist on romance. The latter half, however, implies a meaningful search for self-discovery, a quest of redemption, a search for understanding. A shorter logline would allow you to convey a single tone more accurately (though, truth be told, I kind of like the journey that your logline takes me on).

Just some ideas I had:

"Family-man Jake is forced to confront his ideals when his wife comes out of the closet"

"Upon finding out his wife is a lesbian, Jake learns about his true self, and learning to love again while trying to keep the family together."

"Trying to keep the family together becomes tricky when Jake learns his wife is a lesbian. Can he discover his true self and learn to love again?"

"Jake embarks on a journey of self-discovery after learning his wife is a lesbian."

I'm afraid I have no real leads for where to begin shopping your play, but if you have any friends who are stage directors, I would certainly start there. You might also be able to ask your local college's theater departments, or high school departments, if they take on local scripts for consideration. Outside of that, I think you're asking in the right place.

Congrats on being ready! I'm sure it's taken a lot of hard work to get to this point, it must feel very rewarding!

I like the logline, it is clear and we want to know more about the story.

I hope you have drawn inspiration from the Ross character in Friends... the blueprint for lesbian wives XD XD

It reads a little awkward and is a tiny bit confusing—falling in love again? With who? The wife? Her girlfriend? Someone new? Is this a comedy or a drama? Watch minor punctuation stuff and redundancies too. Anyhoo, typically, character names are not included in loglines; rather, some description or label is used instead to create a character's vivid image.

An example for fun:

Family values get jumbled when a right-wing pundit learns his wife is lesbian, and while trying to keep his household and public image intact, he discovers more about his true self and about love.

Hope that helps some!

Oh, and usually, requests for logline feedback are placed in Your Stage. But you are also asking about where to pitch your play. Perhaps reach out to S32 Script Services. They work with several execs/producers/agents/etc. And may know better to whom to direct you. Send Nick an email at WriterHelp@Stage32.com or Jason Mirch, j.mirch@stage32.com. ;)

Wow! This is the first time I've really asked for feed back on this site and I'm bowled-over by your great suggestions and questions. Ryan, great improvement of my log ling. And, Beth really appreciate the information! Thank you, all!

Hi, Carol Tanis! Congrats on your play and logline! May I suggest posting your logline on your profile? If you hover over "Profile," you'll see "Loglines" in the dropdown and you can post it there. Posting it on your profile allows people to easily find, rate and give feedback on it. Also, if you're looking to pitch your play, I completely agree with Beth Fox Heisinger! Jason, the Director of Script Services and Nick, the Script Services Coordinator are both super helpful (like the entire team at Stage 32) and help guide you!

Sorry for the confusion, Nick. It is a screenplay. In my haste I shortened it. But I appreciate your comments. Everyone has been so helpful to this newbie.

Hi Carol! it's so nice to read your question about your LGBTQ project. I'm trying to get some traction on an asexual project, "ACES WILD". I've labeled it a rom/com, even though it's neither, but I think the right actors and/or director could make it happen.

Not being in that community, I'm trying very hard to get feedback and not step on anyone's toes, if you know what I mean. I created a facebook page and have over 400 people who seem to be okay with what I've given them.

Hi Carol. Great that you're getting started, why not make the protagonist LGBT-based? I'd love to see more stories being told and the more it's done the more it will appeal to people I believe.

Thanks for the suggestion! I wrote the script with a straight protagonist thinking that the story might appeal more to the heterosexual crowd, as well as the LGBTQ+ community. Unfortunately, many people still will not watch watch a movie with a gay lead character. But, I agree that the more we see LGBTQ+ characters the better. I am lesbian and am passionate about equality. The protagonist(s) in my next script will very likely be part of the LGBTQ+ community.

Nick is right... people are not sucessful in this industry unless their gut is worthy :D

Carol Tanis i can’t speak for every hetro in the planet. But I don’t think it matters. A few years ago perhaps. People were scared of offending straight people. I am straight, I am not offended. I can relate to people and their struggles. It is sometime more important for people to see life through a different lens to develop empathy and understanding.

Hey Craig, I appreciate your feedback. I'm not quite sure that everyone is as highly-evolved as you are, but I like hearing all viewpoints. One of the reasons I like this platform.

Carol Tanis I am afraid you could be correct. Perhaps it is just because I live in Sydney. We are too lazy to worry about what other people do..lol