Screenwriting : Getting rid of "ING" words by Bernice Ye

How about something like "her wild grey hair "unleashed itself" from a wired headband"?

How about "her wild grey hair escapes her headband...."

Scripts do seem to be more active without gerunds and participles. Personally, I like the read better, and when reviewing my scripts I cut out more than 95% of any that slipped in... or is it when I review my scripts?

The problem with advice like this is it's so dogmatic it misses the point. Removing all "ing" words from a script won't improve it unless you know fundamentally why someone should suggest doing so.

This exact topic came up on Done Deal Pro once and a producer commented the last script they'd optioned had seven "ing" words on the first page.

Write in the present tense efficiently and find your voice. There's enough produced scripts out there to show just how much the prose can vary.

CJ Walley :D Just checked, and yea, -ing words abound. Usually though with an auxiliary: is walking, is talking etc.

From her character intro, we know she has grey hair - you need not remind us (redundant). I get no visual from a 'wired' headband - or maybe it's a weird headband, no matter. In conclusion, the way it's written is redundant and non visual.

Bernice Ye I think they mean EX: "He is running up the stairs." Change that to: "He runs..." Not that you can't have words ending in -ing, just change the present progressive to the simple present tense. I find I tend to use that in a sentence like "He is running up the stairs as she trains the gun on him." Which I find sounds better if you write: "Her gun trained on him. He runs up the stairs." or "He runs up the stairs. She tracks him behind the barrel of her gun."

Hi Bernice, Her tousled grey hair fits loosely under a headband. Or her headband sits loosely atop her wiry grey hair. Why a wired headband? Does it have to be so specific? Not sure about the word escaping when it comes to hair. It makes me think of Medusa. If you keep the word escapes then the way Anthony says it is perfect. Simple and to the point. Anyway, hope this helps.

Thank you everyone for the tips! Thanks for showing me all the different ways how this description can go. It is actually not in my screenplay, it's a line from a book that I'm reading, I thought, I I liked it and wonder if there's anything wrong with this example?

The reason why there's a wired headband, it's because this is an elderly woman who is an "old-school peasant" in the 90s-early 2000 China. To me, that is something that's very familiar. I'm curious, with that context, do you think that's still too specific?

Oh, well then that makes sense and that major detail was left out : )

You could say, " Her wild grey hair escapes from a wired headband. Using a s instead of the ing.

I use “ing” when I want to imply we join the scene mid-action.

Hard and fast rules like this are lyING.

"Her wild grey hair escaped from the wired headband, obscuring her face as she..."

Bernice I'm specific about items/clothing when it either brings authenticity to the script or the object described is important to the story in either a real or symbolic way.I also want the object to do something else of use for me,character development,express relationships etc.For example regarding the headband I'd either just call it a headband unless i was going to use it later in the script.You could have a running character trait of her blowing the hair out of her eyes due to the crap headband.You could have her look at the headband in her hands and then look over at her drunk asleep husband to convey her situation to the audience.You could have the wire in her headband rubbing on her scalp and drawing blood to create empathy the list is endless.If I was going to do that with the headband I would be far more disciptive of it to hint to the reader that the headband matters.As a westerner my thoughts on what a wire headband is and what you consider a wire headband is probably 2 different things so I'd probably either be none descriptive of it or hyper descriptive of it depending on the importance of it.

@Craig (tagging not working again) Judging from my own initial draft and scripts I have read for other newbies, over-description is a common rookie error. You have specific visuals in mind and you put it all on the page.

Scripts are usually written in present no matter the language...gives the reader sense of things happening now...however no rule is unbreakable I'd guess...

Christiane Lange I would agree I would go so far as suggest if the desciption only exists to show off your ability to write pros it shouldn't be in the script.Overwriting is an issue we all have to deal with.But if you can use items or even place descriptions to create connective threads throughout a story you've gone a long way to showing not telling.If I wrote a story set in Athens I might do a simple description of Athens that mentions the light and men sitting outside cafes drinking and playing with their worry beads with the evil eye symbol on them.I write a simple woman in peril low budget thriller.Protagonist walks out of dark cafe blinded by light handbag gets stolen handbag contains some kind of Mc Guffin she now has to chase.Protagonist keeps having those close to her strangled by worry beads with evil eye symbol on them.Protagonist walks down narrow street with cafes everywhere see's all these men playing with worry beads has anxiety attack jumps into little store front store is antique store with large collection of worry beads protagonist discovers the evil eye symbol on the murderers worry beads is a rare symbol associated with the cult of Athena or something.This is why I hate telling people not to descibe things I'd rather tell them if you use page space descibing it you damn well better use it.

Good question. Present tense is the main goal when you can. " Her grey hair flows outward from her own wired headband." Keeping it short, simple and moving the story forward.

@Kiril I read one short script once, in which all descriptions were written in the past tense. It was completely jarring.

Your story plays out in present tense on the screen. The audience (camera) watches it as it plays out. Write in present tense.

In a vomit draft, just get it down, but after that, yeah - present tense. Clayton's version works, or you can keep the one you've got and just change the tense.

Consider specific context of a sentence and grammar because sometimes you need “ing”—present progressive or present continuous. The “ing” form is also used for writing continuing action in present tense. ;)

her wild grey hair escapes from a wired headband

It's all gate keeping. People should be reasonably intelligent enough to understand the story in whatever tense, which is what should really matter in a screenplay. The story. But since the gates exist and you probably don't have a set of keys, yeah you need to get rid of the ING words wherever possible. Not because it's the right thing to do but because it's what the powers that be want you to do. Or conversely you can produce your own films in which case problem solved.