Screenwriting : In the Middle of a Script Rewrite by Maurice Vaughan

Hi Maurice, I got through that sometimes, not too bad though

Revising a script that features an ensemble cast with multiple subplots. My draft came in at 122 pages, so I'd like to trim 5-10, but with so many characters and different story arcs, I'm having trouble deciding which parts to let go. Maybe I can get away with just tightening up the scenes instead of deleting them entirely ... Still in the first act, so we'll see ...

I am rewriting a feature and decided to keep most of the same story content but revise (mainly) the structure and beats. There are many periodic flashbacks but they actually make things confusing, so I am simplying them and streamlining the story more into chronological order.

I’m in the middle of outlining, trying to nail down the sci-fi mechanics that will be the reason for the plot to kick in. Very frustrating. My problem is that I have two “impossible” things and I want them to be integrated without too much exposition, but enough so the audience believes it.

I am writing a novel and a TV series based on that novel at the same time. Some things in the TV series didn't happen in the novel or are ordered differently and some things are better illustrated in the novel than they are the TV series and vice versa.

Maurice Vaughan Good morning brother! I am ready to VO my showreel but looking for help with the 2 minute VO text.

Maurice Vaughan I submitted the pitch for my Only trilogy and received feedback on what I need to improve. I’ve been working on it for days now because I want it to be perfect – even though I know ‘perfect’ means something different to everyone. It almost feels like fate wants me to succeed: the very same exec who gave me feedback has already opened another session, not 3–4 months later as usual, but right away. I’m really happy about this, but also a bit nervous that something still might not be good enough. Does this count as a roadblock too?

that's how it is, you get better each time you write. I think my writing is better than it was on 1st draft. writing is rewriting.

i am stuck on what to do next, i believe my script is ready but I still feel like I could do better. i read my script every night, i find fewer and fewer things to improve upon. I want to enter a competition, maybe horror short, it Hollywood shorts. even if I don't win, i atleast want something valuable in return or it's just waste of money.

I’m adapting a suspense/thriller novel into a screenplay and struggling with the MC fault/issue as it seems harder to portray onscreen than in the book. it’s a very internal struggle against fear/doubt that I haven’t cracked.

keep on working on that rewrite and it’ll come together!

Hi, Billy Kwack. Glad it's not too bad. In my experience, some rewrites are easy, some are tough, and some are TOUGH. This one's TOUGH because there's a lot of worldbuilding and different things going on.

Rewriting an ensemble cast script with multiple subplots can be tough, Erik Gagnon. "Maybe I can get away with just tightening up the scenes instead of deleting them entirely." I think that's the best idea. That's what I did when I rewrote an ensemble cast script. If that doesn't work, ask yourself which scenes have to stay. And you might be able to combine some scenes.

Hey, Michael Dzurak. Great. And something that might make it easier for you is pasting all the flashbacks in a separate document and just focusing on rewriting those, then paste those scenes back into your main script and make sure they line up with the present story.

What about sprinkling the exposition throughout the story so it doesn't feel like there's too much exposition, Mike Boas? Or you could do what they did in Jurassic Park and Borderlands. Show the exposition with a fun video. That way, the reader and audience might not mind that there's a lot of exposition.

I like that idea, G.R. Barnett. Is it easier for you to write a novel and a TV series at the same time than writing them separately?

Good morning, Pat Savage! You could post an ad on the Job Board (www.stage32.com/find-jobs).

Hi, Sanna Peth. You're right. Perfect means something different to everyone. Nervousness can be a roadblock, but it's natural to be a bit nervous. Is it a written pitch or live pitch?

Maurice Vaughan It’s a written pitch. I got really detailed feedback, which surprised me in the best way, and I’m so grateful for it—especially since it was my very first pitch. On top of that, Stage 32 shared a template with me, so even if it’s not perfect yet, I feel like I’ve grown a lot through the process.

Hey, Rahul Sonawane. "that's how it is, you get better each time you write. I think my writing is better than it was on 1st draft. writing is rewriting." Exactly!

"i find fewer and fewer things to improve upon." That's one of the signs my script is ready to pitch or enter a contest.

Did you get feedback on your script already? Stage 32 has Short Script Coverage (www.stage32.com/scriptservices/coverage/buy?id=38).

