It happened to be Halloween, so I got creative with a pumpkin.
I'd just returned from Paris, a trip with my daughter and mom, during which I was tormented by a design studio client from hell.
It was a new client. And it was meant to be a fun, light and fairly simple project. Not big money, but enjoyable and creative. As per usual, I'd delivered beautiful high-quality work (it's so good, she's still using it). But unlike what's usual with my clients— most of who have been with me for years, several even for over a decade — her feedback was constantly that it "wasn't perfect". And so, for many many many months beyond what I was compensated for, I kept delivering revisions, kept taking long calls and texts, and kept trying to please.
By the time I finally understood I was being manipulated — perfection was unattainable with this woman, the project would never be complete, and she planned to continue to control my time with intense hostility for the foreseeable future (she felt entitled to it because she paid a deposit) — it had escalated to a horrific point.
I was threatened, harassed and tormented. And when I'd finally extricated myself from the situation — ensuring I left her with much more than she'd paid for, she did something that most would find sickening and shocking.
The experience changed my life forever.
Not because she tried to ruin me (and she tried hard).
But because it forced me to pause and reflect.
How could I best ensure I'd never be entangled with someone like that again?
My immediate reaction was to isolate — I became withdrawn, and quiet and put up an emotional wall.
But, was that really how I wanted to live my life? No.
Fuck no.
Did I want to take her sour lemons and make goddamn lemonade!?
Yes!! That's what I wanted.
So, two years ago today, I came out of the mental fog of abuse and I tried something new. I tried looking hot with a pumpkin. And I tried posting it to OnlyFans.
It felt... strange. But more so it felt empowering. And it felt liberating.
Because I didn't owe anyone anything.
I took back control of what I gave, when I gave, and how much I gave. And if someone wanted to see, they paid. Transaction complete. Done. Finito. I didn't owe anybody anything.
I loved that freedom. And still do.
But more than anything, I realized I am a bright light. I choose to uplift others, even when I'm being pulled down. I want to elevate other people so they are kind, generous and emotionally resilient and won't feel the need to ever act as savagely towards someone else as she did towards me.
And that's why I'm building Tap. ✨ Tits. Ass. Positivity. ✨
www.patreon.com/carolineelizabeth
Happy Halloween!
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Happy Halloween, Caroline Gray. Sorry she put you through that. I'm glad you didn't let it ruin you.