Hello everyone,
My name is James Romero, but you can call me Jimmy and I'm a screenwriter. I finally made an account on Stage 32 a couple weeks ago, but I never properly introduced myself. I've been a film and television enthusiast for as long as I can remember. Storytelling is my passion. I believe the mediums of TV and Film are the ideal forms for storytelling because they are an amalgamation of various arts; writing, visuals, music.
Currently, I live in the LA area and I'm looking to break into the industry in any way I can, but I'm still trying to chart my course. I graduated with a degree in English: Creative Writing, so after college I stocked up on books and taught myself the constraints of screenwriting. Recently, I just completed my first feature film script that I'm proud enough of to enter in screenwriting competitions and share with people. I'm so thankful for Stage 32 for providing a place for me to connect with other creatives. I'll end by sharing the logline for the horror/thriller script I wrote. Please feel free to praise it or tear it apart. I welcome critique.
Logline: After his girlfriend’s apparent suicide; a young, already emotionally broken, rationalistic science teacher finds himself in a seemingly supernatural mystery. To uncover the truth, save his soul, and defeat an insidious personification of grief, his spirit must break even further.
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I am far from being a logline expert (honestly heard about that the first time when I registered here ;). What makes it interessting for me, is the last half sentence "his spirit must break even further".
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Hi James! Wow, that's a tongue twister of a logline. But I love its premise. Very intriguing in a supernatural way. But my suggestion would be to chop it down to its core (supernatural element) Like so: "A young despondent science teacher must defeat a supernatural malevolent personification of his own grief to save his soul and uncover the horrifying truth behind his girlfriend's suicide."
DD Myles Thank you for the feedback. I love how cleanly your revision of my logline reads. You version holds onto the core elements of the story.
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Alexander Benra I appreciate your feedback. I'm ecstatic that last half of that sentence resonated with you. I didn't learn about loglines until recently when I read a book called Save the Cat. I love how they function as the thesis for a story.
Thank you so much, Colette "ByFilms" Byfield. I'm much more receptive to positive reinforcement and support. In college, when we would workshop stories, we'd give our "commendations" and "recommendations." I'm a proponent of being extremely respectful and sensitive when talking about someone's writing because they've put part of them self in that writing. It's a very vulnerable feeling to put your art out there.
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Nice