Thanks, Douglas Esper. I appreciate it. Since your MC struggles against fear/doubt, you could write scenes where he has to face things but he/she chooses not to, and you could show his/her doubt affecting scenes and other characters, maybe even getting the MC into trouble/putting the MC in dangerous situations. You could also show his/her fear and doubt through dialogue.

Congratulations on making your first pitch, Sanna Peth!

Stage 32 has a free webinar called "How to Write a 2 Page Pitch for Your Television Series" (www.stage32.com/education/products/free-stage-32-webinar-how-to-write-at...).

Stage 32 also has a free webinar called "How to Create a 2 Page Pitch For Your Feature Film" (www.stage32.com/education/products/how-to-create-a-2-page-pitch-for-your...).

Maurice Vaughan Thank you! Yes, I know about those, but for some reason the page won’t load for me, it just keeps buffering.

You're welcome, Sanna Peth. Maybe try again later. If the pages still won't load for you, email support@stage32.com.

I am curious how Maurice and others deal with minor and major edits of scripts. I tend to make a copy and track all of my changes if they are 'minor'. If they are major I tend to write the changes in a new document and cut/paste it into my script. Any deletions though are still tracked with red font and strike-thru so I can see what was replaced. Is this the 'normal' way of doing it?

Writers rewrite different ways, Darrell Pennington. Whatever works for you is fine. Here's my rewriting process:

I rewrite as I go when I write the first draft. Rewriting as I go helps me think of ideas, scenes, etc.

I leave the first draft alone for a day, days, week, etc. after I finish writing it and rest or work on another project.

I make a copy of the script for the rewrite. I break the rewrite up into categories:

– A Story

– B Story

– Subplot(s)

– Character Arc(s)

– Dialogue

– Visualize (I go through the script, visualizing the action and dialogue -- it helps me think of ideas, scenes, etc. and catch story issues)

– Track (I go through the script, tracking important things like character behavior, relationships, and items)

– And sometimes other categories

– Other things

After I finish rewriting the script and making the pitch material, I either get feedback on the script or start pitching it.

I get feedback from script readers I've gotten notes from before.

I also ordered a Feature Script Read + 30 Minute Talk with an Executive here on Stage 32. The feedback helped me fix a huge issue in my script. I'm definitely thinking about ordering another one. I'm also planning on ordering Stage 32's Script Coverage.

I'm in the middle of writing a screenplay from my own novelistic 'story for screen' and I'm learning that, whilst most of the dialogue-led scenes can stand more or less as they are, there is a good deal of character back story which is more difficult to contain and get across in a screenplay than when writing conventional prose. But working out how is fun :)

And an update on a previous post of mine - I'm using Highland Pro and it's working really well for me.

Hi Maurice, cool, hope you figure it out

I just finished a first draft for a new short. So I guess I’m in the middle of seeing what needs to be fixed.

Hi, Michael Thorn. Working out how is fun. Have you thought about revealing the backstories a little at a time throughout the script with action, objects (like a social media post, news article, and a name tag on a uniform), locations (like the way a character's room looks and what's in the room), and dialogue?

I'm in the middle of a six-episode limited series, only because I wanted to see if I could do it. Ha! Keep at it, Maurice Vaughan .

Congratulations on finishing the first draft, Jill Godley! Do you rewrite a short script the same way you rewrite a feature script or teleplay?

You got this Maurice Vaughan 5. keep up the good work

Thanks, Billy Kwack. I'm sure I will.

Thanks, Tom Stohlgren. Keep at it as well. Looking forward to hearing more about your limited series!

Thank you, Tania Ocasio. I appreciate the support from everyone. What are you working on?

I'm also in the middle of rewriting RoP, as you know (80 pages hit again last night and aiming for 85 today, yay!), and I'm leaning in HARD on the space opera nature of it. I still hate my notes for the plot points I want to hint towards and the foreshadowing notes I want to include for the rest of the series. and I'm challenging myself for a final page count of 115 max but since this is the draft of a rewrite I might need to write more than that so everything is accounted for and the fluff can safely be cut. Good luck with your rewrite!

