Screenwriting : Translate my feedback by Vikki Harris

I think "black" means text and "white" means white space, Vikki Harris.

"This screenplay would benefit from the writer working to have a stronger balance of 'black to white' on the page."

That sounds like the reader thinks you need to balance out how much text and how much white space are in the script. Too much text can make a script hard to read and if you have too much text, it can mean you're overwriting. Too much white space can mean you're underwriting, which means you're not writing enough detail to make things clear to the reader or you're not writing enough detail to pull the reader into the story.

Short answer: Keep your descriptive paragraphs short - four lines max - two or three lines even better.

Thank you, Maurice Vaughan . I think I somewhat get what the reader is suggesting. This is a science fiction piece and I think the reader feels I am not concentrating enough on the visual aspects of the story and focusing too much on dialogue to tell the story. So, maybe this shouldn't be in the science fiction genre but drama with science fiction components.

She also wrote: "There is a lot dialogue used to tell the story. and film is a visual medium." Richard Buzzell Maurice Vaughan

You're welcome, Vikki Harris.

"I think the reader feels I am not concentrating enough on the visual aspects of the story." I used to have the same issue. I suggest writing more action lines that tell the story visually. I also suggest reading Sci-Fi scripts to see how the action lines in those scripts are written.

Vikki, It means more "white space" more "oxygyn on the page", or "breathing space"--- means they are saying, it would help if you condense (reduce black) on the page so, there will be more white- means empty space... basically, you will need to edit and cut down without losing the context of it. Hope that helps.(-:

You have minimal action and are telling most of the story through dialogue?

Most times it's not enough white space, as it's super dense with long action lines.

Vikki Harris The black to white ratio is referring to how much white space you have on the page. It has nothing to do with the amount of dialogue vs. the amount of description. A spec script should flow well. Too much black text on the page will bog it down.

It must be emphasized that when a director is writing a script, they can make it anyway they want. Someone like James Cameron will have lengthy runs of solid text on his pages. Spec scripts can't do that.

What it does force the spec writer to do is be efficient, but also make sure that the description flows well. Why use an entire paragraph to describe something when one solid sentence can do the same job. This will make the page read better and make it a page turner.

@Vikki I’d take it as a “Visual” balance of the black text on the white page plus the “Flow” of the writing. By that I mean minimum exposition & succinct action & dialogue lines. Reader feels the emotional beats quickly if there are any and must get the general theme fast as opposed to thinking what’s this all about? In script reading it does not matter how good a story is if reader don’t get the plot by page ten it’s game over. At first I resented writing “how it looks” on the page thinking it’s a bit like nouveau cuisine V a hearty meal until I understood it from readers point of view.

It's just general page design. The white space vs. the black ink. You want to optimize the flow of your writing to minimize big blocks of text whether that's action/description lines. Or even long chunks of dialogue. Generally you'd like action/description lines not to exceed 3-4 lines of text on the page because anything past that, you run the risk of it giving readers that overwhelming feeling. Especially when a reader sees walls of text with no dialogue, you've gotta find places to break up the blocks with even innocuous lines of dialogue to boost the flow. So it's just a strategy of trying to write leaner copy on the page, communicating only exactly what you need to get the point across, and typically not explaining anything (the dramatic actions alone should speak for themselves). Every line you write in your script, once you've finished your first draft and you're rewriting, you should go through every line and ask yourself this one question -- how can I communicate this exact same thing in half the physical words on the page? And try to get there with your editing. Sometimes it's combining different lines that might be redundant into a single line that efficiently fleshes out the thought. Most of the time it's just about cut, cut, cutting out the fluff and writing lean dramatic action.