Screenwriting : Feedback question by Jose Eduardo Penedo

First congrats ! let me give you my personal opinion , when the viewers are watching a show , each one tries to refer himself as one of the main characters , so if you keep only male main characters you might lose the female interest in the show !

Congrats, Jose.

First, terrific news Jose! Great job generating positive feed back on your project! I'd only add this point, examine your four characters' journeys throughout the pilot again, and see if a female character can fill any of it nicely, without compromising the story. If not, then stay the course. You wrote it that way for a reason, right? Self-evaluate your pilot, and see if the feedback suggestion works by changing one character, or adding a female supporting character. Sometimes, more than one re-read with new feedback can enlighten you to a different aspect you never noticed before. Good luck!

Jose Eduardo Penedo Handmaid's Tale, Sex and the City, Big Little Lies etc. do have male characters, they are just supporting characters. But these male characters are big enough to have an impact on the story/ main characters. So depending on what you want, maybe you could consider to create a female supporting character, who supports your main story. In my opinion, if you have male and female characters it may increase the audience.

Dunno. Maybe you are getting these notes because you are an unknown commodity and the readers are comparing your work to established rock stars. Fuck the notes. Go with your guts. It's not like readers are going to help you make something from their couches.

Thanks everyone for the advice!

Bridgit, the show does have female supporting characters and some of them are some of my favorites to write for actually! They simply don't have the same prominence as the four main characters, but they sure do have an impact on the main cast.

Did you ask why? Maybe its the market these days?

Hi Jackie! I did and yes, the justification was market-related.

It doesn't make sense to me that someone tells me "I like the story and I like the characters but you need to change the gender of one of them, completely shifting the dynamics of the whole show, just so you can appeal to a part of the market".

I'm no expert, but I have heard diversity is big right now. Although I'd hazard a guess that a great story is a great story.

Don't get me wrong, I loved getting feedback and 95% of the notes I got were on point and will help me build a stronger script. But this one specific note really bothered me. It's not like I have 4 straight white men as main characters: one of them is gay (even though this is not exploited in the story), another one has darker skin, they all have different ages and come from very different socio-economic backgrounds. But it's all because the premise and the story demands it, not because it will look better in a trailer.

I really don't get this trend of trying to make every show/film a blind power rangers of diversity...

I agree with trust your gut, my but.. when it comes to notes, even ones I'm resistant to, I give it an honest try to see if the result surprises me. With the thought that if I don't like it, I'll just go back to my last version. And you know.. I never go back. Maybe something additive will come from exploring the idea. In the end, its yours so its your choice!

Like the above commenters have already stated, everyone has their opinion. Trust your own intuition, and make the pilot your own.

Everyone is always going to have another point of view. You can take it or not. You've go this.

I am dead against adding stuff for the sake of it. I had this conversation the other day. Someone said “Zombie movies are dead. But make one of the kids in the family Trans and you have something fresh”. That (in my mind) is super offensive. It is treating a trans-person as a oddity to stare at. However, does having a trans kid in the story give you something to explore, potentially.

Does making one of the characters a woman give you something more to explore? Rather than the token female. I wrote a drug dealer film that had a single woman as the protagonist. Why? Well she was petite, that gave an instant vulnerability in a super testosterone world. There was a constant under current and threat of sexual violence. Then I made her gay. Why? Because I looked at her and saw that she solved problems the same way my lesbian mate Danni does. I also model her relationship on Danni and Kay (her wife). Husbands tend to want to take over and solve a problem for their parents (we are cavemen, no matter how much we try). Kay gives Danni support and doesn’t try to solve on Danni’s problems on Danni’s behalf. Making Amy gay gave me that.

I know this is super long winded. I am a guy, my opinion must be important... See what adding a female in a position of power gives you. Does she bring a broader understanding the decision made by the other characters?

Jose Eduardo, stick to your guns! If you need to make changes to your show, do it because YOU want to...as long as you believe it'll help the series you've created.

All the VERY BEST to you!