Yeah I've got two scripts that have received some really valuable feedback, but implementing it would involve a serious rewrite and I keep sitting down to do it but not being able to. It's not that I feel particularly set on the way it is, I think it's just the psychological thing that in my mind these were done, in the bag, and now it's back to square one. It's kind of demoralizing.

I am in the midst of rewriting a script as well. I can't believe all the new ideas that are coming to mind.

I’m in the middle of educating myself on the ins and outs of film financing. Putting together a pitch deck and attempting to get some real numbers to approximate a return on investment for investors.

Thanks, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh. Congratulations on hitting 80 pages again! I'm rooting for you to hit 85 today! Something you could do is go through your script just looking for places where you can foreshadow things for the sequels. It could be an object, a character's outfit, a sign on a building, a news report, a piece of dialogue, etc.

I've been there with scripts, Adam Delmonico. I just had to make myself get to the laptop and do the big rewrites. I'm glad I did because my scripts were always better afterward. Hope this helps!

That's great, Vikki Harris. That's one reason my script is taking longer to rewrite than I thought. I keep thinking of new ideas, and some of them are better than the original ideas.

Great, Julio Antonio Toro! Stage 32 has some Financing resources.

Financing/Crowdfunding Lounge: www.stage32.com/lounge/fundraising

Financing Blogs: www.stage32.com/blog/tags/financing-85

Financing Education: www.stage32.com/education/search?term=Financing

You're welcome, Maurice Vaughan, and thank you too! I'm doing a lot of that already, in fact several pieces of dialogue are foreshadowing later events (often unknowingly on the part of the band members), and other times it's more cryptic, like when more powerful characters are intentionally withholding it from us the audience so you have to read between the lines. I added one kinda interface spoiler in the form of two dream sequences that HEAVILY foreshadow later developments but only if you're the type to hyperanalyse everything lol but nonetheless I'm looking forward to seeing what other pockets there are :D

I'm in the middle, literally of writing draft one of a scifi script. And trying to decide which horror short I want to crew up and shoot this year.

You're welcome, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh. Great minds think alike. :D I like when things are cryptic and I have to read between the lines in movies and shows. I do it in my scripts too, but it's tricky sometimes because I don't want the reader to miss really important things. Getting feedback helps with that.

I'm looking forward to seeing your Horror short, Desiree Middleton! Do you plan on making your Sci-Fi script too?

Maurice Vaughan hell yeah hehe reading between the lines is a good time. I have one bit of foreshadowing that’s actually very blatant/on the nose upon reread (again, unless you hyperanalyse, you’ll miss it the first time for sure) in RoP, to say nothing of the aforementioned dream sequences (one is blatantly telling what’s to come if you know how to read runes, another if you know how to read tarot cards). After writing TER I realised I was foreshadowing very heavily towards a future development in BoFS and as such I’ve been more subtly foreshadowing towards it in parts 1 and 2, mainly in terms of symbolism rather than dialogue so it’s more obvious in hindsight than in real time.

I like the exposition cartoon idea! They did that in Loki, too.

I still have the problem of grounding two sci-fi concepts at once, but I’ll see what I can get away with.

Some foreshadowing and other things in a script should be very blatant/on the nose in my opinion, Banafsheh Esmailzadeh. Even some dialogue, especially if the character is a direct person.

Keep us posted on it, Mike Boas. Maybe we'll be able to help figure out something.

I agree Maurice Vaughan. I’m playing with that with one of the characters, Orpheus, who’s heavily implied to either be the teller of the story or aware of the fourth wall. Mind you, there’s always someone stronger than him…

Oh Maurice Vaughan, I am in the middle of rewriting my Soul Mated fifth draft, and my struggle is to find hours to write in a continuous way. What I do to help myself is silence my phone and disappear from the real world; however, when I return, my phone appears to be a telephonic central :)))

I am just in the middle of creating the pitch deck for What the Mack? So far so good.

Maurice if you want a read I'm game.

Congratulations on getting to the fifth draft, Sandra Isabel Correia! That definitely helps. Did you see this blog called "How To Find Time To Write A Screenplay (Even With A Full Time Job)"? www.stage32.com/blog/how-to-find-time-to-write-a-screenplay-even-with-a-...

