I wanted to hop on here and talk about something that has changed my life, especially as a screenwriter. Last December, I was in a car accident. I seemed fine at first, but that quickly changed in the following days. It lead to me seeking treatment.
As I’m going through treatment, I start to realize that there is something very wrong. Words are getting mixed up on the page, I’m skipping entire sentences thinking that I already wrote them… I’m making more mistakes and struggle to think clearly. I think that it’s just my circumstances, but a brain scan reveals that I have less function in the left side of my brain than I should.
I have brain injuries.
These will stay with me for the rest of my life. There might be a chance for some improvement, but I’ll never be the same. And I found myself in this weird position of mourning, well, myself. It felt like the ‘me’ that I knew, that I grew up with, that shared all my traumas and triumphs, was gone.
It’s a weird thing to mourn yourself. For me, it left me wondering who I am. But then, when I asked myself that question, something inside me countered with, “Who do you want to be?”
And instead of thinking in the terms of loss, I began thinking in the terms of rebirth. I’m still discovering who I want to be, and there are some things that I can’t do yet thanks to other injuries, but I’ve been working on what I can do.
What I can do is explore this new world my brain has faced me with. I can write without the inhibitions that held me back before, because I’m not writing in fear of the critic. I’m writing to create a beautiful escape, for myself and for others. I’m writing for the people who need a break, who need to lose themselves for awhile, who look at entertainment not as something to consume, but as a place where they are accepted, welcomed, even loved.
I’m writing for that 23 year old girl who stumbled out of her car in the rain, and had no idea it was the beginning of the rest of her life.
Healing isn’t linear, and there will be days ahead that hurt more than others. But the time will pass, and in the meantime, I’ll be writing.
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... And while you're "searching" you train your brain; other braincenter activity will take over what is lost, often in the opposit part of the brain. Maybe not much regained brain activity, but every step is a step. I must say I loved reading this brave introspection. Let's say If you call this writing incoherent, you must have been a genius.
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Beautifully said, Dana Hawthorne . I personally believe that sometimes, we go through trials so that when we emerge, we can be a source of encouragement for another who has gone through something similar. I have no doubt that you will be that and more for others. You will rise.
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Sorry about the accident and brain injuries, Dana Hawthorne. Your outlook on the situation is incredible and inspiring!
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Dana, thank you so very much for posting...and I wish you all the VERY BEST (especially as you recover from the accident and continue to forge a writing career).
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I’m sorry about your accident, Dana Hawthorne. I hope you feel better.
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You're doing exactly what you need to. Writing about it and giving your brain what it needs to process may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. My mother has long term brain damage, she suffered 3 major head injuries: 1 from a car accident and 2 working at the Chrysler plant. I wish more people talked and wrote about brain injuries, but I have seen how healing is possible. Thank you for sharing your story!
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Wow, Dana, what a powerful story.
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Hi Dana Hawthorne, thank you for sharing your story and I'm so sorry for all that you've gone through. I'm glad that you're pursuing your passion and goals, and are willing to be vulnerable enough to share them with the community. Grateful to have you as part of Stage 32!
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Thank you for sharing Dana, and I'm glad that you have writing.
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Dana, I believe progress consists of constantly putting the next foot forwards and pushing. I had a stroke about four years ago, and I have medical conditions underlying that. So, my physical abilities are severely diminished based on what they were even 5 years ago. For instance, are used to be able to type 85 words per minute, and now I can barely manage 10. On some days, I have to rely extensively on voice recognition. But, I can't allow that to make me stop struggling and reaching for the prize. So, we adapt and figure out other ways to get us where we need to go. I fully feel for you, and I will tell you that life goes on, and what it becomes is entirely up to us.
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Thank you for sharing that, Dana. Taking an adverse situation and transforming it the way you have is nothing short of miraculous. I applaud you for that. Not only inspirational but something I can deeply relate to. I could never express it in the terms that you did. Thank you!
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Thanks for sharing, Dana Hawthorne. That's an incredible perspective to have. I'm very inspired.
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I have a similar injury. I miss word and use the wrong words constantly.
My weapon of choice is “text to speech” on all devices. Things like readthrough.com to read screenplays. Accessibility setting in Windows and Mac mean I can get highlighted text read out.
I know injuries are different. I grew up with mine. I can see a massive period of mourning.
The first time I told strangers about my brain injury and dyslexia as an adult I cried. It was a relief and an embarrassment that I was different, somehow less. So you talking about it puts you years ahead of me. Well done, your bravery inspires me.