Hey there Jose! I just want to give you my opinion on how I felt about your post. For me when I in my writing my characters are the central link that keeps me connected to my story. Therefor, I absolutely don't agree that somebody should be telling you to change your character's up especially if that all being mail goes and connects with the story itself. My advice to you is keep doing your and stay true to who you are as a writer.

In the end you have to decide what you are going to stick to. Does having an all-male cast make sense? If you feel that the story falls apart with the change then stick to our guns. Does adding a female character hurt? I don't consider adding a new character that diversifies the script and points of view as a token character. How you write and integrate that character determines whether or not it's a token character. Basically token characters are characters the writer cares nothing about and it's easy to tell. And also that's one opinion on the note. Good luck.

Hello Jose. I think you need to ask yourself why are the characters all male and if that is the only way to tell the story, does this story need to be told. Male stories have been told from here to kingdom come and now are often not fresh and just repeats of the same old stories and guys. I'm thinking right now about the latest Spike Lee movie Da 5 Bloods. This is about a black male squad of soldiers that served in vietnam and even spike made sure to write in an interesting French woman who diffused mines to move the French portion of the war story forward and he had a past Vietnamese love interest that resulted in a 1/2 vietnamese 1/2 black child which really tells more about some things that happened during Vietnam. So yes his 5 males needed to be that but he made sure to have interesting female characters move it forward. As a woman I probably wouldn't buy, produce or watch your all male story if it is more of the same because life is changing and moving forward. If it is new and fresh and has to be those 4 men, then try it out and stick to what you want to write. But really contemplate if a female could help the story become more interesting. If not then don't change it

Hello there!

First off, congratulations on your feedback, that's wonderful you were able to get such a positive response about your film! Also, I apologize for the amount of rambling presented here and I hope this clears up your question! Best of luck with your project!

To answer your question, I think that nowadays, people focus on the relatability of the characters and situations. By not including some diversity whether it's a cisfemale or a person of color, it makes the media not as relatable to the audience which can cause a lack of audience range. Such as, not as many women would be tuned into your show as they would have nothing to relate to.

Also yes, there are a bunch of female-lead shows/films but by comparison, it's far less than the male-lead shows/films so I believe your teammate was considering the diversity aspect of it. To you, it may seem pointless and silly to participate in the diversity checklist but it does help out other people in the long run. For me, I wasn't able to relate to a lot of protagonists due to the fact that the experiences were not shared as I am not white nor cismale. If I had seen more content that featured people like me living experiences that I was able to relate with, it would've shaped my experience growing up much better.

However! At the end of the day, it is your story, and writer group notes are just suggestions. You don't have to agree to them nor do you have to implement them in your own writing. I would personally consider checking out your character list again however if you feel that your story works better with four male characters then that's your choice.

Sounds like there's some good feedback on your work - congrats! While OINTB, Sex & the City, Handmaid's Tale, etc all seem to have only female main characters, there are some great male characters in the center ring - let's look: There would be no staying power in Sex & The City without Mr. Big. They were going on dates with men, falling in love with men, trying to successfully work with men, etc. Joe Caputo's character in OITNB played a crucial role to heighten the conflict consistently throughout the show. Sara Manning would have nothing without her brother Felix on Orphan Black - he is damn near their only ally. The women are the focus in the Handmaid's tale as a spec of crimson in a sea of male dominance, so there's obviously a huge male presence from the commanders. Commander Fred is a great character that drives June (Offred) over the edge. June's drive to escape is because of her husband, Luke, whose journey we also follow while he tries to find his wife. Some other males come into play later as well (no spoilers from me!) Also, is the note that you have a diversity bar you need to meet, or is it that the "Four guys get together and do some crazy things" might be a little saturated? Bringing women in might make something truly unique, you know?

Hi, Jose. Congrats on your positive review. :) For me, more context is needed here, but perhaps look past the not-so-great choice of words “had to” and think more of the note in terms of filling out the pilot and/or potential series for market consideration. Amanda and many others make some great points above. Fantastic secondary and pivotal characters in all of the female lead series you list above have been male. The other aspect and missing context here, as Amanda also asks above, is this note specifically about adding diversity? Or is it about a saturated market? Differentiating?