Glad it's going good, Wyman Brent. We're both working on pitch decks.

Thanks, Jon Shallit. I appreciate it. I'll let you know when it's done. We could do a script swap if you want.

Beat boarding my new psychological horror.

Hey, Jerry Robbins. Beat boarding is figuring out the beats, right?

Thanks for the tip Maurice Vaughan. I didn’t, but I will dive now :)) Thank youu

You're welcome, Sandra Isabel Correia. Hope the blog helps!

Maurice Vaughan not this one. I'm going to film it myself so I don't have to be as thorough as I would with something I am hoping to sell.

Great, Jill Godley! I'm looking forward to seeing your film! I really liked your film Mom Dating!

Hi, Maurice. When I was halfway through my novel, I initially had a "midgame crisis"—it felt like I'd written almost everything I had in mind, there was nothing left to say, and I clearly didn't have enough ideas for the second half. It was truly terrifying. Then everything started to fall apart and take shape completely differently than I'd originally thought, and it happened so quickly, I barely had time to take notes. It was like the world was rebuilding itself in "Inception" or in the mirror dimension of "Doctor Strange."

Almost done with customizing sneakers for a fashion client. In the beginning of working on a graphic novel/film project. Learning about focus and making the work better.

Oh man, Chris Stefans. I had the same thing happen with the last script I was ghostwriting, even though I made a really detailed outline. I was worried at first, but I thought of new ideas and scenes, and the script ended up being enough pages.

Congratulations on getting almost done with the sneakers, Rich Terdoslavich! I'm looking forward to seeing them! Keep me posted on the sneakers and your project.

Welcome to the community, Erik David. Stage 32 has a blog that'll help you navigate the platform and connect with creatives and industry professionals all over the world. www.stage32.com/blog/how-to-successfully-navigate-the-stage-32-platform-...

And here's the link to Stage 32’s August Community Open House (www.stage32.com/education/products/stage-32-s-august-community-open-house). It's free to watch. It'll also help you navigate Stage 32 and connect with creatives and industry pros.

I've heard that hair grows out people's ears. Sounds like a scene for a Comedy script.

Maurice Vaughan I have said it a hundred times and I'll say it a thousand more -- You are the BEST!!

You're welcome, Erik David. Hope you and your barbers have a great time and weekend!

I know, Jill Godley. I keep telling people. Haha! :D Hope you have a great weekend!

Maurice Vaughan sorry for late reply. It never occurred to me about script coverage. I will take a Look at it. Thanks.

Hey, Rahul Sonawane. It's fine. You're welcome. Ok, great. Keep us posted on your script.

Maurice Vaughan yep - all the beats and I also add in a line of dialogue or two here and there. Pretty much just coming up with the actual story. Once I get into actually writing the pages the hard part is done.

That's great, Jerry Robbins. I make a beat sheet in my outline, and it's really detailed. It has dialogue, extra intro, research, alternative scenes, etc.

Drama, Delusion, Dilemma: do these fit all the story elements and especially the stakes of the Dramatic Premise? My end goal is my Resolution scene.

I use Drama and Dilemma in my scripts, but I'm not sure if I've used Delusion, Paul Rivers. Or at least it hasn't been a while. Rooting for you to finish the Resolution scene! The Resolution scene is one of my favorite scenes to write. Maybe because it means I'm almost done. Haha.

Maurice Vaughan 5, rooting for you.

Thanks, Paul Rivers! I'm rooting for you too!

Maurice Vaughan 5, I call the time between the Inciting Incident and the moment the Protagonist accepts the dilemma, the "delusion section".

The delusion section can be most of the script because the protagonist is actively doing something, but they are taking the easy way out, and not doing what they should do to defeat the antagonist.

The "deception section" started in House of the Dragon S1Ep9 when the 'Queen that never was' riding her dragon Meleys, interrupted but did not burn "ALL the upsupers at Aegon's crowning ceremony". So far, House of the Dragon has yet to hit the Dilemma moment... when the protagonist accepts the no-win option of the "dilemma moment", the protagonist will finally do what needs to be done.

Ok, gotcha, Paul Rivers. That's usually the first thing my protagonist does (take the easy way out), and it usually makes things worse.