Greetings, community. Just wanted to say hello. I'm currently shopping my screenplay (with coverage). Have had some moderate interest in a short amount of time. Check out the logline in my profile. Always welcome feedback! Cheers
Rob Davenport: Author and screenwriter in Annapolis, Maryland.
Bounty unfolds in the sun-scorched alleys of the 1850s Loveluck, NV. Artemis Slye, a shrewd charlatan with visions of opulence, uncovers an outlandish yet profitable ruse: harnessing doppelgangers for bounty collection. His crew's operation is a symphony of precision until they tangle with a real fugitive, Rattlesnake Red.
Preston Poulter
- 11 months ago
I believe the first sentence should read, "alleys of 1850s Loveluck...." without the "the."
Maurice Vaughan
- 11 months ago
I don't understand the story from your logline, Rob Davenport, and the logline is really long (48 words). I suggest keeping it 35 words or less.
Here’s a logline template that might help:
“After/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion), a _______ (the main flaw that the main character has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the main character’s personality) _______ (the main character’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes).”
The inciting incident can also be at the end of the logline: “A _______ (the main flaw that the main character has to overcome in the script or an adjective that describes the main character’s personality) _______ (the main character’s position/job/career) tries to/attempts to/fights to/struggles to/strives to/sets out to/fights/battles/engages in/participates/competes/etc. _______ (goal of story and try to add the obstacles here) to/so/in order to ________ (stakes) after/when ______ (the inciting incident/the event that sets the plot in motion).”
And Christopher Lockhart has a great webinar on loglines. It’s called “How To Make Your Logline Attractive to A-List Actors, Producers, Directors, Managers, Agents, Financiers and Development Execs” (www.stage32.com/webinars/How-To-Make-Your-Logline-Attractive-to-A-List-A...).
Rob Davenport
- 11 months ago
Maurice thanks so much for the feedback. Will definitely take it into consideration. I have received some great feedback about the logline from both my coverage and a couple of the producers I've reached out to.
Maurice Vaughan
- 11 months ago
You're welcome, Rob Davenport.
Rated this logline
Founder and CEO at Stage 32 ♦ Actor, Producer, Screenwriter, Voice Artist
11 months ago
Hi Rob. I'm RB, Founder and CEO of Stage 32. As a screenwriter, producer, actor and filmmaker, I know first-hand the challenges all creatives face finding work, landing representation, launching projects, securing funding and simply making the connections that will make a difference in their careers. That's why I created Stage 32. Since our launch in September of 2011, the community has grown to 1,000,000+ members representing every country on the planet making Stage 32 the social network uniquely populated with the most creative people on Earth.
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Managing Director at Stage 32 ♦ Director of Operations, Producer
11 months ago
Hello Rob -
Welcome to the community! I'm Amanda Toney, the Managing Director at Stage 32. Since 2013 I've been proud to oversee Stage 32's Next Level Education, which provides you the most up-to-date tools necessary to become a better creative.
Over the years Stage 32 has worked with over 500 industry executives and professionals to teach online webinars, classes and intensive labs exclusively for you - our Stage 32 community. We bring you instructors who have worked directly on some of your favorite films, TV shows or theater productions to teach you in-the-trenches information that you won'...
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Welcome to the community, Rob Davenport. Congratulations on the interest! I'm about to check out your logline.
1 person likes this
Hi Rob Davenport it is great to meet you, and good to hear that youre shopping your screenplay, have you signed up for any Pitch Sessions, i recommend checking them out!>>https://www.stage32.com/scrip...
Expand commentHi Rob Davenport it is great to meet you, and good to hear that youre shopping your screenplay, have you signed up for any Pitch Sessions, i recommend checking them out!>>https://www.stage32.com/scriptservices/pitch-sessions
1 person likes this
Welcome Rob! Nice to meet you. Glad you're here.