Hey everyone! Thanks for your feedback. Let me try to answer everyone.

So, yeah, there are female characters on the show, some of them quite important for the plot. But all 4 main characters are male.

It's not a question of market saturation, it was really a diversity thing, which bothered me.

I have a question for everyone: does a character need to be the same gender/race as you for you to empathize with him/her?

This is an honest question, because I know some of my favorite characters in film are female: Lisbeth Salander, Amy Dunne, Ripley, Furiosa, Clarice from Silence of the Lambs, Leya, Buffy, Scully, Sarah Connor, the list goes on!

Hmmm, okay, it was about diversity. Interesting. Thanks for clarifying, Jose. About your question, personally, no, I do not need a character to be the same gender/race as me to empathize with them or to enjoy. For me, I love characters that are quite different than myself. I watch a wide range of stuff, right now, a lot of series from other countries. Subtitles do not bother me. Lol! However, that said, I admit, off the cuff, a pilot about 4 men doesn’t grab me, initially, but I assume that’s because I am not the target audience. I would need more context to draw me in. Genre? Thriller? Drama? What kind of group is this about? Their ages? Location? Situation? Circumstances? Are they old friends? Do they share some sort of past trauma or experience, good or bad? Are they 4 Latino men or Asian men or Black men, or a mix of some sort? You said one was gay, right? I would need more and I guess your reviewer felt the same for some reason? Dunno, if it is a factor, but was your reviewer female or male? Again, without the full context of the script and the reviewer’s notes it’s hard to say. While I absolutely support a creator’s intent and specific vision, maybe the note under the note is that if you wish to appeal to a wider TV audience then perhaps something more is needed? Perhaps a follow up discussion with the reviewer may help? Did they give specifics to why they felt the way they did? Just saying you need a female character isn’t quite enough, rather vague. You said you do have secondary characters, some female, maybe those need to be further developed? Something may not seem balanced for some reason? Anyway, I do hope this helps some and wish you the best with your pilot. ;)

Oh, to add a side thought, I just watched the Danish film Another Round with Mads Mikkelsen, which focuses on a male perspective, life and family, a close male friendship between 4 men, and the wilds of banal alcohol excess, lol! I thought it was great. It has such beautiful, emotional depth. So... dunno? This review you received, Jose, could be a one-off skewed opinion or there is a note beneath the note worth considering? Or not? Again, best wishes. :)

When you get comments, pick what you think is necessary and ignore what changes your story. Remember it is your story not the reader's.

money talks! People are watching shows with strong female characters. These shows are blowing all-male shows out of the water. So, if you want to follow the money (like most producers) then that's where that comment came from. if you want to stay true to your story, then don't budge and stick with your all-male cast. But try not to take it personally? Producers are spending their money to make these shows and they are looking at the evidence in terms of statistics.

This may or may not be germane, but the gender of Ripley in the feature screenplay of "Alien" was originally male, but they cast Sigourney Weaver without changing any of her character's dialogue or actions. Not knowing your pilot, this might be something you'd want to experiment with.

What's wrong with having a story just for dudes about dudes? I hate that they're forcing that diversity. As a viewer, it feels forced and obvious at some point. It can be funny (like in the Ghostbusters remake) or maybe it won't change the story as much as you'd think (also like the Ghostbusters remake). And also Sarah above has a good point, follow the money! I had to remove the baby character out of a script about a single mom. Like whaaa?! The producer didn't want to deal with a child actor. So I turned baby into her elderly grandpa that she was the caregiver for. Anyhow, I digress.

As a viewer, I hate that they are forcing women into parts that the writer meant for men. As a writer, I get it.

You are right to feel miffed about that. It's a thorn in my side. When I pitch to producers who say "female writers encouraged to submit" I refuse to say that I'm a female (with a name like Cannon, they don't know). I want my work to speak for itself.