Oli Veyn's Lounge Discussions

1. Vangelis walks into the living room, smiling contentedly, heading for the kitchen. He is chubby, not handsome, but well-groomed.

   He has on a luxurious bathrobe and wears a large gold signet ring on one of his carefully manicured fingers. He gets a call on his mobile and starts talking, scratching his balls at the same time.

   2. Introducing a disillusioned cop:

   A couple of junkies are breaking into a car. Panos eyes them with a tired look. He pulls out his phone to dial, changes his mind, and walks on.

I tend to keep it very basic: Male or female, age, maybe a body build if necessary. Then I use their actions throughout the script to reveal what makes the character intriguing. But sometimes you just have to add a little more - "Cat, in silhouette a physically stunning classic, that is until she turns and faces you. Her one good eye, a deep emerald green, the other hidden by a black eye patch that barely covers the jagged scar underneath."

Christiane Lange, I love Vangelis' introduction! One trick I like when dropping a string of character details on the page, if they are significant, of course, is to include them in the action, like this:

"A chubby guy walks into the room, smiling contentedly. He's no Brad Pitt, but he's well-groomed, wrapped in a thick bathrobe. He heads for the kitchen, and his phone rings. As he picks up, we see a large gold signet ring. He looks at his manicured nails and scratches his balls."

It helps break down long, tedious enumerations of adjectives and kicks up the action in a wistful style. As for your disillusioned cop, there is no mention of this. Maybe a simple word or two would give an idea:

"A couple of junkies is breaking into a car. Panos eyes them with a jaded cop look that has seen it all before. He pulls out his phone to dial, changes his mind, and walks on."

Just my 2 cents. :)

Lewis Martin Soucy When Panos is introduced, you don't know yet that he is a cop. It becomes evident a page later.

Christiane Lange got it! ;)

Let's face it, this industry is a moneymaking business, as an ice-cream cart next door, as a coffee shop next door. Your balance sheet, your profits, your shareholders' smile at the end of the quarter. It's not about entertaining people, it's not about making good or bad movies, it's not even about a message anymore, just the buck and the power. You take telcos, take banking, take kitchen appliance maker - your decision-making process is split into limits with budgets and level of accountability. In the R&D process which is similar to taking a script, investing time and money, people and timeslots - there is always a big chance that you won't make it on time, you can't get the right supplies or raw materials, you won't execute all the steps the way you imagined and planned it - that's why many R&D houses in-house or outsourced do trials - in the innovation business, it's called an experiment budget - you take something you build a proto and you get 10 to 1000 people to test it. Then you fine-tune or bury it. And here we go - the product is ready, it's marketable, it's well accepted by the end-users. In TV business (well, Pilots, too time-consuming, too expensive) you invest a lot in the idea. The solution to the struggles to minimize the risk of becoming a failure on your next project is the trick called - do not take the risk if you cannot handle the exposure. Executives, the big bosses are just middlemen between the jar and a customer, aggregation of efforts - that's their role and it should be paid as in any other industry - studio gets 5% of aggregation - I'm sorry but that's the reality - banks pay the buck, the rest is the magic called aggregation of resources. You do it on large scale you survive, you wanna monetize as Apple or Louis Vuitton on the brand - do everything inhouse - but please, make good movies then, not the failure of another franchise, too boring.

I recently watched the series Emerald city at Amazon Prime. The lack of character development of the protagonist is where I stopped watching. There is a romance, risking both their lives to safe one and the other, but then at a certain point she is offered to return home and she does not hesitate for a second to take the chance (ofcourse she doesn't), but this felt really unnatural to me and took me right out of the story. If you don't have authentic characters, if their actions or motives are not in line with the previous scenes I am lost. So for this example it was the screenplay, but also the scenery felt a little bit weird as everybody knew it was shot in Barcelona. It did not feel authentic, as too much involvement was made to make it a succestory. For the man in the high castle it was the speed, it took too slow to tell the story and I left, because I had the feeling that a story that would fit in a movie was told in many episodes and seasons. I didn''t have the patience for that. So this is again screenplay. More examples are, wrong casting (City of Bones), too much diverting from original plot (Insurgent/Allegant), too many infodumps, but most of the time it is the screenplay/plot/dialogue.

HOLY COW! *Please know that I actually curse like a sailor, so I'm keeping it PG for the sake of professionalism.

Now THIS is a lengthy discussion! Give me a minute to read and respond LOL!

Hi, Karen. It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to watch a Roundtable so thank you so much for sharing. :) Well, according to those who are sitting at that table, the overall, broad-stroke, quick answer to “where does a bad movie go wrong” is the screenwriting and/or the story, the marketing, and/or too much of a rush to finish a project. For me as an audience member, it’s the marketing. I love film and I’m always interested in the filmmaker’s creative intent, far more so than any imposed outside expectation or interpretation or opinion. So, bad marketing that sets up a false expectation or a false representation or a skewed notion of what the film is or what it really is about is very damaging. With the thousands of decisions that are made in the making of a film and the many hands involved working on it—all the things that could go wrong—it’s amazing movies get made at all! ;)

Doug, I just want you to read some film pitches and give me feedback on them (e-mail me please) mckingzer@gmail.com

You will need a lawyer to negotiate contracts.

Don't walk with the crowd, think different, act different and be the exception. I believe everything is possible if you truly believe in it, work hard for it and put your heart and soul in it. Good luck.

Rod - I'm retired...I don't do that sorta stuff no more and if I did; I'm pretty sure you couldn't afford me. There are others - here on S32 and elsewhere - who are quite capable of providing you quality, professional feedback/notes.

Yes, Rod, you can sell a script without an agent, but there are fewer doors open than writers who have them. Don't let that stop you! Find the producers/production companies which accept "unsolicited" submissions. I know Zero Gravity Productions does, and many others. Also, you can do the Pitch Sessions here on S32. To find those and reserve a spot to pitch your script (in writing or via Skype) just look under the Script Services drop down menu. Yes, each pitch costs $35, but you'll be getting your work in front of producers who you'd otherwise not have access to without an agent and who will give you feedback on your pitch! Best of luck!!

Congratulations!!!

I shall play "The Eye of the Tiger" on my bluetooth speaker to honor your comeback. Cheers!

Welcome back.

Welcome back Rob!

Huge Congrats, Rob! Those are solid contests. Way to write! Welcome back!

Welcome Oli! Good Luck!