Screenwriting : First Script completed by David N. Thomas

Do you mean like writing "The drivers race down the street" instead of going into a lot of detail about how the race is, David N. Thomas?

Yes. For example: in my script there are three major firefights. I described how they happen in pretty good detail because that is how I wrote them in the actual novel.

David N. Thomas, you can write "The drivers race down the street," or you can write more details if the details are important to the scene, but action sequences in scripts won't be as long as they are in novels.

I guess I have a lot of trimming to do. Seems like I should try to bring it down to bare essentials as far as description and action goes and concentrate more on improving my dialogue so the whole thing flows nicely.

No action is actually what sells you...S.Black made it big exactly due to the crazy action scenes in his scripts...many practically un-doable in those times on film, but obviously had widen some execs eyes...

I have a few 200 page plus scripts, many between 120-150 pages. Don’t get too hung up on what you think people want or expect. It’s your creation, what matters is how you view it. I stopped with worrying if it’s too much. “Take it or leave it” I say. Maybe send it out to be proofread before sending to some bigwig. Good luck!

As Kiril Maksimoski points out, a well-written fight can win you fans.

However, really look at the other description in the script. In a first script, it is common to get a little too jiggy with this and have lengthy descriptions of furniture, people, settings etc. You want to slice those down to succinct thumbnails of, preferably, no more than three lines per paragraph and as few paragraphs as humanly possible. You want it to be evocative rather than comprehensive.

Nothing wrong with action sequences, maybe just split it in half and tackle the first half as if it were a feature script. That said, at this length and based on a novel you might need to restructure the story from an outline and really adapt it to screenplay form, thinking cinematically and finding the main storyline and rethinking anything that slows it down in the adaptation?

Daniel, I was thinking about redoing certain sequences that have little relevance and changing things to make the story more logical.

Hey David, Great question! There is a lot of good advice here. Yes, 250 pages is way too long. And most of the detail in the scene description, including extended action scenes, is probably superfluous.

But the good news is, this is where the shaping begins. Adaptations are sometimes tough because we feel like we need to include every plot line from the source material, when really we do not. An adaptation is a wholly separate work, so the best way to adapt is to take the source material and distill it down to a core story.

There is a great Breakdown Webcast in the Writers' Room about Adaptations that I think you should watch. Email me at j.mirch@stage32.com and I will hook you up with it.

I was giving some advice to someone the other day. It is very simple. Don’t describe things the reader already knows. He was describe a crime scene. It was a huge paragraph. We have all seen crime scenes in movies. So rely on that.

“Craig pulls up to the crime scene. The area is taped off. Four officer keep onlookers back while forensics finishes their work. Craig stands back waiting for permission to enter”

Four short sentences. I pull up in a car. We see the crime scene and I appear at the tape. Didn’t need to see me get out of the car etc.

Be brutal.

You can also combine scenes if they achieve the same thing.

@Craig, yes, exactly. And I just checked, because there is a scene like that in my current script. That part goes:

Streets closed off, police everywhere.

Panos and Sophia pull up in Metropoleos Street and get out. They make their way through a throng of gawkers to get to the scene.

[brief interlude of gawker dialogue]

Panos and Sophia walk over to the tape and try to get the attention of the COP [~25] guarding the scene.